The Broken, the Beaten, and the Damned
by LikeABear
Summary: Alternate New Moon setting. After Edward leaves, Bella sees her only chance at a normal life is with Jacob, but it only leads to more pain. What happens when Edward comes back for her and finds her different? All while a killer stalks Forks. E/B & J/B
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own _Twilight_, its characters, storyline or anything related to it. Stephenie Meyer owns it all. Do I wish I owned it? yes, Do I wish I owned Edward? HELL YES! But as stated, none of these things are mine...so I have no intentions on breaking any copyright or trademarks.

Also, the title of this story comes from the song _The Black Parade_ by My Chemical Romance. So all title credit goes to them. I picked it because I think it suits Bella, Jacob, and Edward-the three main characters in my story.

A/N and Story Notes:

_The Broken, the Beaten and the Damned _takes place during Meyer's 2nd book _New Moon. _It follows Bella after Edward has left her. Instead of having Bella suffer alone, I wanted her to do what I think should have come naturally to her. Be with Jacob Black. It makes sense to me that Bella would cling herself onto someone else to help get over Edward. For all my Edward/Bella pairing fans...don't worry... this is ultimately an Edward and Bella story. Just bear with me for a bit ;).

And if anyone is actually reading this, I am already beyond flattered.

.

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**Chapter One**

Date

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_It will be as if I had never existed._

Disbelieving, I had reached out my hand for one last touch of Edward's icy pale skin, but he was gone. My hand held nothing but damp, misty air. He had left me there in the forest. Alone. So horribly and excruciatingly alone.

That was months ago. Another life ago. Those months, weeks, days, hours spent without Edward were foggy and clouded in my memory. School, friends, Charlie. Nothing existed, or at least, nothing I could remember.

The only thing I could recall with any clarity was my time spent with Jacob Black. Charlie had taken me down to the La Push reservation in a flailing attempt to pull me out of my zombie-like depression. Charlie and Billy would hang around the Black's house talking and laughing, while I sat inside on the couch in a daze untouched. Jacob would come inside and sit with me, chattering away.

As the visits became more frequent, my time on La Push started to feel lucid. Jacob's voice no longer sounded like a muffled whisper. I could make out words, even sentences; I became more alert. Jacob would then drag me into his garage, showing me the Volkswagen Rabbit he was restoring. Watching him talk about his car, as he slid his hand down the hood with care, rustled something inside me. For the first time in so long, I felt the nudge of interest.

Charlie, realizing his plan was having a positive effect on me, kept bringing me over to the Black's. He would drop me off on the weekends he had to work, and I would watch Jacob work on the Rabbit all day before Charlie picked me up for dinner. After a month of this routine, I overheard Charlie mention to Billy that it seemed like I was "finally waking up."

Being around Jacob was somehow easy for me. The concept of a real friend, a human friend, was new. I always felt like I never fit in with the human world. For a brief time, I thought I had found my place with the Cullens, who were so gloriously inhuman, until I was abruptly discarded by them. Jacob was a welcomed breath of fresh air. In our month together, I started talking, _feeling_, something besides the numbing pain. It was like being dragged out from drowning.

La Push was safe for me. There were no memories of my past life there; nothing to set me off recalling my too short, too beautiful time with Edward.

I could not let myself think about Edward. Not ever.

But especially not tonight.

Tonight, I had a date. Oh God, an actual date! I winced at the thought. This was my first official date with a boy...ever. Edward and I never actually went on dates-unless you count running from a sadistic, murderous vampire.

I sighed.

_Don't think about that_, I urged myself.

Each memory from my past life caused the pain to rear its ugly head, growling for attention. It never got any easier to suppress it. But I would will myself to push it away. Bury it.

I opened up my closet door and stared at my clothes. What do you even _wear _on a date?

I felt ridiculous accepting Jacob's offer to go to the movies-as a couple. We had been getting along so well as friends. Just fixing up his car in his garage. Okay, _Jacob_ fixed the car. I mostly just sat there and tried not to trip over anything.

Then yesterday, Jacob had to go all Romeo on me, in what was probably the most unromantic setting ever. I was sitting in his garage near a pile of tools on the floor watching him work. Jacob didn't appear to be thwarted by something as insignificant as the atmosphere. He had reached out his hand for a wrench that lay beside me. But his arm simply glided over the tool, and he rested his hand over mine. As if that was what he had wanted the entire time.

My head had snapped up in his direction and he met my gaze with his dark brown eyes. They were hopeful.

"Bells," he had said looking up at me.

I couldn't think of anything to say. I just stared at him...acutely aware of his rough, warm hand covering mine.

"Come here," he grinned.

I shook my head once and closed my eyes. Hoping that when I opened them—he would be back to fixing his car, wrench in hand.

And then his lips were on me, warm and wet, pressing against my own. My eyes were still shut as his hand slipped under my hair and cupped my neck, pulling me to him. The shock of it delayed my reaction. When I had realized what was happening I tried to pull back, but Jacob's grip on me was firm. He held me to his lips and kissed me.

"Be with me." His breath was hot against my face. He was still so close.

"I am with you," I whispered, eyes still shut.

"Not like this, Bells. You couldn't before. So I waited. But now, you can. The way I've wanted."

He still held my face in his hands, and he had pulled away to look at me when he spoke. His eyes searched mine, probably for an answer, since he was met with nothing but my silence.

I had nodded once, hoping that would be enough for him. It was, until he asked me out on this nonsensical date.

Remembering our kiss, I sighed again and I grabbed at the first shirt my hand reached. I pulled it over my head and then gently lifted my hair from under the shirt, letting it spread across my shoulders and down my back.

Jeans and sneakers seemed the best way to finish off the ensemble. Jacob had seen me in much worse. I shuddered with embarrassment, reminding myself of the weeks I came walking onto the La Push reservation wearing Charlie's old sweatpants.

Just then, the sound of someone-Jacob-knocking on the front door filled my bedroom. I froze in my steps.

He's here.

I heard Charlie below opening the door and greeting Jacob enthusiastically. Charlie, of course, was beyond grateful to Jacob for pulling me out of my four month stupor. The fact that we were… dating… was just icing on the cake.

"Bella," Charlie called up the stairs, "Jacob Black is here."

I contemplated checking myself in the mirror before exiting my room, but turned down the thought. I strode past my mirror without as much as a glance.

"Hey," Jacob said, standing at the foot of the stairs watching me as I walked down.

I gave him a crooked smile as I neared the bottom. Of course, my foot caught on the third to last step. Like a clumsy but well staged soap actress, I fell right into Jacob's open arms.

_Perfect_, now I'm blushing.

Behind us, Charlie chuckled.

"Easy there, Bells" he said.

I moaned. This was off to a great start already.

Jacob held me in his arms a few seconds longer than necessary. Long enough for me to notice, but not enough for Charlie to.

"Ready?" Jacob asked, a smile playing on his lips as he released me.

"Ready." I nodded. It didn't seem like I _had_ another choice.

We drove to Port Angeles for the twilight showing of the movie. It was some horror film about zombies called_ Dead End_. It was either that, or a romantic comedy, and something about sitting in a movie theater with Jacob watching two people gush over each other, made my stomach flip. I opted for the flesh eating zombies instead.

Jacob parked the newly finished Rabbit and we walked through town toward the theater. He walked very close to me and his arm often brushed against my shoulder. He was so damn _tall_. His lean muscles wrapped around his long arms. Most of his boyish features had hardened in the past few months. The roundness in his face was gone; his jaw had squared, brilliantly framing his ever constant smile.

He walked confidently, like he was aware of the fact that we were touching and was pleased by it.

I kept my arms wrapped around my waist. My anxiety was pretty much taking over. He peeked over to me with narrowed eyes, but in spite of himself he was grinning ear to ear.

"Not having fun?" he teased.

"What? Oh, no—I mean—yes! I'm...just nervous," I rolled my eyes at myself. I sounded like an idiot.

"Aw, come on Bells, it's just us. Nothing to be nervous about," he laughed and continued smiling.

He reached his arm up and wrapped it loosely around my shoulders as we walked. His grin widened. Jacob gave off such an aura of happiness that it was impossible for me not to smile along with him. I loosened my grip on my waist, relaxing under his touch.

We made our way to the movie theater, but decided that we didn't want to be cooped up inside for two hours on a night that was - miraculously - not raining. So we continued to walk through the town.

I was surprised how much this felt like any other day with Jake. I thought dates had to be stuffy and romantic. Even gazing into each others eyes, or nervously trying to hold the other person's hand. This felt different... easy. Jake joked and laughed, keeping his arm around my shoulders, and bringing me closer to him as people passed us on the street. I cozened up to his side. He was warm.

"Whoa! Check out this place!" Jake said, nodding toward one of the shops.

I recognized the store at once. It was a new age, free spirit bookstore. It had crystals hanging in the windows, and various wind-chimes blowing in the light breeze. I had come here once before, almost a year ago, but hadn't gone inside. New age reading wasn't really my thing. Instead of browsing through the store that night, I had wandered down a dark alley, where if it weren't for...

_Don't think about that, I reminded myself._ I closed my eyes and forced the image of a shiny Volvo screeching down the alley out of my head.

"Let's go in," Jake said, breaking my memory. I welcomed the distraction.

I opened the door for us, setting off the wind-chimes as we entered.

The scent of incense and hemp immediately hit me. A woman with long, curly blonde hair, sat behind a counter reading a book, and holding one of her palms facing up on the table, lazily dragging her pointer finger across it. It looked like she was trying to read the lines of her palm. She glanced up at the sound of our entrance, smiled, and then went back to reading.

Jake's arm fell from my shoulders as we separated to scope out the store. There were books on star alignment, chakras, and organic witchery. I traced my fingers along their spines as I walked. Behind me, I noticed a shelf lined with "healing stones". I picked one up and rubbed it between my hands.

"Ah, the heart stone…" a soft voice spoke from next to me. It was the curly haired woman. I hadn't heard her approach me. She eyed the stone in my hands.

"The what - ?" I asked, opening my hand to get a better look at it. It looked like any old rock, except that embedded deep in the stone were tiny speckles of red, glimmering like miniature rubies.

"The heart stone, dear," she smiled, "it heals a wounded heart." She took the stone gently from my hand and wrapped her slender fingers around it. She brought it to her chest, about where her heart would be, and rubbed it against her in a circular motion.

"Oh," my eyes dropped to the floor. I felt my cheeks heating up and knew I must be blushing again.

The woman stopped the movement of her hand and placed the stone back on the shelf. She eyed me for a moment and then turned to search the store, looking for the boy I came in with. Her eyes watched Jacob leaning over a jewelry display.

"Of course," she whispered, "new love can mend just as well." She shot me a quick smile and then walked over to Jacob. I heard her ask him if he was interested in anything on display.

I turned back to the stones. As if _this_ was all I would need to be whole again. If I had believed any of this, I would have bought the rock in an instant. But I knew my wound was much too deep to ever be healed.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice was behind me.

"Yes?" I turned around.

He held up his hand and dangled a silvery necklace with a deep red pendant in front of me.

"Jake-" I started.

"Yeah, yeah, don't try to argue with me Bells. Just, turn back around so I can put it on you."

Jacob's hands tucked under my hair and I felt the necklace glide along my skin.

"It's beautiful…" I said.

I fingered the pendant. The red color was so deep, it was almost black.

"It's called a 'blood pearl' or something," Jacob shrugged. "Whatever that is."

"A _pearl_? Jacob this is too expensive!" I protested.

He laughed. "Don't sweat it, Bells. It's not a real pearl." He shrugged and slipped his arm around my waist. "Let's go." He led me to the store exit.

I looked up at Jacob_. A new love, t_he woman had said. _Maybe_, I thought. _Maybe… if I tried_.

It would never be the same as what I had. But, it might be enough.

Walking back to Jacob's Rabbit we passed a bar. The sign, I noted, displayed the name "One Eyed Pete's". I wondered idly if there was some kind of pirate theme inside. A group of men were leaning against the building. One was smoking and talking to the others, while the rest of them watched the streets, scoping out the passersby.

I shuddered lightly. The four men reminded me again of the dark alley. How similar my nights here in Port Angeles were, and yet, still so different.

Jacob must have felt my shiver; he tightened his arm around me and held me closer to him. I glanced back at the men and closed my eyes, willing myself not to remember anything from the past.

Jacob insisted on walking me to Charlie's front door. This was the only part of the evening that actually felt like a real date. My anxiety crept back up as I realized that this was the part where the boy kissed the girl goodnight.

Sure, Jacob had kissed me once before but this kiss would be different. This time, I knew it was coming.

We stopped at the door. Jacob looked nervously back to his Rabbit, the engine still running as it sat parked in Charlie's driveway.

_A new love_. The words rang in my ears again. For Jacob, for me. If I did not kiss Jake tonight, it would hurt him. Enough that it would kill our friendship. I would be alone again, without my best friend. He would be alone, discarded and unhappy. I didn't want that for him.

_I can try_, I pleaded with myself.

Jacob turned back to me and opened his mouth to stay something. But before he got the chance, I stepped on the tips of my toes and kissed him. His lips were warm and almost sweet tasting. And for the first time that night, I smelled his musk, wooded scent. Then, after a moment, I pulled away from him and smiled.

His eyes were shining in the light of the porch lamp. His smile widened and he bent over and kissed me again.

"Bells," he whispered, "This is how it's supposed to be. Do you feel that? That _rightness_?"

I pushed myself against him, taking him in my arms and crushing my body against his. He accepted this as my answer.

I held him there on the porch, breathing in his scent. I would stick by this. I would be with Jacob Black. Hopefully, slowly, I would mend. He would have me, and be happy. This could be our new love.

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A/N: I had two betas help me with this chapter. Mistyrious Charades and GreekChic. They are both amazing and so helpful! Thank you both for getting this story going and making Chapter One the best it can be! (and for stroking my ego so that I would actually post this fanfic instead of keeping it to myself)

This is my first attempt at writing FF so please leave a review! Any comments, suggestions will be much appreciated and taken into consideration! Chapter 2 is not far behind!


	2. Chapter 2: Try

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. Not me. Please don't get confused by that.

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**Chapter Two**

Try

The next morning it was raining. Of course. I wore my heavy raincoat to school...along with everyone else. On days like this it was hard to distinguish one person from the other outside. We were all dark, cloaked figures in raincoats, quickly moving to the next building with our hooded heads ducked from the rain.

I followed a duo of coats into my English building and recognized them to be Mike and Jessica as they pulled off their hoods.

_Try, try, try, try_. I repeated it in my head like a mantra.

I took a deep breath and approached them.

"Hey guys," I called, a little hesitant. After so long of being completely unaware of my surroundings and everyone's unspoken acceptance to just let me be, I felt rusty at attempting communication. But now that I knew I was capable of being with Jacob, I decided I would try to be better friends with my classmates at Forks.

Jessica turned at the sound of my voice and gave me a confused frown.

"Bella?" she questioned. Like I was a stranger. I suppose, in a way, I was. I couldn't remember the last time I had spoken to her, or to Mike, or to anyone.

"Yea, hey Jess. Uhh...what's up?" I hadn't thought far enough ahead to actually think up a conversation starter.

"Bella!" Mike interrupted us. He was his usual over-excited self, "How've you been? How was your weekend?!" He seemed to accept my new interest faster than Jessica.

"It was, uh...interesting. How was yours?" I smiled at them both. Jessica's forehead was still crinkled. She looked weary of me.

"I saw that new zombie movie--_Dead End_. Oh man, Bella, it was awesome. Really freaky!"

Jessica turned her attention to Mike.

"_We_ saw it," she corrected him, "together."

"Yea," Mike nodded, "Jess came with me."

Jessica looked hurt. Were they back together? It seemed that was how Jessica felt. However, Mike appeared to be oblivious, as always. I smiled at the fact that Mike Newton seemed to remain the same after all these months.

I tried to break the tension...and the fierce look Jessica was now directing at Mike.

"I was going to see that movie last night actually. But we ended up just hanging around Port Angeles instead. The movie did look good though," I smiled.

"We?" Jessica asked, her interest peaked.

Crap. I let that one slip.

"Uh, my friend and I went together." My eyes shot down to the floor. I didn't want to look up at Jessica, knowing the inevitable was coming.

"Your friend? Someone here at school?" Jessica smiled brightly at me, her eyes lit up at the chance of new gossip.

"No. He doesn't go here."

I would give her as little information as possible.

Jessica opened her mouth to ask another question but the bell rang.

_Just in time_.

***

After English ended Mike waited for me by the door. He had stopped walking me to my classes a while ago, but it seemed he had no problem slipping back into the old routine.

"So Bella," he ran his fingers through his spiky blonde hair nervously.

"Yes Mike?"

"You're dating now?" His voice was very low, like he almost didn't want to ask.

"Hmm..." I muttered. I had a feeling where this was going.

"Is this guy your boyfriend?" Mike prodded.

"That's not your business, Mike."

I had to deal with Mike's jealousy all of last year. Even while dating Jessica he always demonstrated hostile resentment towards…certain people.

_Don't think about him_. I pushed the memory away.

"I...I was just asking because, uh, I wanted to know if you might consider going out with anyone else?" He looked at me with hopeful eyes. "Like me."

Mike really didn't waste any time.

"Are you with Jessica or something?" I asked coldly.

Mike looked down at his hands.

"Sort of."

"Then you shouldn't be asking me questions like that, regardless of my relationship status." My voice was harsher than I intended. But maybe Mike needed that to get it into his thick, spiky head.

We walked in silence. Mike obviously felt defeated and I had no intention of starting up another conversation with him.

The day passed by slowly. At lunch I was surprised to see that our table was now full of people. Had the group always been this large? Together it was me, Mike, Jessica, Angela and Ben--who were now a couple, however Ben was out sick with the flu. Also sitting with us were Tyler, Lauren, Conner, and Eric. I noticed two new additions. At least they were new to me. The girl's name was Katie, she was a junior. The boy I recognized as Austen Marx. I wondered how long they had been sitting with us without my notice.

Everyone was discussing their weekends. I slid down my chair hoping that the subject of what I did last night wouldn't come up again.

"So Angela, what did you do over the weekend?" Jessica asked distractedly. She looked more focused on twirling her hair around her fingers that listening to Angela's response.

"Well, Ben and I were going to have a picnic up the trail in the woods behind the school. But...we couldn't." Angela looked down at her lunch tray.

"Why not?" Lauren asked.

"We saw something in the woods," Angela spoke softly; "It was a bear. Or, at least it had to be--it was huge."

"A bear? Here? At the school?" Lauren eyed Angela and laughed, "They don't come up around here. There are too many people."

"I saw it," Angela insisted.

Lauren was about to start again but Jessica jumped in.

"Mike was just telling me how lots of hunters and campers are coming into his parents' store looking for bear traps and equipment. Right, Mike?" She batted her eyelashes at him.

"Yup," Mike agreed, "People want to take precaution. They're saying it's the biggest bear ever seen in the Olympic Peninsula. First it was only spotted around the border of the reservation, but now people have seen it in the wooded areas of Forks," he finished off, looking smug about his inside information.

"It was seen near La Push?" I asked.

At the sound of my voice, everyone turned to look at me. Each face wore an expression of shock except for Mike and Jessica.

"Yeah," Mike chuckled, "Bella talks now."

I felt my face getting red. I reminded myself of my promise to attempt normalcy so I fought the urge to hide behind my hair. Angela gave me an encouraging smile.

"That's what the word around town is," Mike finally replied, "It was seen mostly around La Push. That's where it started."

I nodded. I wondered if Jacob or Billy had seen this bear.

Mike narrowed his eyes, smirking. He was up to something. He opened his mouth wide like he was preparing to hold his breath.

"A big, black, burly...BEAR!" He yelled and shot up out of his chair. He threw his arms above his head, twisting his hands into claws. He growled loudly and pounced on Jessica, burying his face into her neck, snarling and snapping his teeth at her playfully. She squealed and giggled in delight.

"Mike!" she screamed, "Stop!" Her voice broke between laughs.

After that the subject of bears was moot. Jessica delved into specific detail the events of her weekend, which was free of any sighting that wasn't the mall or Mike.

***

At the end of the day, I walked to the parking lot with Jessica, Mike, and Angela. Mike was complaining about his load of homework. I nodded and groaned with him at the right moments, trying to appear sympathetic.

"Bella!" Jessica barked, "Who is that?" She nodded her head to my truck, where someone was leaning against it covered in a raincoat and hat.

Instantly, I was reminded of _him_. Of the past. The way he would wait for me by my car after last period, leaning against my truck. How he would look up at me and be by my side in an instant. I stopped walking, my legs refusing to move. I felt paralyzed. Remembering was a bad idea.

There was something else I felt. Hope.

_It's not him_, I told myself. But my heart still beat frantically in my chest.

"I...don't know," I answered Jessica. They had all stopped walking as well and were staring at the dark figure standing in the rain beside my truck.

Then it looked up and saw us.

"Bells!" the figure shouted.

It was Jacob. His hat covered his hair and the raincoat made him seem bulkier, but it was him. My heart slowed, and the hope--which I tried to convince myself was never even there--slipped away as Jacob started walking towards us.

"_Bells_?" Mike questioned.

He snickered under his breath. Jessica nudged him.

"Who is that Bella?" Jessica asked again.

I sighed. I guess there was no hiding it now.

"It's Jacob Black. You met him once before at First Beach last year. You all met him." I took steps away from the group and towards Jacob.

I heard Jessica ask Mike: "The Quileute boy?"

"Jake--what are you doing here?" I caught up to him and he pulled out an umbrella from under his coat and opened it above our heads. The rain beat against it, drumming loudly.

"I came to see you," he smiled.

"You came up to my high school just to see me?" I laughed, "In the rain? You didn't have to do that, you know."

"I wanted to." He pushed down my hood with his free hand and his fingers gently touched my face.

I heard murmuring behind us.

"We have an audience," Jake acknowledged.

"I know," I groaned.

"Doesn't bother me," Jake shrugged. Then, without another word, he grabbed my hand and led me back to the group.

"Hey," he greeted them confidently, much better than I had done this morning.

They stared back at us wide eyed. Angela spoke first.

"Hi," she said sweetly. "I'm Angela."

Jake smiled and looked to Jessica and Mike expecting their introduction.

"I'm Mike," he stepped forward, puffing out his chest.

Jacob coughed back a laugh.

"And Jessica," Jess added, "You're from the reservation, Bella says?"

"Yeah, yeah. I remember some of you from last year when you came to the beach. I'm Jacob. Bella's boyfriend." He smiled widely, looking proud of himself.

Jessica broke out into a knowing grin. I felt her eyes on me but I refused to look at her.

"Really?" she started. This was probably like Christmas morning to her.

"Oh, it's so nice to meet you again Jacob," Angela interrupted, "but I think we all should be getting home now. See you tomorrow Bella!" She waved a quick goodbye before walking off to her Toyota. I would have to thank her for this tomorrow.

Mike glared at Jacob before turning to leave.

"See ya, _Bells._" Mike stressed the last word mockingly. Jessica followed behind him reluctantly after whispering that she'd call me later.

"What's _his_ problem?" Jake sneered.

"Mike? Forget about him. He's...jealous." I rolled my eyes.

Jacob threw his head back and laughed.

"That's great," he declared, grinning again. He put his free arm around my waist and pulled me too him. His wooded smell surrounded me. It was thicker in the rain.

We walked back to my truck like that, the rain still beating against the umbrella.

"Can I follow you home?" Jake asked.

I turned to him, "What is this about? Honestly, why the detour at my school?"

"Alright, I did want to see you, of course. But...with all the bear sightings...I just...want to make sure you're okay." He looked at me apologetically.

"And you're going to be my escort home? Because bears are known for roaming the streets of Forks suburbs," I joked.

"Well yeah." He puffed out his chest, imitating Mike from earlier. "I can protect you," he bellowed in a deep rumbling voice.

I shook my head at him as I stepped into my truck and closed the door after me.

Jacob followed behind me the entire ride back to Charlie's. He parked on the side of the yard and walked over to my car to help with my schoolbag.

"Safe and sound," I declared, "not one bear attack the entire ride."

"I know," Jake shrugged, "my Dad keeps telling me I shouldn't worry about it. But you're surrounded by woods Bella."

He stretched out his arm, gesturing to the forest to the side of Charlie's house.

"You've been lost in there before, and this time something more dangerous than Sam Uley could find you." He added the last part softly.

I blinked at him. We never spoke about the night I was found in the woods. I always assumed that Billy had told Jacob about it, but he never brought it up to me. My breath caught in my throat. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. All at once I was remembering. The woods, the fog, the beautiful face locked in a cold expression as his velvet voice broke the news that he no longer wanted me.

I turned and sprinted to the house, leaving Jacob in the driveway. I had to get away from him. Far away from his words.

I heard Jacob call after me as I slammed the front door behind me. I ran to the stairs. Trying to outrun it. The pain was clawing its way out.

The phone started ringing, blaring into the quiet house. I jumped to the phone and answered it. I was desperate to talk to anyone. Just to fill my head with something other than his words.

"Bella! It's Jess!"

"Hey Jess," I panted. I leaned against the wall behind me for support.

"Are you okay? You sound like you're out of breath," she asked.

"I'm fine. I was just...running."

I put my hand over my face, trying to calm down. My head was spinning. I tried to focus on Jessica's voice--forcing myself to concentrate only on her.

"Okay," she didn't sound convinced but she dropped it. "So what's the deal with you and the Quileute boy?" she asked.

"Jessica, I really don't feel like talking about that right now." My chest heaved frantically trying to keep pace with my breathing. "And Jacob is not a boy," I added defensively.

"He's your boy-_friend_ though," she giggled. It was clear she was ignoring my plea for a subject change. "Why did he come up to school today?" She was digging.

I exhaled deeply.

"He was worried about the bear. He wanted to make sure I got home safely."

"Well that's sweet. He must really like you."

My hear-rate was slowing. I was grateful that Jessica was able to help clear my head. However, I did not want to keep her on the phone any longer, knowing this was going to be a twenty-questions interrogation on my love life.

"I guess so. Jess, I've gotta go I'll see you tomorrow in class."

"Wait! One more question," she paused, "Do you like him?"

"Of course I do." I answered automatically.

"As much as Edward?"

My face froze. It was sudden and complete agony. Pain ripped through me at sound of his name. The name no one had spoken out loud for months. The name I could not bring myself to ever say. My mind went blank. There was nothing at all I could think or feel except for roaring, throbbing pain.

"Bella?"

I dropped the phone. Without thinking, I climbed up the steps to my bedroom, closed the door, and curled myself on to the floor. I held my knees to my chest. I gasped for air. His name repeated in my head. Over and over.

I wasn't aware that I was crying, but I felt the warm streaks running down my face, pooling under me on the bedroom floor.

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A/n:

Review! Review! lol


	3. Chapter 3: Dream

Twilight and its properties belong to S. Meyer. Not me.

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**Chapter Three**

Dream

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That night I dreamed that I was running through the woods. Something was chasing me. My rational side told me it was the bear. But my other side-my instinctual, emotional side-knew it wasn't a bear that was after me. It was something else.

A monster.

It was tracking me through the woods, lead by the scent of my blood. I heard it, grunting and running behind me on all fours- its padded paws clawing through the moss and damp earth.

Jacob's necklace was pounding against my chest with the force of my run. I grabbed at the pendant. It was wet. When I looked down, my hand was covered in warm, dripping blood. _My_blood.

I screamed, yanking the chain from my neck and throwing it into the darkness of the woods. The animal behind me changed course, following the bleeding pendant-believing it was me.

I collapsed. My face hit the ground but there was no pain from my fall. I lay there, terrified that the monster would find me. It would be angry that I had tricked it.

Then, seeming to come from all around me, I heard _his_voice. It was clear, velvety, and perfect.

"Bella," he called for me.

"Bella."

His voice grew louder, closer.

But I knew he would not come.

.

* * *

.

I woke up screaming.

Charlie barreled into my room clutching a baseball bat in his hands.

"Bella!" He flicked on the light and gave my room the once over with his eyes. "Are you alright?"

It had been a while since I had woken him up from my nightmares. I felt guilty for returning to my nightly screams.

"I'm fine, Dad. I'm sorry that I woke you."

"That's alright," Charlie sighed in relief. He lowered the baseball bat. "As long as you're okay." He looked at me skeptically.

I nodded.

"Good night then." He turned off the light and shut the door behind him.

Sitting in the darkness of my room, I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. I turned on my light and grabbed my school bag. I hadn't had the chance to start any of my homework yesterday, so I figured now was as good time as any. When I finished the last of it, I started up my computer and penned a long email to Renee- leaving out the nightmare of course.

The sun rose filling my room with natural light. It wasn't very bright out. The sun never seemed to shine as strong in Forks. I hit "send" and shut off my computer before making my way to the kitchen to make breakfast for Charlie.

An hour later Charlie came down the stairs fully dressed and ready for work. He avoided eye contact with me, no doubt still troubled about last night.

"Good morning Dad." I tried to sound cheery to ease the worry in his face.

"I don't have time for breakfast," Charlie said. He scanned the countertop where I had set out plates, forks and knives for us next to a heaping pile of pancakes.

"Alright," I smiled weakly. "Just one for the road then." I picked up a pancake and handed it to him. He took it from me and bit off a piece.

"Thanks Bells," he said through the mouthful.

I looked at him. There he was, Chief of Police, in full uniform, gun strapped to his hip, holding a half eaten pancake in his hand with a look of concern across his face and a wrinkled forehead.

I let out a laugh. That seemed to ease him a little. At least I wasn't screaming. He kissed me briefly goodbye on the forehead before leaving.

I looked at the clock. It was still so early.

Not wanting to stay around the house alone with the memories of last night, I grabbed my book bag and headed to my truck.

I had a few hours before school. So I decided to take the long route through Forks. I drove aimlessly down neighborhood streets, my eyes glancing at each house I passed.

One house had a collection of garbage, old furniture, and two large hunks of metal sitting by their curb. The metal caught my eye. I slowed my truck and peered at the window. They were motorcycles.

I hit the brakes on my car. A motorcycle. I thought of Jacob. Now, in the light of a new day, I felt guilty about running away from him yesterday afternoon. He had come out of his way to see me, to be sure of my safety, and I ran from him. Shame panged me. I was pretty sure that regular, normal girlfriends didn't do stuff like that. And wasn't that what I was trying to be… a normal girlfriend?

The bikes were a mess. Blackened with age and rusted from one too many nights out in the rain. There was a "For Sale" sign leaning against them yet they hardly looked like they'd be worth anything.

"Nothing says I'm sorry like a dilapidated motorcycle," I muttered to myself and stepped out of the truck.

I walked to the front door and knocked. At first no one answered. I remembered the ungodly hour it was and started to retreat. Then the door opened and Austen Marx from my lunch table was standing there. He stared at me in shock.

"Bella Swan?" he asked.

"Hey Austen," I greeted him, "Sorry it's so early. I was driving by and I saw the bikes for sale. How much?" I threw my thumb out to indicate the wreck behind me.

Austen blinked in surprise and scratched at the back of his neck.

"You want my dad's old bikes?"

"Well, I really only need one," I shrugged, "Are they still for sale?"

He snorted.

"They're not for _sale_ anymore. They're just trash now. So if you want them, take them. Both. My mom will be glad they're finally off the curb."

Hmm. Free bikes. Plus, Jacob could probably use the extra one for parts, so why not?

"Alright. Would you mind helping me get them into the back of my truck?"

"Sure," he said but looked weary. He was still in his pajamas and didn't look like he wanted to do any manual labor this early in the morning.

Together Austen and I heaved the two bikes into the bed of the truck. I thanked him and he waved sleepily as he walked back into his house.

I checked the clock. I still had time to get these to La Push before school. I wanted to give Jake his present as soon as possible. I drove to the reservation wondering if Jacob actually knew how to rebuild a motorcycle, or even how to ride one. I felt confident he did. Jake seemed to just be good at those kind of things.

I parked by the little house and knocked on the door.

"Jake?" I called. "Billy?"

I heard rustling from inside and Jacob opened the door with a surprised but cheerful expression.

"Bells! What are you doing here so early?" It was obvious he had just woken up. His long hair was knotted and he stood before me wearing only a pair of cotton shorts.

I blushed at the sight of his bare chest. Without a shirt to cover it, Jacob's chest was broad and chiseled. He looked bigger and stronger. The russet color of his skin seemed to glow. I looked down at my feet so I wasn't staring.

"Geez Jake. You're huge!" I still couldn't look up.

"I eat my spinach," he laughed. "Come in," he added stepping to the side.

"Actually, there's something I want to show you in my truck," I said while turning away. I wanted to get my blushing under control before I showed him the bikes.

"Sure," he said and followed me.

As we walked around my truck, I watched Jacob so I could see the look on his face when he first saw the gift.

His eyes grew wide as we rounded the bed.

"No way!" he shouted. He jumped onto the back of the truck and climbed in next to the bikes. He crouched down so he was eyelevel with one and started prodding it with his fingers.

"They're for you," I said, "From me. Like a gift." I shuffled my feet.

"Really?" Jake turned to look at me. He was elated and beaming. It was infectious.

"Really." I smiled back at him.

He continued to work the bike between his hands, examining his present. Then he stood and jumped off the truck to the ground. My truck shook at the sudden release of his weight.

"Go easy! I don't think my truck can handle all the excitement!"

I put my hand out to push him playfully but he caught my arm and wrapped his hand around my wrist. He pulled me to him and I stumbled a bit from the force. He righted me and wrapped his other hand around my left wrist. We stood very close. My face was level with his bare chest. I could feel the heat from his body on my cheeks. I peeked up at him. He was standing very still. His face was serious. He stared back at me.

"Thank you," he said.

I continued to just gape at him. He looked so intense.

"Bella," he said, "I love them."

I gulped. It didn't sound like he was talking about the bikes anymore.

"The bikes?" I asked. I wanted to avoid any kind of hidden meaning.

The corners of his mouth twitched.

"Yes," he said, still staring at me, "I love the bikes."

He broke out into his fervent grin again and then his arms were around my waist. He tightened his hold on me and lifted me off my feet, twirling me in the air.

"Jake," I wheezed, "I can't breathe!"

"Whoops. Sorry Bells!" he winced and released his bear hug on me.

He set me back on the ground and then he opened the truck bed and dragged out the bikes.

"Do you need any help?" I asked feebly. He looked more than capable of lifting two motorcycles.

"Nah," he shook his head and flexed his bicep at me, "Spinach, remember?"

He carried each bike to the garage and then walked me back to the truck so I could leave for school.

"I'll be up later after your last class, alright?" he asked, leaning over the sill of my driver side window.

"Oh I forgot," I rolled my eyes, "you're on 24 hour Bella-bear watch."

He answered by kissing me swiftly goodbye.

I drove to school feeling…happy? No, not entirely. Not the way I used to be. Not the same as _before_. But maybe a piece of happy. The start of it.

I'll take what I can get.

.

* * *

.

At the end of the day Jacob was waiting for me in his Rabbit parked in the school lot. I was grateful that he had given up leaning against my truck to wait for me, too many memories there.

I decided to follow Jacob back down to La Push to watch him work on his bike. It seemed silly to have him escort me after school like this but I was glad for his company. Being around him made things bearable.

We sat in his garage. Jacob was leaning over a twisted piece of metal, cleaning it with a blackened cloth. I sat beside him. There was no heat in the garage and the January air was bitingly cold. Jake radiated heat. Sitting half a foot from him was all I needed to stay warm.

We heard voices approaching the garage. They were male and sounded like they were bantering back and forth, interrupted by short clips of laughter.

Jacob's head shot up at the sound.

"It was only a matter of time," he said. I wasn't sure if he was speaking to me or himself.

The door opened and the voices were louder. I turned my head and saw they belonged to Jacob's friends Quil and Embry.

"Hey Jake," Embry called. He was very tall, maybe even taller than Jake, but thinner. He had an oval face that was framed by Jake-like long black hair.

"I was wondering how long it would take for these two jokers to show up," Jake said, his words draped with amusement.

He stood to greet his friends.

Quil approached Jacob and slapped him on the shoulder, smiling. Quil was shorter-stocky almost-so he had to stretch his arm out completely to reach.

"How long did you think you could hold out on us, Jakey?" Quil teased.

Jacob tried to hide his smile but was unsuccessful.

"Yea what gives?" Embry chided.

Quil leaned to the side to peek behind Jacob. He noticed me sitting on the floor watching them.

"Oh hey Bella," Quil said, "Didn't see you there. This big lug's blocking out the entire room!"

"Hi Quil, hi Embry," I chirped. I hadn't seen them much in the past week but I had gotten to know them during my months spent with Jacob here in the garage. They were always barging in to see Jake's progress on the Rabbit.

Jacob came to sit by me on the floor again.

"They're here to claim the other bike," Jacob said, filling me in. "I hadn't told them there were two, so they must have wrangled the information out of my dad."

"It was Seth, actually," Quil corrected. "How come you told _that little guppy _that Bella gave you two bikes and not us?"

"Cause I knew you guys would kill each other trying to get it," Jake laughed.

"That's right," Embry stepped forward, "I want in. And if it means taking down shorty over here then I might just do it."

Quil shoved Embry with a swift push. Embry staggered but caught his balance, then reached out and grabbed Quil by the shirt.

Jacob stood up.

"Knock it off! Neither of you are getting the other bike!" he shouted at them.

"What?" Quil said, "What are you going to do with it then? It's too beautiful of a machine to just gut and toss, Jake!" he pleaded.

I looked over at the bikes. Beautiful they were not. At least not yet. I couldn't see the appeal of old, rusty metal.

Jacob looked smug.

"The other one is for Bella," he stated.

Embry and Quil both wore matching looks of shock. They stared at me with their mouths hanging open.

I shook my head to register what I had just heard.

"For me?" I asked. I was just as surprised as his friends.

Jacob turned and smiled at me.

"Yea." He crouched to his knees, yet he was still towering over me. "What do you say? I fix these both up and I'll teach you to ride."

I heard Embry and Quil hold their breath waiting for my answer.

"I...guess." I said, my voice noticeably unsure.

Jacob grinned.

"You hear that?" He turned back to his friends, "That means you guys can get lost now!"

Embry shrugged.

"So we wait until Bella crashes and won't ride it anymore. Can't be too long."

"Hey!" Jacob leapt to his feet. His voice was venomous.

Quil interceded.

"You missed dinner at the Clearwater's' the other night," he said changing the subject.

"Yea I know," Jacob agreed, "How was it?" He sat back down next to me and placed his hand on my knee.

Embry and Quil exchanged a look.

"Sam was there," Embry said. He paused and shot another look at Quil. "with Emily."

"What's the big deal about that?" Jacob's furrowed his eyebrows.

"No one's seen her since the bear attack," Embry lowered his voice.

"Bear attack?" I gasped.

Embry looked at me and raised his eyebrows. It was clear he thought I already knew about the attack.

"Yeah," Embry continued, "Her and Sam, they were up by the river fishing for salmon. The story's kind of fuzzy, but she was clawed by a bear."

My breath caught in my throat. Jacob's hand tightened around my knee.

"And Sam?" I asked.

Embry shrugged. "He was able to distract the bear somehow. He grabbed Emily and ran."

I covered my mouth with my hand. Poor Emily.

"She was in the hospital for a while," Jacob said to me. His voice was very low and somber. "No one was allowed to go and see her. It was weird around here. The council held a meeting about her attack. Sam was called to attend it."

"They're engaged now," Quil said. "Sam and Emily. She was wearing a ring last night. But…no one noticed it." He looked down. The atmosphere in the small garage had gone from pleasant to morose.

"What did she look like?" Jacob asked.

"She looked bad, man," Embry groaned. "She has these deep, raw claw marks running down the side of her face. Real deep. And her eye..." he broke off.

"Her eye?" Jacob repeated.

Quil swallowed hard. "It doesn't move. I don't, I don't think she can see out of it. It's pulled down at one end. That side of her mouth is too."

Jacob's grip on my knee became painful. I placed my hand on top of his and he relaxed, but only a little.

"What was Sam like?" Jacob prodded. I glared at him quizzically. What an odd question for him to ask.

"About the same," Embry shrugged. "He was following Emily around of course, like a lost puppy. And the elders were fawning over him as usual. They kept trying to get him alone but it was clear Sam didn't want to leave Emily's side. Finally some of the council members cornered him and they whispered to each other for a while."

Jacob nodded.

"Did Sam say anything to you guys?" Jacob asked with a touch of worry in his voice.

"He did to me," Embry admitted. "He asked where you were. I told him you were...out with your girlfriend. He didn't like that."

Jacob snorted.

Embry continued. "He said that "family is more important" that the tribe should come first. He said you should be here, supporting the tribe-_setting an example_." Embry rolled his eyes theatrically to show how ridiculous it was.

Jacob eyes narrowed. He looked furious.

"Don't sweat it Jake," Quil said, "He's just being a jerk. Its okay for him to be engaged but you can't have a girlfriend? He's crazy. Don't let him get to you."

"Right," Jake spoke through his teeth.

Quil and Embry must have sensed that the tension was getting thick in the small garage. They exchanged another look and started backing towards the door.

"Sorry about being a downer, Bella," Quil sighed apologetically.

"That's alright," I forced a smile.

"See ya then," Quil said and he and Embry left. It seemed weird to think they had come here in such high spirits about the bike. The conversation had turned so quickly.

Jacob rose to his feet.

"You should go home Bella," he said quietly. He wasn't looking at me.

"What's wrong?" I stood and put my hand on his back. "What's going on with Sam?"

Jacob exhaled loudly.

"He's just really getting to me. The way he walks around the reservation like he's king or something. And all the elders-they go nuts over him. They think he's the best thing to happen to our tribe in a hundred years."

"Why do they think that?" I asked.

"I have no idea. But my dad's got it into his head too. I can't say one wrong word about Sam without getting yelled at. Sam and Paul. They just act so weird. Like a gang."

"A gang?"

"Maybe not a gang, since there's only two of them. But, I'm telling you Bella. They go around the reservation making comments to me and to Embry and Quil and the other guys my age. Telling us to straighten out, act right, grow up, take responsibility. 'Set an example' that's one of Sam's favorites. They call themselves The Protectors. It creeps me out."

"That does sound weird," I said.

Sure, it sounded a little aggravating to always have someone on your back. But Sam seemed to just be trying to keep the peace on La Push. What's so bad about that?

"Come on," Jacob sighed. "I'm going to follow you home in the Rabbit. Make sure you're okay."

He took my hand and we walked together to the truck. The woods surrounding Jacob's house were dark. They seemed more menacing now. I was reminded of my dream. And the bear. I thought of how Emily's face must look. The pain behind it. I shuddered.

I stopped walking and yanked Jacob's hand. I wasn't strong enough to pull him to me but he followed my lead and closed the space between us.

"What?" he asked.

"Is this why you've been so worried about me? Because of Emily?"

"Yes," he admitted, "It happened a while ago. And it didn't bother me so much then. But this bear...this _super_bear… that's been seen in Forks now. I couldn't- I don't know what I'd do if-"

He went quiet.

"You can come and get me at school everyday," I looked up at him, "I want you to be close to me. I want to make sure you're safe too."

He smiled slowly.

"Alright." He bowed and kissed me on the dark path. He twined his fingers through my hair. A moan rumbled in his throat. I pressed my lips harder to him. He was so _warm_.

Somewhere distant, there was a low sound of a howl.

.

* * *

A/N: Please review!


	4. Chapter 4: Voice

I do not own Twilight. But I wish I owned Edward.

.

* * *

**Chapter Four**

Voice

.

I spent the following weeks by Jacob's side. We were together constantly. Jacob kept up the façade of protecting me against the super-bear, which continued to make appearances in the woods around Forks and the reservation, but I had a feeling Jacob just wanted to be around me. And that was fine with me. He came to pick me up after school daily, much to Mike's displeasure. When I walked out of my last class to the parking lot, I would smile brightly at the sight of the Rabbit.

Since Jacob was set on being my personal bodyguard, we had decided to use our extended time together to our advantage. Or more like, to the bikes' advantage. We spent every afternoon searching for motorcycle parts.

First, Jacob had taken me to the dump where he climbed piles of rubbish, pulling out scraps and chunks of machinery. His face would light up with every piece he could find.

When the dump was thoroughly expended, Jacob took me to mechanics in the surrounding towns around Forks. He would negotiate prices on parts and come back to the car jubilant with armfuls of what looked to me like greasy junk.

As January came to an end, the motorcycles started to take form. They were now standing up on kickstands, complete with new tires with deep treads wrapped around the rims of the wheels. Their old faded color had been completely scrapped off to prepare for the new paint job. I shared in Jacob's excitement that they would soon be finished, but would eye my bike wearily. The fact that one of these mammoths belonged to me rattled my insides with unease.

When I wasn't on the reservation or eating dinner with Charlie, I was bearing my forced friendships at school. Jessica was practically humming with anticipation over Valentine's Day next week. We walked together after last period as she rambled on about Mike and her hopes that he was going to ask her to be his Valentine.

"I mean, who else would he even ask?" She shot a glance at me and then continued, "We've been kind of together for months now. You know, off and on. Close to a year if you count from prom." She smiled happily at that.

I shrugged. Interpretating Mike's hot and cold behavior with Jessica really wasn't my specialty. Especially now that Mike had become increasingly more distant to me ever since Jacob declared himself as my boyfriend. I found his escorted walks to my classes, as well as any kind of light touching, had stopped. Although, I couldn't really complain about that.

"Oh and if he does ask me, I know just what I'll wear! I went to Seattle with Lauren last weekend and got the hottest outfit! It's got this red top and black skirt-Mike will love the skirt. You know how guys are… easy access." She flit her hand as if to suggest this was common knowledge.

"Hmm," was all I could add to the conversation. Easy access? I shuddered at the thought of Mike wanting to access anything of mine.

We made our way into the parking lot while Jessica debated which restaurant she wanted Mike to take her to. She ruled out ones that cost anything less than fifty dollars per person. I smirked at her. Apparently she thought Mike's job at the sporting goods store was well enough paid to accommodate her "lavish" lifestyle.

Once we were in the center of the parking lot, I searched the rows of cars for Jacob's Rabbit. It wasn't there. A stab of disappointment hit me. He wouldn't forget. Wouldn't just not come without telling me. I started to worry if something had happened to him, keeping him from coming to see me.

At that moment I heard the loud roar of an engine. I whirled my head to the sound it was coming from. I couldn't believe my eyes.

Jacob tore through the parking lot on a shining black motorcycle. His black hair was trailing behind him and his long russet-colored arms stretched out in front of him gripping the handle-bars. He wore sleek tinted sunglasses that disappeared into his hair. Jessica gasped next to me and I turned to see her mouth drop.

The bike came to a stop in front of Jessica and me. Jacob planted his feet to the cement and smiled wildly.

"You finished it!" I shouted over the thunderous engine. "Jake it looks amazing!"

Jessica stood beside me stunned in silence for once.

"Yea...its pretty bad-ass," Jacob agreed. He slid forward a little and made room on the double seat behind him.

"Hop on." He patted the leather seat.

"What?"

"This is the first voyage out, Bells. You've got to ride with me," he begged.

I caught my breath. The bike was roaring and vibrating with power. I was terrified of it. But Jacob just looked so _good_ on it. The bike was the same jet-black color of his hair. His large hands enveloped the handles completely. I felt myself wanting to sit behind him, to wrap my arms around his body as we soared through town.

"Okay," I grinned back at him.

"What?" Jessica suddenly came back to life. "Bella! You aren't going to get on that thing! Are you?" she demanded.

"Of course I am," I said without looking at her, "I helped him build it."

Okay, so that last part was not entirely true. Maybe I only supervised.

Her mouth dropped open again.

I walked over to Jacob on the bike. He reached behind him and unclasped a small silver helmet from the side and handed it to me.

"Safety first," he smiled. His face was practically burning with excitement.

I was grateful for the helmet. At least if we crashed, my head would be fine. I didn't want to think about the rest of my body parts.

I clipped the helmet under my chin and straddled the bike. It shook with aggressive vigor beneath me.

My hand reached behind me to check my book bag on my back. It felt securely in place. At least I didn't have to worry about it ripping open during take off.

"Bella!" Jessica called again. "What are you doing?"

I finally turned to look at her. Her eyes were wild with desire. I could tell she so desperately wished it was her climbing on the back of a motorcycle in front of the entire school.

At that thought I looked around us and saw that a crowd had formed. They were gawking at us. I could make out the faces of Angela and Ben, Mike, Katie and Austen- who was glaring at the motorcycle enviously. It looked like he was regretting giving up the bikes so easily.

"Don't forget to hold on," Jake said. At his words, I pushed away the images of the crowd. I wanted to enjoy this.

I lifted my body from my seated position, trying to get my face as close to Jake's as possible.

"Oh, I don't mind that part," I said. Then I sank into the seat again and slid my arms around his waist. I held myself to him as tightly as I could.

I closed my eyes. My breath was coming faster. I buried my face into the back of Jake's t-shirt.

Then we were flying. The wind whipped at my sides. My hair twisted and twirled frantically behind me. I gripped him tighter.

He turned off of the pavement and onto a dirt road, slowing a little so the bike could adapt to the change of terrain. I could feel his body shaking with laughter. He was enjoying this.

I squeezed him with my arms.

"Faster," I urged him.

Then I heard it.

"_**You are being reckless and stupid**__**Bella."**_

It was his voice. Edward's.

The sound hit me like lightning.

I gasped and my arms broke their hold on Jacob. For a brief second I was free in the air and then I smacked into the dirt road and tumbled, my limbs flailing.

Pain. Real pain. It was everywhere.

"Bella!" I heard Jacob call. The sound of his footsteps sprinting towards me pounded against the earth.

I heard myself screaming. Screaming at the top of my lungs, relentless.

"Bella! Bella!" I felt Jacob's hands cradle my head as he unsnapped the helmet and slid it off.

"Please, Bella! Please be alright!" His voice was catching on something. He sounded like he was choking.

I tried to look at him but my vision was blurry. Tears poured from my eyes.

"The _pain_," I cried.

"Where? Where Bella!" Jacob screamed. He was frantic.

My shoulder was hurt, I could feel that. But the pain that was over taking me, that caused the screams to rise in my throat, was from hearing the perfect Voice. It ripped a hole into my chest. I felt like I was bleeding on the inside.

I choked and gulped for air.

"When will it stop?" I sobbed.

"What?" Jacob's voice was distracted. I felt his hands moving along my body, feeling out different bones and spots that might be injured.

"Bella, I'm going to pick you up, okay?"

The screaming did not stop. Would not stop. I could not control it.

It was all consuming. The Voice still rang clear in my head. I wanted nothing more for it to stop. But I was afraid of what would happen to me again once it was gone.

Then my body was lifting and the heat of Jacob enveloped me. He curled me into his chest and I felt a steady shaking. He was running.

I closed my eyes. _Reckless and stupid_. The hole tore. And then there was nothing.

.

* * *

.

My eyes opened and at first I didn't recognize where I was. I was laying on something soft, so I knew I couldn't still be on the dirt road.

"Bella?" a voice spoke.

Not _the_ _Voice_.

I winced. I did not want to remember the sound of his words in my head. Wasn't it torture enough that he was in my every dream, _my nightmares_? I did not want to be haunted by him while I was fully conscious. I could not handle to hear him everyday at any moment whenever he pleased. I was trying to piece myself back together. How could I do that when the sound of him ripped me apart?

"Are you okay baby?" This voice was Charlie's.

"Dad?" I breathed.

"I'm here." I felt him sit beside me. I searched for his face. His warm eyes were looking down at me. They were red and puffy.

"How do you feel Bella?" It was another voice from somewhere in the room. I turned and saw Dr. Gerandy standing over me.

I breathed deeply, closing my eyes to focus on my body.

"My shoulder hurts. And…" I held up my left hand, a thick bandage wrapped around my wrist and up my palm "my wrist."

"Anything else?" Dr. Gerandy asked.

I breathed again. My back and legs stiffened.

"Just aches," I answered.

"That's good," Dr. Gerandy bellowed, sounding pleased.

"Good?" I asked.

"Well, Bella. That's what we already knew. You have a shoulder contusion." He registered the confused look I was giving him. "A uh, bruised shoulder bone if you will. And you sprained your left wrist. Not bad for a motorcycle accident," he grinned. "The helmet saved your head from injury and your school bag softened the blow to your back."

"It wasn't an accident," I admitted slowly, "I let go."

"You _what_?" Charlie cried.

"I let go of Jacob. He was being perfectly safe. He even slowed down." I looked down at my hands.

"Why would you let go of him Bella?" Charlie asked with an accusing edge to his voice.

I winced again, remembering the reason.

"I don't know," I said quietly, "I guess I got spooked." I shuddered at my own words.

I shifted cautiously and sat up to see exactly where I was. It was Charlie's living room. Charlie sat next to me on the couch, Dr. Gerandy had moved to lean against the fireplace, and Billy Black was seated in his chair in the far corner of the room.

"Where is Jacob?" I asked looking around the room. Jacob was missing from our little gathering.

Billy coughed from his chair.

"He's outside," Charlie muttered.

"Outside?" I looked to Charlie but he turned his face away from me.

"I didn't want him in here. He's sitting out on the porch waiting."

"Dad! Why?"

How could he keep Jacob outside? It was wrong.

Charlie turned to me, his eyes were hard now and his lips pulled down into a frown.

"Because. This is his fault."

"Now Charlie," Billy's gruff voice spoke, "Bella knew very well what she was getting herself into with the motorcycle. You just heard her say she let go of Jake. Don't blame this all on my son."

Charlie ignored him.

"Dad! If this is anyone's fault it's mine! I got frightened. And I was stupid enough to let go of Jake! So I fell! So what? I fall all the time. My body's been through worse than this," I reminded him.

"She's right," Dr. Gerandy chimed in. "I saw her x-rays that were sent over from the hospital in Phoenix last year. Compared to that, recovering from this one should be child's play for Bella." He chuckled lightly.

Charlie glared at him.

I gritted my teeth and spoke slowly and deliberately.

"Will someone please go and get Jacob."

My eyes fixed on Charlie.

Dr. Gerandy spoke up.

"I'll get him, dear. I should be going anyway. Not everyone gets house calls, you know." He winked.

"Wait," Charlie stood and stepped toward him, "Is she going to be okay?"

Dr. Gerandy smiled.

"She'll be fine. She should go easy on the shoulder but it's nothing a little Advil won't help. Just be glad she was wearing that helmet, Chief." He patted Charlie on the side of his arm and then walked out of the living room. I heard the door open and Dr. Gerandy's voice tell Jacob he could go inside.

The living room was silent while we all listened to Jacob's soft footsteps as he entered the room. His face was drawn and his eyes were red like Charlie's. His T-shirt was smeared with dried blood and dirt.

"Bells?" he whispered. He sounded lost.

"Oh Jake," I said softly and he walked closer to me.

Charlie stepped to the side blocking him.

"Dad!" I yelled and Charlie moved reluctantly, eyeing Jacob as he set himself down in the armchair.

Jacob walked quickly to my side. He knelt on the floor and his face looked down over me.

"I'm so...so sorry Bells," his voice quivered.

I reached my good hand to his hair and stroked it. It was matted and dirty.

"Jake," I moved my fingers to his face, lightly touching his temple, "there is nothing to be sorry about. Honestly. This was just me being..." C_razy_, I thought. "Clumsy," I finished.

He brought his hand to mine and cupped my hand to his cheek.

Charlie cleared his throat loudly.

Ignoring Charlie, I leaned over to Jacob and kissed him. I parted my lips and tasted his sweet breath.

"Bella," Charlie called with a stern voice.

Jacob pulled away still looking sullen, but his mouth twitched up at the side for the tiniest instant.

"Dad, Billy, will you give us some privacy please?"

That didn't help Charlie's bitter attitude. He stood from his chair too quickly and it skidded backward against the floor. He walked to Billy's chair and gripped the handles, pushing Billy towards the kitchen.

I straightened myself on the couch and held out my arms in front of me to access the damage. Besides the ace bandage wound tightly around my left wrist there were deep gashes running up my arm. They looked like they had been cleaned and were starting to dry out. My palms had scratches and cuts caked with clotted blood and my fingers suffered a few split nails but otherwise I looked okay from what I could see.

Jacob watched me silently. He wore a look of utter guilt.

"What is the matter with you?" I crossed my arms over my chest. _Ow_. My shoulder revolted.

"What? With me?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Stop looking at me like I'm some kind of burn victim. Has no one told you? I'm fine!" I smiled gently, trying to convince him all was well.

"You don't look fine," he said and glanced over my wrist and hands.

I sighed.

"Well, I feel fine. Just a few scratches. A bruise or two. Really, Jake." I moved over on the couch to make room for him. My body was definitely achy- it practically creaked as I moved.

The instant he sat next to me I leaned into him and rested my head in the crook between his shoulder and chest.

Jacob was quiet for a few minutes and I did not want to ruin the moment by speaking. His body was warm and soft against me. I breathed deeply. His scent was everywhere. It relaxed me.

"I just don't get it Bells," he finally said.

"Get what?"

"We were on the dirt road. And everything was fine. I heard you say "faster" so I was going to really gun it but then you were….gone. Just gone, Bells." He shook his head in disbelief, like he doubted his own story. "And then," he swallowed hard. "I heard you screaming. I've never heard it like that before. You wouldn't stop."

I bit my lip. Jacob deserved an explanation. I couldn't let him think this was his fault. What reason could I possibly give for leaping off a motorcycle and then screaming my head off when he came to help me? There was nothing reasonable, no lie I could tell. He deserved the truth.

"Jake," I started. I kept my voice low.

He took my hand in his and then kissed the top of my head.

"When we were riding, I wanted to go faster. The feel of the wind…and holding you... I wanted more." I paused, thinking of how I should continue. I closed my fingers around his hand.

"Then, I heard something. A voice. In my head. I got… scared I guess. Shocked, more like it. And I just let go." I waited for his response.

What would he think when I admitted to hearing a voice in my head?

"A voice?" Jacob repeated. "What did it say?"

I closed my eyes. I did not have to think to remember the words. They were burned into my memory, whether I wanted them there or not.

"He said I was being stupid. Reckless."

Jacob's breath caught.

"The Voice is a he?" he demanded.

I didn't mean to let that out. But, if I was going to offer Jacob the truth than I should give him all of it.

"It was…_his_ voice." I broke my hand from Jacob's and pressed it hard against my chest, trying to hold myself together. "Edward's."

Jacob's body went rigid.

"Let me get this straight." His voice was deep and seething. "You heard _his_ voice in your head telling you that you were being stupid. When you were with me."

I sat up surprised that he would take it that way. I shook my head at him.

"No! No, Jake. Not because of you. Because of the motorcycle. Because I wanted to go faster. It was like he was…giving me an order… to be safe." I winced again.

Jacob shifted his body so that he was facing me.

"You are safe. With me."

"I know that."

Jacob closed his eyes for a moment. Then nodded once to himself and opened them.

"Does he—it, happen often?"

Finally I was proud of my next answer.

"No. This was the first time. And, I hope it will be the last. I don't want to have him in my head. Not anymore."

I felt my throat close and my eyes were stinging. I bit down on my lip to try to stop this before it started. I didn't want to cry over the Voice in front of Jacob.

"Bella, don't…" Jacob whispered softly. He leaned into me and kissed the tip of my nose.

Well that did it. Tears spilled over my cheeks. I wiped at them with my good hand.

"Okay," he said slyly and wrapped his arm around me, "So you hear a voice. I can handle that. I always knew you were nuts anyway," he laughed.

I sobbed in relief.

"You don't, hate me?" I asked.

"Hate you? Bella, how could I ever hate you? I mean, you scared the shit out of me. But I could never hate you."

I sighed, grateful that voices didn't seem to bother Jacob.

"I didn't mean to scare you like that, Jake." I straightened up, ignoring the pain in my shoulder. "I promise to never let go of you again."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew they would mean something different to him than I intended. I should have clarified that I meant if we ever rode his bike again.

"I'll hold you to that," he grinned.

Jacob stood and lifted me off the couch; his arms lingered at my waist.

"Come on, I bet you're hungry. Rolling around in the dirt can take a lot out of you," he teased and then patted me lightly on the butt. I stiffened automatically. It had been the first time he had ever touched me there….or anywhere that wasn't my waist or my arms or my face.

"Not really," I said not paying attention to what he had asked. My mind was fixed on his hand resting on the back of my jeans.

"Well I am. Carrying your girlfriend across town works up an appetite." His arm slid up my back and around my shoulder. He was careful of the injured one, but tucked me under his arm and we walked to the kitchen.

A loud banging noise startled me. Someone was knocking at the front door with furious strength. The door was shaking in its frame.

"What the—"Jake started.

I slipped out from under Jake's arm and darted to the door.

"Just a second," I called, hoping the person would stop before they knocked down the door.

Turning the knob, I swung the door open and there was Sam Uley standing on Charlie's front porch. His hands were balled into tight fists at his side.

"Hello Bella," he said with a controlled tone, "I heard about the accident, are you okay?" He asked me in a way that sounded like he didn't really care about my well being, but didn't want to be rude either.

I nodded slowly. What was Sam Uley doing here at my house?

"Good," he answered methodically. Where is Jacob Black?" He spit out the name.

I stared at Sam in shock. He looked like he was going to rip Jake's head off at the first sight of him. I didn't want to answer. Not when Sam looked so…enraged.

"I'm right here." Jacob stepped beside me. His eyes met Sam's glare and then he moved in front of me, putting his body between me and Sam Uley.

"I need to talk with you Jacob," Sam commanded.

"Yea, what about?" Jacob snapped, "What could any of this have to do with you?"

I grabbed Jacob's arm. The two of them were standing too close to each other for my liking.

"Don't," I whispered to Jacob. He ignored me.

"I will not speak like this in front of the girl," Sam said.

"What did you say?" Jacob's voice rose and he inched closer to Sam.

They were practically nose to nose.

"Jacob, please," I begged, pulling at his arm.

Sam reached out and grabbed Jacob's wrist. Jacob's eyes flashed with fury and he shoved Sam hard square in the chest. I shut my eyes, preparing to hear Sam stumble off of the front steps. Jacob was strong and forceful when he wanted to be. There was no way Sam could have braced himself for that.

But instead I heard grunting and shuffling of footsteps. I opened my eyes and saw Sam pulling Jacob by the wrist into the front yard.

"Jake!" I shouted and flung myself out the front door.

"_Stay put_," Sam ordered me.

"Don't you tell her—"Jacob snarled, but Sam restrained him, holding Jacob's arms tightly to the side of his body.

"Relax!" Sam ordered Jacob. "You need to control yourself!"

Jacob bucked under Sam's clutch. This didn't seem to bother Sam, or even sway him from the force of it. Sam just stood there holding Jacob steady, waiting patiently for him to stop fighting.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie call behind me from the kitchen, "What's going on over there?"

I stuck my head through the door.

"Dad! It's Sam Uley! He's fighting with Jacob!"

Charlie came into the hallway and Billy rolled his chair behind him.

"Sam is here?" Billy asked. He sounded like he had expected it.

"Yes!" I called, rushing to them, "They're outside! Sam grabbed Jacob and—"

Charlie pushed by me and strode to the front door. I hurried behind him expecting to watch him run to the front yard and pull Sam off of Jacob.

But Charlie just leaned against the open door frame and exhaled.

"They're not fighting Bells," he said smiling at me.

"What?"

I looked out the front door. Sam and Jacob were now talking quietly at the end of the driveway. Jacob still looked agitated, and the guilt from before had returned to his face. Sam was speaking to him, and when he put his hand on Jacob's shoulder, Jacob shook it off.

Billy wheeled beside me.

"Come inside, let's allow them to talk in private," he suggested. Something about his voice made me think that Billy knew exactly what was going on.

Charlie and Billy went back to the living room. I heard the television turn on and a sport announcer start shouting about a score.

I went to follow, but instead I just leaned by body against the frame like Charlie had. I noticed a car was parked in front of the house. Inside there were three La Push boys, well, they really looked more like men. They were all very large and seemingly crammed into the car. Each of them had buzzed hair, just like Sam.

I heard footsteps and brought my attention back to Jacob. He was walking toward me with his shoulders hunched and his eyes down.

"What was _that_ about?" I said, reaching out to take his hand.

Jacob walked passed me without a glance.

"Let's go to your room," he said flatly.

I nodded and followed him up the stairs. Once we were inside my room and the door closed, Jacob went off in a rage.

"Sam Uley! What an asshole! As if I don't feel bad enough!" He paced through my room, his hands formed tight fists and he pressed them against his temples.

"What did Sam say to you? Why was he so mad?" I sat on my bed watching him stalk passed me.

"I can't believe he had the nerve to- Just strolls up like he—" Jacob cut himself off each time, muttering profanities under his breath.

"Jake, calm down! You're shaking!" And he was. His whole body was trembling.

"I'm fine," he said and then stopped mid-step to steady his body. "He came here to reprimand me for putting you in danger. He said I was being irresponsible. That members of the tribe—men—wouldn't act so," he clenched his teeth; the last word barely made its way out, "_reckless_."

I felt my face turn red. Reckless. The exact word the Voice had used. _His_ voice. Jacob definitely wouldn't like that.

"Why would Sam care what happened?" I was confused.

Jacob snorted.

"He's a _P__rotector_, remember?"

"Oh, right." I nodded. "Wait, I thought just for La Push?"

"Yeah," Jacob brought his fists down from his head, "Well I guess when someone from La Push gets a girl from the outside hurt, it doesn't exactly set a good image for the res. So Sam and his gang came to remind me of that."

I remembered the men in the car.

"Is that who those men were? In the car? His gang?" It made sense. I wouldn't want to cross any of them, Sam included. They were all _enormous_. Bigger than Jake even.

Jacob went to the window. He stood in front of it, looking out.

"Yea. Sam, Paul, Jared, and Embry. The Protectors." Jacob laughed without humor at the last word.

"Embry?" I stood up in shock. "Embry is part of Sam's gang?"

"Yeah," Jacob said, not looking away from the window. "I didn't know until now. He hadn't been around for a while. He was sick and was home for a few weeks. After that day he came to my garage, remember? After that, Quil, me, no one saw him… until now. He's one of them."

"Oh Jake," I sighed and went to him. My wrist and shoulder protested in discomfort as I wrapped myself around him.

Jacob bent his towering body into mine and spoke softly into my chest.

"As if I need them to come here and tell me how awful I am for doing this to you. For letting this happen. They don't need to make me feel guilty for hurting you. I've got that covered."

I pressed my cheek to his hair.

"Stop thinking like that. I've told you this is not your fault. Don't let Sam Uley and his gang make you feel any worse about this. Screw them!" I added hotly.

Jacob laughed beneath me.

He took his time uncurling himself from my embrace. I loosened my arms around him and he raised his head, pressing his face into my neck. His warm lips grazed my skin before kissing me once on the throat, then again just under my ear. I closed my eyes and focused on his touch. His lips pursed against my cheek, my forehead, my eye-lids. And then I felt them on mine. He kissed me softly, sweetly. Our lips parted and his tongue entered my mouth.

I grabbed his shirt in both of my hands and pulled him to me. I raised myself onto my toes, trying to get closer. Jacob reacted quickly to my encouragement. He tucked one arm around the small of my back and lifted me off the floor. His lips never left mine.

He stepped quickly to the bed and pushed me onto it, climbing over me as my back slid along the comforter. Jacob's body was on top of me, around me… everywhere. He moaned again into my mouth and his hand went to my shirt.

I froze.

Jacob pulled his face from mine.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his hand still grasping the hem of my top.

"Um," I bit my lip, "nothing."

"Am I hurting you?" he asked. He looked to my shoulder.

_No, everything was fine there._

"No, it's not that. It's just. We're laying on my bed, making out… and you were about to go up my shirt." I stated.

He grinned. "Oh, that." Then brought his lips back to mine.

"Jacob!" I broke away.

"What Bella? Does this bother you? Do you want me to stop?" He said, still smiling… like he already knew my answer.

_Cocky little bastard._

No, I did not want him to stop. Physically, I _definitely_ did not want to stop. But other parts of me weren't ready. Like I wasn't prepared to get this physical with Jacob, and the shock that it was actually happening sent up warning flares in protest.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I knew why my body was reacting this way. Before, in my past life, I had decided that there was only one person I would be with like this. Only one boy I would let hold me and touch me the way Jacob was now. From somewhere deep within me, a small part was still holding on to that, to save myself for the one person I loved.

That person did not want me. There was no one to be faithful to, no one to betray with infidelity. Except myself.

"No. Don't stop," I whispered to Jacob, "It's…nice to be wanted like this."

He dove back to my lips. His body pushed harder against me and he pulled at the hem again. I shifted underneath him and allowed his hand to slip under the soft fabric. His fingers trailed across my stomach, as he kissed me, still gentle, but deeper. Jacob gave a throaty moan and pushed his hand to my breast. He cupped me in his palm and broke our kiss. His hot breath panted onto my neck.

He squeezed his hand roughly around me and my breath hitched. I had never been touched like this before by anyone. Never felt the touch of a boy who so willingly gave in to his desire. Desire for me.

"Jacob?" Billy called from downstairs.

"Shit," Jacob said. His hand released me at once.

"Bella?" Charlie called now.

Jacob pushed himself off of me and rolled onto his back on the bed. He grabbed a pillow from the corner of the bed and placed it over his lap.

_Um, okay. What's that about?_

"Shit, Dad," he groaned.

I sat up and fixed my shirt. It was wrinkled and creased from being balled up between our bodies.

"We're coming!" I answered, then stood up and grabbed Jacob's hand.

"Come on," I urged him. "They're going to think something is up if we don't move now!"

Jacob sighed and batted the pillow away. Everything looked fine down there. Maybe it was a false alarm.

I pulled him out into the hallway at the top of the stairs. He moved slowly behind me. Reluctant. His face was completely flushed and I was guessing mine was as well.

"Let's go Jacob," Billy said once he saw us emerge from my room. "Bella probably needs to rest."

Jacob nodded at his father and turned to me.

"Hey," he whispered and he dug his hand into his pocket, "I almost forgot about this." He lifted his hand and held up my necklace. The deep red pendant twirled on the chain. It was broken.

"My necklace!" My hand went to my throat but, of course, it wasn't there.

"Yeah, it must have broke when you fell. It was lying there in the dirt. Maybe we can get it fixed this weekend," he sighed and placed the necklace in my hand.

"Oh no," I breathed.

"Don't worry about it, Bells. Something was bound to break, I'm just glad it wasn't your neck."

I scowled at him playfully and then perched myself on my toes again to kiss him on the nose.

"Goodnight," I said.

"Night Bells." He kissed my forehead and then barreled down the stairs.

I leaned over the railing to watch him leave. After Charlie shut the front door, he turned to me.

"Bella, you want to come down here and talk about today?" Charlie asked. It was clear he wanted to get some answers, like how Jacob acquired a motorcycle, maybe?

"Not really, Dad. I'm beat," I yawned for good measure and wished Charlie goodnight before going back to my room.

I sat down on my bed. The room felt warm, like Jacob, and his scent was still lingering on my bed, but even still I was bothered by a sense of unease.

The Voice had found me. That little part of me that still clung to the past, conjured up the one thing that would scare me straight. That would send me reeling back into a depression.

If it weren't for Jacob.

He seemed to be the key to getting better. True, I wasn't there yet. The screaming in the road today proved that.

I was trying to put myself together. Like Humpty-Dumpty. I was trying to be a girlfriend. Normal. And still the past crept up on me. I could not hide from it. It had found me.

But, maybe there was a way to completely _let go_ of it.

I clutched my chest, doubling over. I ached at the thought of it.

_I have to let go_, I told myself. The pain seethed, disapproving.

There was only one way I could think of to let go of Edward.

I had to completely and wholly give myself to Jacob Black.

.

* * *

A/N: Just want to clear up incase anyone thinks Bella will be hallucinating Edward's voice more frequently…In the original story (_New Moon_) Bella hears Edward's voice whenever she does something dangerous, and she likes it so much she keeps doing dangerous things to hear that part of him.

That's not the case here. Bella hears Edward's voice because her subconscious recognizes that she is enjoying her time with Jacob, so it creates the one thing that would hold her back…because she is still irrevocably attached to Edward. When Bella realizes this, she knows it stands in the way of becoming normal again, or at least, as normal as she can be. Although it hurts her, she feels that she has to give up Edward for her own sanity. And being with Jacob may be the only way.

If you are reading—please review! It makes Jacob very happy. ;)


	5. Chapter 5: Plan

**.**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

Plan

.

The next morning I woke up with a mission. It was Saturday and Charlie was already gone for the day to go visit Harry Clearwater, so that left me free to carry out my Plan uninterrupted.

There was only one problem. My Plan relied heavily on one major issue. On one person. I sighed, baffled at the fact that the future of my relationship with Jake and even my sanity now depended on the whim of Jessica Stanley.

I had time to kill before I could call Jessica to get the Phase One of The Plan in motion. It was too early to call her house. I would have to wait it out. Besides, it would be better not to agitate her with a morning call anyway. She was still peeved after our last phone conversation where I had hung up on her. She hadn't called me since.

I made my way into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Getting ready would take up at least forty-five minutes, maybe an hour if I drew it out long enough. I stepped into the hot water and let it run down my hair and my face. I took time to shave and wash my hair and even used the apricot body scrub Renee had sent me.

When I finished drying my hair and putting on my clothes, I sat down in front of my computer and started it up. It was taking an excruciatingly long time come alive. I drummed my fingers along the keyboard with impatience.

Once it was ready I checked my email, mostly to kill time before I could call Jessica, and saw that Renee had emailed me. The subject line read: URGENT!

I opened it up and capital letters blared at me from the screen.

I groaned.

It seems Charlie had called my mother about the "accident" yesterday. Her email was messy- with misspelled words and missing periods or commas. She must have been frantic while typing this. Yet, her message was cluttered with a mix of emotions ranging from concern to…praise. She was worried and anxious about my health but in the same sentence went on to congratulate Jacob on owning his first "hog". Then she weighed the fact that he was a bit young to ride one, especially with her daughter on the back, but skipped on to describing the proper way to ride double. This email seemed to sum up my mother's personality: all over the place.

I hit reply.

.

_Mom,_

_Don't freak out. The doctor here says that it's mostly bumps and bruises. I'm sure Charlie made it sound ten times worse than it is but believe me—I'm fine._

_Yes, the bike belongs to Jake. I don't know if it makes him any cooler owning one, but I wish you could have seen him on it…he looks really good. Although I doubt that we will ride it again, Charlie might have the thing burned just to make sure. But if we ever do, I'll heed your advice and remember to hold on next time._

_I was sleeping and had practically passed out on the bed so don't be too mad at Charlie for not waking me up for your calls._

_Don't worry. Jacob and Charlie are taking good care of me._

_We'll talk soon,_

_Bella_

_._

It took a good minute and a half for my computer to successfully send the response. I turned it off and checked the clock. Still early.

I swiveled my chair to face the clock directly and watched the second hand make its way around very, very slowly.

To call or not to call? That was the question.

.

* * *

.

Finally, I decided I had waited long enough. I had the feeling that for Jessica, 9:53 in the morning was still early, but I knew I couldn't bring myself to wait another hour. I would lose my nerve.

I sat on the bottom of the stairs and cradled the house phone in between my uninjured shoulder and my ear. The sound of Jessica's line ringing trilled once loudly and then I heard the click of her picking up the phone.

"Hello!" she shouted with over-excited urgency. I pulled the phone an inch or so away from my ear so I wouldn't go deaf from the sheer volume of Jessica.

"Jess? It's Bella."

"Oh, hi," she replied.

Now there was disappointment in her voice, a very obvious and heavy disappointment. Clearly she was hoping the call was from someone else.

I bit my lip, not knowing what to say next. Suddenly _The Plan_ felt very stupid. Would Jessica even help me, or would she just laugh at my inexperience? My heart sank at the thought of the latter. She would definitely laugh at me, or even worse, prod me for juicy details on my very fleeting and anti-climatic physical intimacies.

My thumb flickered to the END button on the phone. I could simply hang up, not see Jessica, save myself the humiliation…and completely forgo the entire Plan.

But I thought of Jacob. No, I had to go through with it. I gulped silently and then forced myself to speak.

"Um," I mumbled, "I was wondering if you might want to get together today. You know just hang out?" I tried to sound as casual as possible, but the words seemed to trip their way out of my mouth.

"You want to hang out with me?" Jessica's asked roughly, as if she couldn't believe that I would suggest such a thing.

I decided the best way to go about this was to play dumb and pretend that the tension between us from the last few months wasn't there. I wanted to sound like this is what we did all the time. That, like any normal teenage girl, I just wanted to hang out with my friend.

"Yes, of course. We are still friends, right?" I asked, emphasizing the word "_friends_". Maybe she would take pity on me and excuse my distant behavior towards her…well, towards everyone really.

"Sure Bella," her tongue clucked as she said my name, "Why don't you come over here and we can just hang around my place today?"

Relief waved through me.

"Great! Can I…come over now?" I asked, picking myself up off the stairs and snatching the keys to my truck.

"Um," she paused, "Sure."

"Thanks, Jess. Really. I'll be over in a bit." I clicked off the phone and scribbled a note to Charlie where I was going before I darted out the front door.

I got to Jessica's house sooner than I had expected but was glad for that anyway. I had been rehearsing questions in my head the entire ride over, only to reject every single one of them. Just thinking about them made me blush.

I rang her doorbell with a shaking hand.

Jessica opened the door and her eyes nearly popped out of her head. She stared at me, taking notice of all my injuries, giving special attention to my arms and wrist. Then she relaxed her gaze and smiled with fake sincerity to greet me.

"Bella, come in! What happened to you?"

I walked inside and felt her eyes on me as she shut the door. It might have been an innocent enough question, considering my physical appearance was marred by cuts and bruises, but coming from Jessica' mouth, it sounded more like someone digging greedily for gold.

I shrugged and winced from the twinge of discomfort in my shoulder.

"The usual calamity of being me," I sighed, trying to avoid getting Jessica started on _that_ conversation. I wasn't up for retelling my brief encounter with Jacob's motorcycle…and especially not for the reason why I had fallen off of it.

Jessica rolled her eyes. Apparently my answer wasn't satisfying.

"Jessica, dear, who's at the door?" A woman's voice came from somewhere in the back of the house. It must be Mrs. Stanley.

"Just Bella Swan, Mom!" Jessica called back.

I shifted my weight on my feet and turned around, peering around the corners of Jessica's house, trying to find the perfect spot for Phase One to commence. I didn't see her bedroom anywhere close by and figured it must be upstairs. I was able to make out the kitchen. It seemed to be far enough away from the den, promising quiet privacy so her mother would be unable to hear us. Plus, it would help put me at ease if I kept my hands busy by making something.

"You like coffee?" I asked.

"Yea," Jessica sighed, confused, "Do you, like, want some or something?"

"I can make us some, if that's okay?" I asked. I started inching my feet closer to the kitchen, trying to sway her to lead me there. The sooner we started, the sooner this would be over with.

"Yea, follow me," she said and then stepped in front of me.

Jessica walked into the large kitchen without bothering to turn on the lights. She flicked her hand in the direction of the coffee maker that rested on the counter by the fridge and then stood curiously in the doorway trying to figure out where the rest of the ingredients would be. She twirled her hair aimlessly around one finger as she thought to herself.

She was making me anxious by her extensive pondering. I didn't need her to point out every cup and spoon for me. In fact, I'd rather search for it myself… there would be limited eye-contact if I was busy rummaging through cabinets.

"Just sit, Jess. I can find my way around," I said and then smiled to reassure her. She just sent another confused stare in my direction and then plopped herself gracefully on one of the barstools at the kitchen's center island.

The can of coffee grinds was in the fridge, not much hunting needed for that. I went to work making the coffee, and decided to make it strong.

Jessica was engrossed in peeling off all remnants of her nail polish from her fingernails. I sat down on the stool across from her, waiting for the coffee to brew and watched her flick tiny strips of metallic purple onto the floor.

She let out a dramatic sigh and placed her hands down on the countertop.

"Are you upset about something?" I asked. She looked bothered and I hoped it wasn't due to my presence.

"Yes, I am upset!" she frowned. "Mike _still_ has not asked me to be his Valentine on Monday." She caught herself and narrowed her eyes at me. "He didn't ask _you_, did he?"

"No!" I said, shocked, "I'm sure he's going to ask you," I added quickly, "But you know how Mike is. He's… oblivious to what is right in front of him."

Jessica pursed her lips and watched me intently. I shifted on the stool, feeling uncomfortable as her eyes scrutinized my face. Her hand went to her mouth and she pressed her fingers to her lips distractedly as she examined me.

"Mike _can_ be oblivious," she finally agreed. "But he's also very sweet and…" She trailed off, her lips curving in a slow smile behind her fingers.

I nodded.

"I know what you mean. Mike's a decent guy. He always… understood when it came to me. You know, after I…came back…" I stopped myself from elaborating. There was no other way to put it really. I was gone and then part of me, a very small part, had returned. Mike had been one of the few to welcome me back with, in his case, open arms. But the others, Jessica, Lauren, my teachers… were less trusting.

The coffee maker beeped and I nearly fell off my chair at the sound. I jumped up and grabbed two mugs for us. I set hers down in front of her and poured the coffee. She shoveled sugar into her mug while I hastily gulped at mine in an attempt to keep my mouth busy.

"So Bella," Jessica purred, stirring her coffee slowly. "What happened to you? You know, a few months ago you were like a zombie." She looked up at me with patient eyes—waiting for me to spill.

I hunched deeper into the stool and took another sip, buying myself time. I had tried to prepare myself, knowing that Jessica would ask questions about _before_. But I didn't expect her to dive right in, to ask me what had happened so bluntly… and to put it in such a perfect way. _Like a zombie. _

She was right.

"I died," I said flatly to her. "Zombie is the right word. I was the walking dead." I looked away and shifted my face so it was somewhat hidden behind my hair.

She pressed on.

"And now? Jacob?"

My response was automatic.

"Life support."

My insides twisted at the words. Jacob is keeping me alive…just barely. The small part of me that is functional, I owe to Jake.

_And I'm here to fix that_, I reminded myself.

"Actually, that's kind of why I'm here," I said, not looking Jessica in the eye.

"Why is that?" she smiled sweetly, leaning across the counter.

I turned to look over my shoulder, checking to see if Jessica's mother had moved at all. I didn't want this part of the conversation to be overheard.

Jessica seemed to catch on to my hesitation.

"She's sewing in the den," she said confidently, "We're totally out of range." Then she flashed me a gleeful smile, knowing she was just _so_ close.

I swallowed hard, preparing myself.

"Last night," I started, "Jacob and I…"

"Slept together," Jessica clucked. She was assuming.

"No," I corrected her. "We were just…kissing and stuff." In spite of the embarrassment, my lips turned up in a small smile at the memory of Jacob's breath on my neck as his hand swept across my….

"Well that's nice," Jessica interrupted. I brought my attention back to her and her lips were pulled into a forced, irritated grin.

I rolled my eyes at her.

"That's not all I was going to say," I clarified.

_Here we go_, I thought to myself. I inhaled and let all my breath out in one gust of air.

"I need some advice. On sex," I stated blankly. I fixed my attention on the counter again, waiting for the laughing to begin.

Jessica was silent. I couldn't bring myself to look at her, instead I found myself inching closer to the countertop.

"Bella," Jessica's voice was low and calm, "Have you ever…?"

I winced and shook my head quickly. _No_, I have never.

Jessica's eyes widened. She wasn't expecting that answer.

"And you want to…? With Jacob." She said the last part as a statement, not a question.

I nodded, too nervous to speak. I didn't know if it was the caffeine taking effect or because I had just admitted to Jessica Stanley that I was a virgin.

"Well," she said, clinking her cup on the counter top, "what have you done before? So I know what I'm working with."

"Nothing," I whispered and then corrected myself. "Well…no. Last night, Jacob put his hand up my shirt."

Jessica laughed and then caught herself.

"Sorry Bella," she shrugged.

"It's okay, you can laugh. I know I'm pathetic."

Actually, I was surprised she hadn't laughed sooner.

"Okay, first, pick your head up!" Jessica ordered, raising her voice. "How are you going to manage having sex when you can't even look at me to talk about it?"

I then realized how low I actually was to the counter. My breath was forming hot circles of condensation on the marble. I lifted my head and met her eyes.

"Thanks," she smiled. "So you're saying you have never done anything other than that? _Ever_?"

I frowned. The digging was back.

"No," I said flatly.

"With anyone? Not even someone besides Jacob?" she pressed.

She wanted details from last year…from my past life. There was nothing at all to tell her. No steamy bits of information to share. And not because of me. I was not the reason behind the mortifying innocence. Because the object of my affection _had not wanted me_.

I stared at her and spoke each syllable of each word sharply. To make it clear.

"No. One. _Ever_."

"Alright," she said quickly, obviously trying to back peddle. "So, Jacob got a little boob action. Good for him," she laughed. "When are you planning to do more? Gradually or all at once?"

I relaxed a little. She was taking control of the conversation and for that I had to be thankful. I don't know how far I could take this on my own.

"All at once," I said.

She raised her eyebrows and nodded. Intrigued.

"Ok," she said as she sipped at her coffee, "When?"

With a grimace, I let the words—The Plan-slip between my clenched teeth, "I need to sleep with Jacob on Valentine's Day."

Coffee spurted from Jessica's mouth as she gasped in surprise.

"_What?_" she asked between coughs and swallowing the rest of her coffee.

I looked back down to the counter top, wishing I could just crawl under the island. Repeating myself was out of the question, so I waited for Jessica to continue.

"You _need_ to?"

I shrugged, trying to appear non-committal, but my cheeks were giving me away. I could feel the blood rising; they were surely growing very red, very quickly.

"Is he pressuring you, Bella?"

"No!" I assured her, "He's not like that. He…he has no idea I'm even planning this. I just…I need to do this. To do this…with him."

The warmth from my cheeks seemed to be spreading to the rest of my body. I felt hot. Too hot. And the kitchen seemed to resonate with a pulsing _thud, thud_ sound. It took me a second to realize it as my heart, beating with budding panic.

"Then why? Why on Valentine's Day?" she wrinkled her nose, as if the thickness of the cliché was too much to bear.

I shrugged at her again. I couldn't admit it to Jessica that I picked the date out of sheer urgency. Could she ever believe that I just needed to do this—_now_—to reclaim my sanity?

She rolled her eyes.

"How do you expect me to give you advice, when you won't tell me what's going on?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, "I just thought that you could…"

"That I could _what_, Bella?"

Everything was going wrong. My heart was thumping too loud, the room was too hot, Jessica too curious. I shook my head, trying to clear it. But I couldn't get the one question out of my head. The one question that drove me across town—had me confess to Jessica Stanley of my mortifying virginity—the one question on which my entire life teetered on the answer.

"_Do you have to love him?_"

"What?" Jessica blinked at me in surprise.

"Do you have to love him to do it?" I heard my voice break on the last words. I couldn't look at her anymore. I put my face to the cool countertop and willed myself to not come completely undone in her kitchen.

Even though I owed Jacob for the smallest amount of revival he had given me, I didn't know if I could really go through with this. I didn't love him… but could I make love _to_ him?

"Bella," Jessica's voice was closer and softer than before. She actually sounded sincere. "If you're ready and willing to give yourself like this to someone, then a part of you does love them. Even if the rest of you doesn't know it yet." She paused and then quickly added, "Do you love Jacob?"

My body cringed at the words, but I raised my head to her.

"It's not the same." My words were flat and dry. "It will never be the same."

Jessica nodded, seeming content with that information. Then, something clicked within her. She looked over to me with a kind of understanding. She knew what I had meant. Jacob wasn't who I wanted. But he wanted me.

We looked at each other, and Jessica shifted uncomfortably on her feet.

"So, do you need a condom or something?" Her eyebrows raised and then she shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

I coughed out a laugh, taken by surprise of her suddenly lighter question.

Actually, I did need one. So I nodded.

"Be right back," she muttered, patting me on the back to assure me she would return.

She stepped out of the kitchen and I heard her go upstairs, probably to her room. Leave it to Jessica Stanley to have a stash of condoms readily available.

I waited for her to come back. And the darkened kitchen felt cold and foreign without Jessica in it. I sat on my stool, hunched onto the countertop, completely and totally out of my element. My heart still beat fitfully, speeding and slowing almost at the same time.

Jessica popped back into the kitchen looking victorious.

"Here," she said and shoved several items into my hands, "take these."

I looked down and saw that Jessica had handed me two condoms and a pair of her underwear. It was tiny and lacey and…pink.

Stunned, I held up the underwear in front of me, pinching it between my fingers.

"You want me to wear your underwear?" I asked and grimaced.

"Grow up Bella! They're clean! Besides, do you have anything that would be appropriate for Jacob to see you in before sex?" She clucked smugly. She was right and she knew it.

"No," I admitted and then shoved the underwear into my pocket without another glance. "But I'm washing them again before I wear them."

I turned the condoms over in my hand. Printed on each was: _X-tra Large_. I tucked them in with the underwear, wishing I hadn't seen that. A little too much information about Mike Newton… or whoever Jessica was sleeping with.

"Jess," I said apprehensively, "do you and Mike have sex?" I blushed. Now I was the one digging for information.

"Of course we do," Jessica sighed, "That's why it's so annoying that he doesn't call when he says he will. He's being somewhat of a prick." She stopped and then added "But I'm like in love with him. So, you know…" She waved her hand to the side.

Jessica loved Mike even though he was being so horribly obtuse to her. I smiled sympathetically. She wasn't the kindest of people, but Jessica didn't deserve to be strung along by someone she loved either.

She caught my reaction and frowned.

"I don't need your pity," she said curtly, "besides, you're the weeping virgin."

I wanted to agree with her, but decided she meant that as an insult rather than as a fact. Instead I just tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Does it hurt?" I asked, "The first time?"

"Yes. But, if he's gentle, it won't be so bad because you'll be enjoying it too. Just the fact that you're with him feels good. It makes it less painful."

Jessica grimaced at something and then quickly added "Just tell him to go slow" as she patted my back again.

That wasn't very reassuring.

"So, how do you…start?" I sounded like an idiot, but I couldn't fathom how exactly I was supposed to go from seeing Jacob to… the rest.

"Oh that's easy!" Jessica laughed, "You just touch him. His arm, his chest, his hair. Let your hand linger on him for just a second too long. And make eye contact when you do it. He'll get the idea that something's up. The surest way, is to get him onto the bed, lay him down, and straddle him."

I think my jaw dropped at Jessica's words. _Straddle_ him?

"That way always works for me," Jessica added, "Believe me, when you're on top of him, he's going to know what you want, and he's definitely not going to turn you down."

I was blushing again, picturing myself in Jacob's tiny bedroom and straddling him on the bed. Seduction was far beyond what I had prepared myself to do.

"You know how everything works, right Bella? Where it goes and all that?" Jessica looked at me skeptically. Now she just thought I was plain stupid.

"Yes," I said coolly, "I know that."

Jessica held her hands up in front of her, mocking defense.

"Just checking! Look you're going to be fine. Once he realizes that you're game, he'll just take over for you."

I looked away from her, embarrassed again. Jessica was thankfully unaware that Jacob's a virgin too. I'm his first girlfriend. We're both clueless. As much as I hoped that Jake would do all the dirty work, would he even know what he was doing?

I thought back to the day I had retrieved the motorcycles for Jacob, wondering if he would actually know _how_ to ride them. Then I had decided that he would simply just know. Jacob was good at things like that.

And now I'm depending that he would be good at this.

Jessica sighed loudly—she was losing her patience.

"You don't have to worry about experience, Bella. Things will just happen naturally."

_Naturally_. The way things should happen. The way things should be. Jacob and I were natural. Or at least, we should be. We were human, a boy and a girl. Childhood friends. This is the natural course of events. The path my life should take. Whether it's what I want or not. So The Plan would work. Because this is what would be natural for me, if I wasn't dead inside. Doing this was the only way to wake up.

Jessica was staring at me, waiting, but I had nothing left to ask her. So I stood, grabbed the coffee mugs, and placed them into the sink. I was about to plan my retreat to the front door when the phone rang in Jessica's kitchen.

Jessica was at the receiver in an instant—yelling "_Got it_!" as she yanked the phone off the hook.

"Hello?" she asked, her voice was high and hopeful.

I didn't want to intrude on her phone conversation, but I couldn't just leave. I decided to focus my attention on the hem of my hoodie, pretending to study a loose black thread.

"Oh hey Mike," Jessica said casually and then spun around and beamed at me with a bright smile. I gave her a small thumbs up.

_Just ask her out for Valentine's already_, I prodded Mike to myself.

Jessica listened intently to the other line, her feet tapped happily on the floor as she listened. Yet her voice was cool and collected as she spoke.

"Not much. I'm with friends right now," she answered to Mike.

I lifted my eyebrow at her. Friends? Plural? Last time I checked I was only one person.

Jessica continued to smile and started biting her nails anxiously. I returned to the string from my hoodie and pulled on it.

"Hmm, I guess so. You know, whenever I finish up around here," Jessica said into the phone, then she added "I'll be over a little later. See you then."

She turned to me and caught my eye, then winked. I didn't need any more persuasion than that, Jessica was going to see Mike, and wanted me out. And I was more than happy to leave.

"I'll get going," I said.

"Sure," Jessica said cheerily. She definitely wanted me out…now.

I stepped through the kitchen doorway and then turned back to her.

"Thanks again, Jess. It was… nice today," I said. And meant it. I smiled weakly and walked out front door.

Phase One of the plan was complete. To my surprise, Jessica had actually been hospitable. And Mike had called her. I hoped he would ask her out for Valentine's Day soon. If he didn't do it today she very well may explode.

The right pocket of my jeans bulged. I was hyper aware of Jessica's underwear and condoms jammed into my pocket. Driving back to Charlie's, it felt as if every driver on the road knew what I was carrying. Attention: Nervous Virgin With Condoms On Board.

I pulled into Charlie's driveway. His cruiser was parked in it already. He was home. Probably sitting in the living room waiting for me to come through the door so he can rip me a new one over the motorcycle incident yesterday.

My hand went to my jean pocket. The underwear! _The condoms_! I poked them in deeper with my finger as I walked through the front door.

"Bella?" Charlie called.

"Yeah Dad, where are you?" I walked into the hallway and saw that he was in the living room watching TV.

_Did I even have to ask?_

"Bella, we need to talk," Charlie said, hitting the POWER button on the remote. The TV clicked off with a buzz.

"Ok." I sat in the armchair.

"You know about my job," Charlie began, "that I get calls about car accidents and… motorcycle accidents."

"Dad-" I started, but Charlie held up his hand to stop me.

"Let me finish. The car accidents are bad enough. But the worst accidents I have ever seen, the ones with the highest mortality rate, are the motorcycles. They are just dangerous, Bells! How many times have I said to never, ever ride one? There is no protection from your skin and the pavement. Nothing to cover you and take the hit if you crash. When I see those victims, splattered on the road, I am always thankful that it isn't you.

"And then, yesterday at work, Jacob Black barrels into the precinct with you in his arms. You were limp, just draped over him like a sheet. Bleeding." Charlie paused.

I had no idea that Jacob had brought me to Charlie's precinct. Guilt crept up my throat. I felt like I had something lodged in there. I swallowed. It didn't move.

"He was crying, Bells. And you weren't moving. I thought you were dead." Charlie put his hands over his face and rubbed his forehead. His voice went very hard.

"And the first word out of that boy's mouth was "motorcycle". I could have killed him right there. But I had to know if you were okay. We tried waking you up and I saw that you were breathing, so that relaxed me. Then you started screaming." Charlie shook his head, remembering.

I winced. The screaming again. Poor Charlie.

"Some EMT's cleaned you up and I brought you back here. I called Billy to let him know what his son was up to and when he heard you were hurt, he wanted to come over to see you. So Jacob went to pick him up. I'm telling you all of this Bells, because I want you to know that when you do something you think is fun or dangerous, something that could really put you in harm, when you get hurt you're not the only one in pain. Your mother, Jacob, Billy…" he paused and cleared his throat, "…and me. We all suffer too."

I felt terrible. But how could I tell Charlie that my pain- my screaming- wasn't caused by the motorcycle? That it came from hearing a Voice. He would have me admitted somewhere for mental analysis. Depression, nightmares, screams, voices. How much could I put Charlie through?

"Dad… I…" I breathed, unable to make out the words of my apology. The air felt so thick and heavy. The lump in my throat bobbed.

It was definite. My plan had to be carried out, had to work. Not just for me or for Jacob, but for Charlie too. My suffering was worrying him. Hadn't he just said it himself? When I am hurt, I'm not the only one who suffers?

"I'm telling you right now Bells, if I ever hear about you on that motorcycle again, I'm going to drown that thing in First Beach," Charlie threatened.

"Don't worry Dad," I said, "I think I learned my lesson about what reckless behavior gets me."

_It gets me a hallucinated Voice in my head, taunting me as a horrid reminder of everything I have lost. _

Charlie nodded.

"Jacob called for you while you were out. I gave him the same speech."

"Dad!" I shouted.

"Don't give me that. He needs to hear it. I trust him, you know that. But this is my kid we're talking about here, and I'm not going to have anyone break her again." He darted his eyes to mine, aware of his last words.

"I'm trying not to be broken," I said quietly.

_Trying, but not succeeding. _

"I know," Charlie sighed.

I stood up without another word and went to the phone, dialing Jake's number.

I had to believe The Plan would work. And I had to trust Jacob. He had breathed life into me once, no matter how small; I had to believe that he could do it again. Stronger, deeper, and completely. He had to bring me back to life.

"Hello?" Jacob answered in his throaty voice.

"Hey," I said. It was time to put Phase Two of the plan into action. This wasn't just about me anymore. Nervously, I thumbed the lump in my pocket.

"Bella! What were you up to today?" Jake asked.

"I was visiting Jessica over at her house." I could hear his confusion, even though he remained silent. Jacob knew my friendship with Jessica was rough around the edges.

"Anyway, Jake, I wanted to ask you something." I said and took a deep breath. This was going to sound so lame.

"Yea, Bells?"

"Would you, uh, would you be my Valentine?"

.

* * *

A/N: I know I keep asking but...please review if you are reading. They make my day and encourage me to update sooner!


	6. Chapter 6: First Time

All TWILIGHT rights belong to S. Meyer

Beware...this chapter gives this fic its M rating.

.

* * *

**Chapter Six**

First Time

.

"What?" Jacob asked, now sounding more confused than ever.

"Please don't make me say it again," I pleaded.

He was quiet.

"Valentine's Day is Monday. And, well, don't boyfriends and girlfriends…do things on that day?" I was rambling now, not off to a good start.

The silence broke with the sound of Jacob's laughter booming through the earpiece.

"Don't laugh at me. I'm trying to be a girlfriend, here."

The laughter died down enough for him to speak.

"It's just…" He let a few chuckles escape. "I never had you pegged for being into this whole Valentine's Day stuff."

_You're right about that_, I thought to myself, _but this is like Mission: Impossible. Expect the unexpected._

"You're right, Jake, I'm not _into_ it. But I thought it wouldn't be so bad if we did it our way. You know, without all the chocolates and flowers." It sounded more like I was trying to convince myself.

"Sure, Bells. What did you have in mind?" Jacob asked. I pictured his smug grin that was without a doubt spread across his face.

I sighed.

"I'll just make dinner as usual, if you don't mind Charlie being here for our big, romantic meal?" I answered, "and we can just hang out—maybe rent a movie or something."

"Your Dad is going to be there?" Jacob snickered.

"Yes," I gritted my teeth, "like I said. We can do this our way. Meaning no cutesy-romantic stuff. Just dinner, a movie, and us."

_Oh yeah, and Jessica's underwear_. I rolled my eyes at myself.

"Alright, whatever you say." Jacob finally agreed. "Does this mean I have to get you something?"

"No! Jake, no gifts. Neither of us have a job so buying something would be stupid."

"Sure, Bells."

"So, I'll see you Monday then?" I asked.

Jacob paused.

"What about tonight? Tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.

I shook my head as I answered him.

"I'm just going to lay low for the rest of the weekend. Finish up my homework, spend some time with Charlie, and rest my aching bones," I added lightly.

"I miss you," he pleaded.

"Then you should be even more excited about Monday," I countered.

We said our goodbyes, after Jacob tried again to convince me to see him, and I hung up the phone.

To keep my mind busy, I went into the kitchen and started up lunch. I grabbed some of Harry Clearwater's fish fry and a few filets from the freezer and went to work.

When it was done, I called for Charlie to join me at the table.

"Seeing Jacob later?" Charlie asked as he sat in front of his plate of food.

I shook my head.

"I'll see him on Monday…for Valentine's Day," I blushed.

Charlie laughed quietly into his food.

"Big plans for the love-birds?" He seemed to be highly amused by this.

"I'll make dinner for the three of us. And then maybe Jacob and I will watch a DVD." I stabbed a piece of fish with my fork, not looking Charlie in the eye.

"The _three_ of us? Bella, you can't have your Dad around for your Valentine's Day dinner!" He looked abashed by the idea of my overly casual holiday plans.

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"So you're encouraging romantic behavior?"

Charlie's expression of shock changed from mocking to authentic.

"What? No! I mean, I'm just saying…I can fend for myself for one night."

I shrugged.

"Alright. Maybe I'll make dinner over at Jacob's then."

"Billy and I can head down to the lodge for a burger and a drink while you kids eat. I can drop him back off on my way home," he nodded to himself.

I smiled at him. Charlie didn't know it, but he was being more helpful than he would ever intend to be if he knew the truth. I hadn't imagined the opportunity to be alone with Jacob when the Plan was put into action. But now, I was given a free window of time where it would be just Jacob and I alone at his house.

The moment it occurred to me that Jacob and I would be alone—doing what I planned for us to do- my breath hitched and the chunk of fish fry I had been chewing caught in my throat.

I grabbed at my neck, but there was no air.

"Bella?" Charlie stared at me from across the table.

My mouth gaped open at him. No sound or breath came out of it.

Charlie was behind me in a second and whacked his hand down hard against the middle of my back.

The fish fry flew from my mouth. I leaned over the table and gasped for air.

"Jesus Bella!" Charlie exhaled, "Are you okay now?"

I nodded, holding my throat.

"Just a slight choking incident, Dad," I coughed.

Charlie poured me a glass of water and handed it to me.

"Do you think you could go a few hours without almost dying on me?" I knew he meant this as a joke, but his voice was serious.

"I'll try," I said apologetically and then gulped down the water. It slid down my throat easily.

Charlie cleared his plate, and before turning to leave the kitchen, he looked at me.

"Bells, chew your food before you swallow next time," he lectured. Then he walked back to the living room to finish his game.

I cleaned up after the meal, washing dishes, and considered the lodged fish fry. The thought of Jacob and I alone together had caused me to choke on my lunch. Not a good sign.

_It doesn't matter_, I reminded myself. _The Plan will work_.

.

* * *

.

I spent the rest of Saturday doing laundry (tossing Jessica's underwear inconspicuously into the washing machine) and cleaning the bathroom. Not very exciting. Jacob had called twice more to see if I had changed my mind. I let him down easy, reminding him about Monday.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see Jacob. But I knew that if I saw him now, knowing about my plan for Monday, I would chicken out. I couldn't afford to do that. When I saw Jacob, it had to be when there was no turning back. Him and me…alone.

My throat clenched.

I dreamt that night again. In the dream, I was wearing a long, flowing, white dress. It fluttered at my feet in the crisp breeze. I was standing at a cliff, overlooking the ocean. Jacob stood beside me; his chest bare and broad. Then his body shuddered and he collapsed onto his knees, howling to the sky. I wasn't bothered by this or worried for him. I simply turned away and watched the waves curl and crash below me.

Something cold and hard wound itself around me. I looked up, away from the waves, and saw that Jacob was gone and that a pale, white arm was twisted around my waist. Slowly, I turned my face to see who was holding me. It was Edward… and he was smiling.

I woke from the dream drenched in sweat and screaming. This time my face was buried in my pillow, muffling the sound. I pushed my face deeper into the soft down and sobbed.

Monday could not come fast enough.

.

* * *

.

The morning of Valentine's Day I woke up to a grey sky. Clouds were gathering tightly against each other, darkening with the promise of rain. It was inevitable. Rain in Forks was like sand in the dessert.

After I showered, I pulled out the freshly laundered pair of Jessica's lacy, pink underwear and slipped into them. Trying not to focus on the fact that I was actually wearing someone else's underwear, I put on my khaki skirt and covered everything pink.

Considering that it was Valentine's Day, I decided to wear my dark red blouse. Something I had deemed a little too dressy for school, but figured I could get away with it today. I unfastened the top three buttons, looked down at my chest, and then re-buttoned them embarrassedly.

_Don't push it_, I told myself.

I slipped into flats and clipped my hair back away from my face. It wasn't the best I could do, but I knew Jacob would appreciate the added effort to look nice for him.

Charlie had already left for work so I didn't have to bother with breakfast. I was walking into the kitchen, contemplating the choice between Strawberry and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts, when I noticed the flowers.

A small bouquet of white carnations was standing in a short, narrow vase on the counter. A florist card was stapled to the red ribbon around the vase, in scratched handwriting that resembled my own was written: _From Dad_.

My heart leapt into my throat. Charlie wasn't much for expressing his feelings. This display of fatherly affection sent butterflies through me. I touched the white petals lightly with my fingertips. They were soft.

I plucked one from the vase and took it with me. The idea of breakfast was forgotten.

Once in my truck, I placed the white carnation on my dashboard, nestling the stem into one of the heat vents so it wouldn't move during the drive. I stared at it, as much as driving could allow, on my way to school. The bright white of the petals looked out of place against the gritty dashboard.

Inside the school buildings, it was like cupid had exploded all over the walls. Some kind of committee had decorated the hallways with red and pink streamers and cutouts of hearts, roses and giant letters spelling out the word LOVE.

I kept my head down, trying to avoid the spew of color and commercialized holiday.

By lunchtime, rain was already beating against the windows of the cafeteria. Girls who had worn their hair in intricate up do's came running from outside with heartbroken expressions on their faces and hair dripping down their backs, completely undone.

Thunder broke loudly, quaking through campus. This wasn't just any rainy day in Forks. This was the introduction of a storm.

I paid for my lunch, a heart-shaped meatloaf, and sat down with the group at our table. Jessica was in her "perfect" outfit of black skirt and red halter-top, even though she must be freezing in something that revealed so much skin. I guessed that Mike had finally asked her to be his Valentine by the fact that she was in her outfit of choice.

"Hey guys," I said quietly, setting my tray down in front of me.

"Hi Bella," Angela smiled. Her and Ben were holding hands on the table. Her wrist glittered under the cafeteria's fluorescent lights.

"Beautiful bracelet, Ang," I complemented, pointing at her wrist.

"Thanks," she smiled towards Ben. "Ben gave it to me this morning."

Ben leaned over and kissed Angela gently on the cheek.

I looked down and stared at my meatloaf. Open display of affection seemed to be emanating from every person in school today.

_Love is everywhere_, I thought grimly to myself, _except with me._

Just then Lauren sauntered over to the table, her high heels clicking against the linoleum. She was dressed in pink from head to toe and carried in her arms a large bouquet of long stem roses. There were so many flowers that some spilled over her arms as she walked.

"Oh hi, everyone," she grinned proudly, setting down the roses at the end of the table, "Man, they're heavy!" She sighed theatrically and sat down next to Jessica.

"How many roses did you get?" Jessica asked. Her eyes were open wide, shocked by the size of Lauren's arrangement.

I remembered the school's "Rose Exchange" campaign. It was advertised for weeks. For one dollar you could send someone a rose on Valentine's Day. It appeared that quite a few people had chosen to send roses to Lauren… or maybe just one person—who by now probably had an empty wallet.

"Thirty-five," Lauren smiled.

"_Thirty-five_?" Jessica asked. She was stunned by this. She looked over at Lauren's pile of roses on the table and then to her own purse, where three roses were poking out of the bag. Her eyes tightened as she glared at Mike.

Another crack of thunder burst through the air. Ben covered his ears at the sound.

"Wow, Lauren!" Angela cheered, "That's a lot! Who are they all from?"

I glanced at Angela, who sounded sincere in her curiosity, very different than how Jessica would have asked. Angela had a single rose tucked behind her right ear. Her dark hair flowed around it.

"Tyler," Lauren grinned, making eye contact with everyone at the table.

Jessica pounced on this.

"Tyler? Really? I had no idea you two were back together!" She was bouncing in her seat with excitement.

Tyler then appeared at Lauren's side with two trays of food. One for him and one for her. She grabbed a diet coke from her tray and sipped it smartly.

"Geez, Ty, way to make the rest of us look good," Austen muttered sarcastically.

"Can't help it!" Tyler cried, throwing his arms up in the air and swooped them down around Lauren's shoulders. "Gotta show love to my girl, you know." He winked at us and kissed Lauren on her red lips.

I sunk a little lower into my chair. Were there always so many couples at our table? Did they always act so…fanatical over each other?

I rolled my eyes, grateful for the first time that I had been oblivious to their behavior for as long as I had.

Lauren must have seen me do that. She watched me with clear, unavoidable disdain.

"Date tonight?" she asked.

Lauren never made a point to talk to me directly, so I was taken aback by her question.

"Um, something like that," I said, twirling my fork around my food. My face was probably the color of my shirt.

Lauren snickered.

"You look like you work at Target," she laughed.

I looked down at my outfit. Now that I could see the ensemble together as a whole, I did look like I belonged at Target. With the deep maroon of my blouse and the khaki skirt, all I needed was a name tag.

I groaned.

_This is what I get for avoiding mirrors_, I scolded myself.

Jessica laughed along with Lauren.

"Bella, you do! Why are you wearing that?" Jessica covered her mouth with her hand and laughed into it.

"I don't know," I stammered, "a shirt, a skirt, I thought I was being dressy."

I stared down at my lap, hoping that everyone would stop staring at me, but knowing they wouldn't.

"I think Bella looks hot."

We all turned to see who had spoken. It was Mike, sitting at the end of the table with meatloaf stuffed into his mouth. Jessica's face flushed with fury.

"What?" Jessica snapped. She whipped her head around to size up my outfit again.

"She looks good," Mike grinned, clearly enjoying aggravating Jessica.

"She looks good?" Jessica repeated incredulously, "in _that_?"

"Yup," Mike nodded, "really good actually." He shrugged and then forked in another helping of meatloaf.

"Thanks Mike," I muttered and focused my attention back on my food, wishing I had decided to go with the usual jeans and a sweater.

After school was over, I contemplated going back to Charlie's to change my clothes. But when I walked into the parking lot, Jacob was already waiting for me in the Rabbit. My mood brightened at the sight of his car.

I ran to my truck. The rain had picked up, dumping buckets of water onto the windshield. The storm thundered around me. I pictured Lauren trying to walk to her car in those heels, her shoes and feet getting drenched in rainwater and mud. Then I rolled my eyes. Tyler would probably be carrying her.

My body shivered inside the cab of the truck. Rain had soaked down the back of my jacket and left my skin cold and wet. I refused to turn on the heat. The white flower was still weaved into the vent. The heat would dry it out and kill it.

Jacob and I pulled up alongside each other next to his small house in La Push. The storm was just as intense on the reservation. Stupidly, I had thought we would leave it behind us in Forks. But the sky here was just as dark, pouring rain angrily from the heavy grey clouds.

Jacob ran out of the Rabbit and over to my truck, popping open his black umbrella as he ran. I opened the front door and he was there holding out the umbrella for me.

"What am I the President? You don't have to do this," I scowled at him.

He laughed.

"I saw you trying to run for cover in the parking lot. Mud was flying everywhere. Believe me, Bells, this is better." He took my hand and the two of us fled to the house.

It was warmer inside and I slipped out of my dripping jacket and hung it on a hook on the wall.

Now that Phase Two was upon me, my nerves were shot. I tried not to pay attention to the fact that the house was empty except for us. Charlie must have already picked up Billy for dinner.

"Jake, you look…great," I breathed. He did. He was wearing a short-sleeved white polo shirt with a loosely knotted tie around his neck. It might have looked nerdy on anyone else besides Jacob, but he wore it casually and easy. His long hair was resting on his shoulders, wet from the rain.

It was impossible, but Jacob actually looked_ bigger. _He was more brawny and thicker as if he had put on several pounds of pure muscle. And incredibly taller. His head nearly reached the ceiling fan that whirled lazily above us.

"Thanks," he grinned, "You look amazing Bells. Really." He let out a long, low whistle.

"Yeah, amazingly like a Target employee," I snorted.

Jacob cocked his head to the side.

"Nope. Just amazing." He walked over to me in two long strides and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he said in a way that I couldn't tell if he was mocking me or not. Then he kissed me lightly before patting his stomach with his hand. "Now what about dinner?"

"Jake do you ever stop eating?" I laughed and poked him in the side of his ribs. He was like a bottomless pit.

"A growing boy needs sustenance," he smiled.

I made a show of looking over his massive body.

"I don't think you qualify as a _boy_ anymore. You're more like a giant now."

He threw his head back and laughed loudly. It relaxed me. It was nice to just be like this with Jacob, joking around. For the first time in days, the Plan sat quietly in the back of my mind, letting me enjoy our friendship.

I went to work on a quick lasagna for us to eat. It was my first time cooking in Billy's kitchen and I felt a little out of place. Jacob helped when he could, draining the pasta or setting the table, but mostly he just watched me from his perch on a kitchen stool.

When it was ready, I grabbed some oven mitts and pulled out the dish from the oven to present to Jacob.

He was standing by the dining table, lighting two miss-matched candles.

"Dinner by candlelight?" I teased as I set down the lasagna on the table.

Jacob rolled his eyes and blew out the lit match. He gestured to the candles. One was green, long and tapered, while the other was purple, thick and burned down to a stub.

"Only the best for us," he laughed.

We took our time eating dinner. I relayed the tedious stories about Valentine's Day fever at my school. Jacob enjoyed hearing about Jessica's reaction to Lauren's roses, but stiffened when I told him about Mike's compliment.

After dinner was over, Jacob pulled out a VHS tape of _Breakfast at Tiffany's_.

"How did you get that?" I asked, shocked that Jacob might actually own this movie.

"Rented it. I didn't feel too comfortable at the counter. But there were a bunch of couples at the store, all renting mushy, love movies so I didn't feel so bad."

"What happened," I laughed, "they didn't have the DVD available?"

Jacob turned the tape over in his hands.

"Nah, I had to get the tape. We only have a VCR player here." He nodded to the TV, where sitting under it was an old, dusty VCR. "We're a little outdated here on the res."

"Yikes," I teased, "Didn't know they made those anymore."

Jacob snorted.

"They don't. That one's from the eighties. My Dad won't let us get a DVD player until the thing finally dies. I'm considering filling it with a few nail heads just to speed up the process." He grinned sheepishly and then bent over the VCR and popped in the tape.

The movie started and Jacob came to sit by me on the couch.

"Still works," he muttered with a sly grin as Audrey Hepburn, in her signature black dress, walked into the opening scene.

I was surprised that Jacob had picked this movie for us. _Breakfast At Tiffany's_ is absolutely one of my all time favorites. Probably the only romance film I can actually sit through, let alone enjoy. I was secretly happy he didn't end up renting some Julia Roberts romantic-comedy or a sing-songy musical where everyone belted out their feelings before breaking into perfect, choreographed dance.

No, Jacob had somehow managed to pick, out of possibly hundreds of rejected VHS tapes, the one movie I adored. _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ wasn't obnoxious and blunt about the characters' relationship. Their romance was complicated and flawed. But they made it work.

I kicked off my muddy shoes and curled myself around Jake's body. His warmth beat through me as we sat in silence. Our breath slowed, rising and falling in sync.

On screen, Holly Golightly was introducing her neighbor Paul to her pet cat, which she had simply named "Cat" to avoid becoming attached to it.

The character of Holly had once impressed me. She had always seemed so chic and strong-willed. Ready to take on the world. But now, watching her, she didn't appear that way anymore. The way Holly shunned any kind of emotional attachment was clearly just a defense against allowing herself to feel anything real. She wasn't strong or independent. She was hurt. Remaining detached from the people around her made her safe.

A jolting boom of thunder startled me.

Jacob squeezed me closer.

I sighed, trying to focus on why I was here. Not to commiserate with Holly Golightly, but…in a way…to make sure I never became her. To give Jacob something better than a girlfriend void of emotion. One that could feel what he was feeling without being haunted by her past.

_The Plan_, I reminded myself.

I looked down at Jacob's hands. His long fingers were stretched around my knee. His thumb lightly caressed the inside of my leg.

The image of Jessica's condoms tucked into the back pocket of my skirt flashed in my head.

_I can't believe I'm going to do this._

Jacob was still watching the movie intently, although I could tell he was a little confused by it. His brow furrowed in the middle.

Slowly, deliberately, I put my hand to his arm and glided my palm over his bicep, and…_I can't believe I'm doing this_…squeezed it.

He looked over at me and the corners of his lips twitched upward. I stared at him, hoping that what Jessica had said would be true. That he would get the hint and just take over.

But Jacob simply tucked his hair behind one of his ears and then turned back to the movie.

_Oh no,_ I thought, _I'm going to have to try this again._

While keeping my eyes locked on his, I ran my fingers through his sleek, dark hair.

Jacob exhaled roughly but still did not turn away from the TV.

_Is he not getting the hint? What am I going to have to do?_

I gasped silently. Jessica's words repeated in my memory.

"_Believe me, when you're on top of him, he's going to know what you want, and he's definitely _not_ going to turn you down."_

With a quick inhale, I raised my body from the couch and pulled myself on top of Jacob. I wrapped my legs around the width of his body and stared at him blankly in the face.

Thunder cracked again and the room was lit with bright light for two short seconds. Lightning.

Jacob looked at me with the same intent face he had watched the movie with. He titled his head to one side and pursed his lips.

"Happy Valentine's Day," I whispered and kissed him.

Jacob had taken me by the hand, and together we had run out of the house and into the storm. Rain pelted us, soaking our bodies in seconds. Lightning flashed but we only ran harder. I could not see in the darkness. Jacob was leading me through the storm. Together we ran at full speed into his garage.

This was not how I imagined it. Not the slow, gentle experience I thought would resemble the moment in my bedroom when he had touched me under my shirt.

_This_ was racing, lustful need.

Jacob kissed me roughly. Desperately. Scooping my hair up into his large, calloused hands, he pulled me to him. His hands fisted and tangled into my wet hair as we kissed. Then he wrenched them free, ripping out my hair in knots.

He moved quickly, hurried, and tools knocked over and fell to the floor with clangs and cracks as he pushed me further into the garage. We trampled past the bikes, the sprawl of paint buckets and wrenches. His lips moved with mine greedy and furious, rushing to have me as his. As if our time would be cut short before he had had enough.

I opened my mouth and breathed him in as if his very breath would bring me back to life. I opened myself to Jacob, hoping to fill and mend every broken part of me so that I could be whole. His tongue pushed into my mouth and I closed myself around it. It was mine. I needed it.

Jacob's hands clawed at me. Everywhere. His hand held my thighs, lifting me and pulling my body to his. I felt him grow and stiffen in his pants as he leaned into my hips.

I stretched my fingers across his face and pushed him off of me. He stepped back, away from me, staring at me while he panted for air.

Our clothes clung to our bodies like dark, sodden sheathes. I peeled off the red blouse and he mirrored me with a yank at his tie and ducked his head into the shirt as he pulled it off.

Jacob pushed himself into me. My back hit against the garage wall and I was stuck between the two of them. He just kept going. Grunting into my mouth, Jacob shoved his hand up my skirt. His hand found Jessica's panties between my legs and he pressed his thumb against them, rubbing me through the thin lace.

"Jesus," I muttered, pressing my hands into his back.

He grinned.

"No. Jacob." And slipped his thumb under the lace and entered me.

I bit down on my lip. Jacob's hand thrusted and the lacey underwear ripped around him. He laughed, dark and throaty, and kissed me harder. With his thumb inside me, he grabbed my ass with the rest of his hand, cupping me to him as he pulled and pushed me against the wall.

I felt his teeth gliding along my neck. He dragged them to the base of my throat and bit down on the skin of my collarbone. I gasped. Jacob pulled back and kissed me where he had just bitten. Then he moved to my shoulder and bit into it like an apple.

"Jacob!" I screamed and fisted my hands in his hair.

He smiled against my skin and then licked the length of my shoulder.

The need bucked within me, wanting this to happen. It roared impatiently, becoming an insatiable crave to have him inside of me. To fill myself with nothing but _Jacob Black_ and be rid of everything-and everyone-else.

Jacob slipped his hand from under my skirt and slid Jessica's underwear down my legs. His pants joined the shredded pink lace on the floor as he pushed the skirt up around my waist.

And then he was inside of me.

It was fire. The pain of my first time. The _heat_ of Jacob was almost unbearable. It was like I was burning. He was _burning_ me from the inside. He held my hips against him firm and steady as he pumped himself into me. I tried to concentrate on him, on my Jacob. I curled my hands around him and forced my face to his shoulder and inhaled his familiar smell. But there was nothing to take away the pain. With every grunt and thrust his body made, the heat burned me. All I could do was close my eyes, hoping that this was it. This was the final pain that I would feel. The last part of me that held to the past, burning away.

Jacob cried out… calling my name…and his body began to shake.

My eyes flashed open. The line of his shoulder trembled violently. The edges around him started to blur. He was shaking- just shaking out of control.

"Jacob!" I screamed.

He was frantic, pounding into me, pinning me against the wall. I tried to look at him, to see his face, but there was nothing but bronze heated skin, slick with sweat, and his black mane of hair, spraying between us. His hands tucked under my knees and in one swift movement, pulled my legs up around his back. He was deeper, touching me further and harder inside.

"_Fuck_!" Jacob yelled and his fist smacked into the garage wall above my head.

His body shuddered and he threw himself off of me, falling to his knees on the floor. The outline of his body was still blurring as Jacob came.

"Jake?" I breathed.

A snarling noise rumbled from his chest. His body heaved once, his wide back arching up like a cat, and he winced painfully.

The sound of Jacob retching filled the room. His body locked as he threw up the lasagna dinner I had made. Again, his body heaved.

Then I felt it. Revulsion. Crawling inside of me. Jacob continued vomiting and I cringed at the sound.

_He's doing what I feel._

"Bella," Jacob's voice croaked when he was done. He had curled into himself and was breathing heavily on the floor.

I turned away from him and scooped up my top and the ripped underwear. The rain outside drummed against the roof of the garage. Outside, it was still a storm.

The sickness would not leave. It filled me with thick disgust. I wanted to purge myself of it—just like Jacob. But I knew it wouldn't be that easy. Not for me.

I leaned against the wall and buried my face into my clothes, trying to hold myself together. It was over, but not the way I had wanted. The pain, the empty void inside of me, was all still here. It was my hope that was over. The Plan had failed me. Jacob had failed me. I stood in the small garage naked... and still broken. It made me _sick_.

After a long moment, I pulled the blouse from my face and dressed myself quickly, wanting to be away from him, away from here, away from what we had done. As I pulled down the sides of my skirt, the condoms slipped from my pocket and fell to the floor.

I stared at them blankly. We didn't even use a condom. I bent over, picking them up and tucked them back into my pocket. Wishing that I had never gone to Jessica's that day, never created this awful Plan.

I could never take it back.

Jacob was dressing slowly, carefully, in the corner. His hair hung limply at the sides of his face and I was glad for that. I didn't want to look at him.

I rested my forehead against the garage door and waited for Jacob to collect himself.

"Take it back," I whispered to myself, willing it to be true, "take it back."

"Bells, I'm sorry I hurled," Jake said in a dry voice, "I just, I felt… sick at the end. Something didn't… feel right in me," he sounded confused.

_This definitely did not feel right._

He put his hand around mine and led me back outside into the rain. I let him, but I did not want to touch him. The sickness in me was still there and my stomach lurched at his touch. We walked now to his house, letting the rain pour over us. The lights were on in the tiny house. Billy was home. I had no idea how much time had passed or how long it had taken us.

When we came to pass by my truck I stopped short and walked over to it. Jacob followed.

"I'm going home," I said quietly.

"Alright," Jacob breathed. He put his hand to his stomach and rubbed it idly. "I'm really sorry about getting sick. It wasn't about…what we did."

I nodded once and then stepped into my truck.

The white carnation sat perfectly unharmed on my dashboard. Outside the rain came down in buckets, the thunder howled and lightning threatened in bright sparks, but this small, fragile flower was undisturbed. Still perfect and pure.

My body shivered. I smacked the button for the heat angrily and watched the petals shake as hot air blew from the vent. I didn't look at it for the rest of the ride home.

Charlie's lights were still on when I pulled up in the driveway. I shook my head. I had been hoping to avoid him entirely tonight.

When I entered the house I heard the TV on and the sound of Charlie's snoring coming from the living room.

_At least he's sleeping_, I thought to myself, relieved. I wouldn't have to face Charlie tonight. He wouldn't have to see me like this.

I passed by the kitchen; the vase of white carnations still sat proudly on the counter. It stared at me smugly, knowingly.

Without another thought, I lunged at the vase and smashed it to the floor.

Charlie's snoring came to an abrupt stop and I heard him start to get up.

I glowered down at the flowers. White and innocent.

_Not anymore_.

I ran past Charlie as I sprinted up the stairs.

I collapsed onto my bed and pressed my face into the pillow. The storm outside still thundered, unyielding. Even with the crashing of rain and the sound of my cries, I could hear the faint swish from downstairs of a broom sweeping up glass.

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A/N: I realize Forks is a small town that may not have a Target. However Bella does live near major cities in Seattle, so I'm sure one of those features a Target store.

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	7. Chapter 7: Leave

Stephanie Meyer is the owner of all things TWILIGHT.

this one is the longest chapter yet...there's a lot going on and I considered splitting it in half...but where's the fun in that? Besides, I think you can handle it! Enjoy!

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**Chapter Seven**

Leave

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That was the first night I dreamed of the grass.

Long, lush, green grass stretched around me. The color green was everywhere. And the smell! The scent of the crisp grass felt strong enough to be almost tangible. There was nothing else I could see or hear. Just the grass. Full, soft, and endless.

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* * *

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The morning came. The moment my eyes opened I felt the numbness return. It spread over me like a thick wool blanket. I welcomed it without a fight. Being numb was familiar and easy. It was not thinking or feeling or remembering. It was where this had all started—and I had returned to it.

Yesterday's storm had passed but the sky remained grey. Light rain misted the air and I walked through it unfazed towards my truck. My feet fumbled over something—probably each other—and I fell onto the pavement of Charlie's driveway.

_That should have hurt_, I noted to myself. Should have, but didn't.

The day passed by me. Everyone was still giddy over the excitement of their Valentine's festivities last night. At one point Jessica was describing in detail her night with Mike. She pulled on the sleeve of my hoodie and asked in a whisper about what had happened with Jacob.

She was met with a blank stare.

"Bella?" Jessica had asked.

I reached into my back pocket and folded the condoms into the palm of her hand.

She looked up at me and started rambling off questions in a high pitched voice.

I pulled the hood over my head, blocking her voice and her eyes from mine. She eventually stopped and with a frustrated huff walked away from me.

At the end of the day, Jacob was waiting for me in the parking lot. His Rabbit was parked in the slot next to my truck. I stopped walking and stared at his car, surprised that he was here. I had forgotten that he would come after school. It was like he had stopped existing.

And here he was, waving and grinning at me as I walked by. The sight of his face, joyous and buoyant, stirred something inside of me. The numb-blanket shifted. I strode past his car without looking at him and climbed into my truck. The Rabbit was in my rearview mirror the entire ride home.

When I parked in Charlie's driveway, Jacob was already getting out of his car to meet me. I hopped out of the truck and walked quickly to the house without bothering to turn around.

"Hey, wait up," Jacob called, walking faster.

Hearing his voice, the numbness drifted off of me. The blanket dissipated at the very sight and sound of Jacob. He pushed through the void- demanding to be acknowledged. I couldn't return to the emptiness. Not when Jacob was here—forcing me to feel. Everything from last night boiled and brimmed inside of me, needing to come out. I whirled around to face him.

He stood in front of me, smiling and breathing and it made my stomach twist.

"What is the point of this?" I threw my hand out pointing to his car, "Following me everyday like I need protection! I want this escort service to stop."

He looked shocked, his eyes were wide and his mouth was open, stammering to form a word.

"The…bears, Bella. There's more of them…"

"Oh please!" I spit the words at him, "Don't give me that! This isn't about the stupid bears. You just want to follow me around like a damn _dog_."

His eyes twitched.

"Bells…don't you want to see me?" he asked softly.

"No, right now I actually do not want to see you, Jacob."

He lowered his voice. "Is this about last night?"

I rubbed my hands over my face.

"Last night," I moaned and the revulsion lurched inside of me. My hands went to my stomach, clinging to it. I could almost feel the bitterness bubbling inside of me.

"I'm sorry I got sick. I really am. I don't know what happened." The words poured out of his mouth in a rush. "I felt like I was going to explode, like my insides were going to burst from my skin…I can't…describe it."

My eyes hardened and I spoke flatly to him.

"You threw up because it was wrong. What we did…" I stopped and swallowed hard, "was wrong and we can't take it back."

"Don't say that," he whispered.

He was hurt and that pleased me. That I was able to take away his happiness from before, to ruin whatever memory he had of last night. To make him more like me.

"I'm glad we can't take it back," Jacob said softly, "It was… perfect…"

He reached out a hand to me, opening his fingers to take my hand in his.

"I am in love with you," he said. His eyes were soft and confident. He expected me to say it back.

It was infuriating. My fists clenched at my sides.

"Don't say that," I breathed, "Don't lie. This is not love." My voice rose. "This is a mistake." I backed away, cringing at the memory of us against the garage wall. That wasn't love. It was disgusting, selfish need. "I wish I never let you do that to me_._"

"What?" he asked, his voice incredulous and then angry, "Don't play that with me. Last night you wanted it too. Shit—you started it! I knew what you were doing on the couch…and I tried to ignore it…to wait. But I _wanted_ you. And you wanted it to happen. You made _sure_ that it did. And it felt fucking amazing. So don't try to back out of this now because you're scared. This is the way things are supposed to be."

"This is _not_ how it is supposed to be! Why can't you get that?" I shouted, "Don't you _feel_ it? When I think about last night I want to puke it all out. Just like you!"

"You really think I threw up last night because being with you makes me sick?" He almost laughed as the words came out in a condescending scoff. "Listen to me Bella, something was wrong with my body last night. I don't know what happened to me—I sure as hell thought I was going to do a lot worse than puke. But that doesn't mean for one fucking second that I regret making last night our first time."

I shook my head at him. He didn't get it. He was too stupid and stubborn to see us for what we were…wrong.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this at all," I gritted my teeth and the words slipped between them in a snarling hiss, "It wasn't supposed to be with _you._"

Jacob stepped back, taking the blow.

"This is about _him_," he said harshly, "Isn't it?" The words were acidic, and saying them, Jacob could not look me in the eye.

He was a coward, just like me. Jacob wouldn't speak the name that hung in the air. The name that was always there, but never spoken.

"Say it. Say his name, out loud."

His eyes twitched to mine, looking back at me like I had just dared him.

"Edward."

And then there was the pain. Proof that the numbness was gone. It writhed inside of me... coiling and twisting with my longing ache for Edward. I had been foolish to think that I could change by giving my virginity to _Jacob Black_. I wasn't his to take. I was marked by someone else.

I fell to my knees on the grass.

Jacob did not move.

"See what he does to you?" he yelled, "How can you still love him? How can you…" His voice caught. He shut his eyes bitterly and his face twisted in conflict. "How can you want _him_ and not me?"

I wrapped my arms around my waist. My insides felt like they were coming undone.

"I belong to him," I gasped, "I tried to change that, but I can't!"

"Belong to him? Bella- he left you! He doesn't want you anymore!"

"I know that!"

"So then what? You can't be with anyone else for the rest of your life?" Jacob barked, "Is that it?"

I turned away from him.

"Go away," I muttered.

"No. You're so wrong about everything, Bella."

I reeled around to face him, bearing my teeth in a growl.

"_Leave me_."

"I hate him," he said in a low rumble. "I hate him for hurting you, for turning you into this," he gestured with his hand to my crouched position on the ground, "and I hate him for making you think you don't love me."

How could Jacob think that? How could he ever believe that I could love him, love anyone? I was too broken now, too full of hate. I hated myself, my actions, and Jacob. Jake had taken from me what belonged to someone else. And I _hated_ him for it.

I jumped to my feet, screaming.

"I don't love you! Get that! I will never love you!"

Jacob's eyes shot open in fury.

I shoved him, harder than before.

"I don't love you!" I repeated in an ear splitting screech.

Another shove to his chest, I was pushing him backward- away from me. He was backing down, becoming smaller. I inhaled deeply and stared into Jacob, letting the hate pour out of me. He needed to hear it. Needed to feel the hurt like I did.

"You will never be what he is to me," I breathed.

Jacob's fists went to his head, pressing against himself, and his body shuddered.

"No-" he moaned, clenching his jaw. I heard the sound of his teeth grinding.

He looked up at me with reddened eyes as he shook with trembling anger. He winced with such force that bottom lip split and red blood spread through his mouth. He looked as if he were in agony.

Jacob stepped backward, away from me, and ran. He sprinted faster than I've ever seen him run; his body was only a blur as he hurled himself into his car. The Rabbit fishtailed as he gunned it down the street.

Jake was gone. He finally listened to me.

The rain fell around me, coming down harder after Jacob left. I fumed and pounded my way into the house. I had no jacket. No shield from the rain. My coat still hung in Jacob's house in La Push. He had left me utterly exposed.

The linen closet was in the hallway, waiting for me to pillage through it for a coat. I had only invested in the one jacket since moving here, denying that I would ever need more than that. After all there was no spring or summer here. Just rain, constant and everlasting rain.

I dug franticly through stacks of clean sheets and towels, through old blankets and throws. Finally, at the bottom of the closet lay an old, navy blue bomber jacket. It was Charlie's. From the look of it, it had once served it's time as part of his police uniform. The fabric had faded everywhere except for two oval shapes on the arms. Exactly where the Forks Police Department patches would have been. I lifted the coat to my face and it smelled of musk and Charlie's Head n' Shoulders shampoo. I held it against my lips and breathed in the smell.

Putting it on, I shrugged myself into the sleeves. Of course, it was too large for me. But it would do. Miraculously, it had a hood. So it was perfect.

I left the jacket on and walked into the living room to attempt to watch TV. I needed something to drown out my thoughts. I knew it wouldn't work, but I needed to try.

Charlie came home and found me sitting on the couch. The TV was on but I wasn't watching it. He came to sit on the sofa, sighing as he shifted into the cushion beside to me.

"You're wearing my jacket?" he asked, surprised.

I looked down at my hands, the jacket sleeves hung over them. Only my fingertips poked through.

"Yea," I answered, "It's all I have. The other one is gone."

Charlie nodded, looking me over in his old police coat.

"It doesn't fit very well."

"I'll get used to it," I muttered.

He sighed and then looked away from me. His eyes found the kitchen.

"I'm sorry about the flowers, Bells."

I groaned. The flowers. I had almost forgotten that I had destroyed Charlie's gift. And he was apologizing for it. It was an apology I didn't deserve and it tugged at my guilt.

"Don't be. I'm the one who killed them," I said mournfully.

Charlie coughed, clearing his throat.

"It wasn't because you gave them to me," I continued. "It was just…looking at them made me sad… about myself."

Charlie frowned. "Why?"

I shrugged. My shoulder sent a surge of fresh pain through my body but I barely noticed it. It was nothing compared to the last twenty-four hours.

I remained silent beside Charlie. I had no answer I could truthfully give him, so I offered him none.

He nodded, accepting that, but looked me over with his concerned eyes. How confident I had once been that I would never see that expression on Charlie's face again. That I would be able to turn things around and fix it all with my ridiculous Plan. The guilt tugged again.

"How are you doing, Bells?" Charlie finally asked, "Everything okay?"

I realized I was cradling my left wrist in my hand. I had removed the brace yesterday before school, thinking the healing would be as good as done. My wrist was now swollen, agitated from pushing Jacob. It throbbed in my hand.

"My wrist hurts," I sighed pathetically. Out of all the reasons and explanations that swam in my head, this was the only one I could give to Charlie.

He stood and walked quickly into the kitchen. I heard the freezer door open and him collect ice cubes from the tray. He came back with a towel wrapped around a chunk of ice.

"It's swollen again. Put this on it," Charlie said as he handed me the towel. "What did you do? Attempt a hand-stand?" He smiled, trying to lighten the air.

"No," I said, sliding the jacket sleeve up to my elbow and pressed the ice-towel to my wrist. "I guess I just wasn't ready to remove the brace." I grimaced at my words. "Wasn't ready to heal."

I sank lower into the couch trying to get out of Charlie's line of sight. Tears were brimming at my eyes. I didn't want to cause more hurt and worry for him by doing something stupid, like crying.

"Where were you and Jacob last night?" he asked, clearly not noticing my face.

"What?" My voice broke a little, but his question had at least taken my mind off of crying.

"When I dropped Billy off, the house was empty. The lights were out, too. Looked like the house had lost power for a bit, so I helped Billy with the fuse box. Your truck was there…and so was Jake's car. But you were both gone. You didn't go out into the storm did you?" Charlie still wasn't looking at me. Perhaps he had noticed the tears.

"We…we did go out. We walked a bit and then went to his garage. He…wanted to work on something." It sounded like a terrible excuse. And that's exactly what it was.

"Hmm," Charlie mumbled. "As long as you weren't out in the woods. I don't like all these bear stories I've been hearing."

"I'm so tired of hearing about these damn bears!" I snapped.

Charlie raised his eyebrows to me. My face felt red, but at least I wasn't crying.

"Let's order a pizza tonight," he said quietly.

I nodded and then I turned back to the TV, pretending to watch it. Charlie walked to the phone and I heard him dial.

The pizza came and we ate it in silence. When we were done, I excused myself to my bedroom. The rest of the night I spent with the lights off, curled onto my bed, holding my wrist. I tried not to think of one thing only. Of Edward.

I drifted in and out of sleep until finally the dream of the grass came. The grass seemed to keep growing in my dream, stretching farther.

Green grass appeared in my dreams for the next fifteen days.

.

* * *

.

It was the beginning of March when the door knocked as Charlie and I finished up eating dinner. Instinctively, I turned to face the front door and listened to the knock repeat. Charlie was focused on his meal, not budging a muscle in his seat.

I went to the door and opened it. Angela Weber stood there with an apologetic smile.

"Hi Bella," she said in her soft voice.

She was standing with her hands tightly clasped in front of her, shifting from one foot to the next. She looked anxious.

"Come in," I said, taken by surprise, and then stepped to the side to allow her in the house.

Charlie still hadn't moved or made a sound.

As we entered the kitchen, Charlie abruptly got up from his seat and without looking at me or Angela, walked his plate over to the sink and dumped it in.

"Dad…" I started, eyeing him skeptically, "Angela Weber is here."

Charlie's shoulders hunched and he turned smiling at us.

"Hello Angela, it's nice to see you," he boomed loudly.

"Thanks," Angela said in a hushed voice, refusing to meet both Charlie's and my eyes.

"Why don't you girls go on upstairs and talk!" Charlie beamed at us. He was overdoing it. The performance was way too theatrical for me to believe that this was natural behavior.

I shot him a questioning glare and then countered.

"Actually, Angela…let's go for a walk," I said, still staring at Charlie, gauging his reaction. What was he up to?

"Not in the woods, Bells," Charlie said sternly. I shook my head at him and motioned for Angela to follow me back to the front door. I grabbed the bomber jacket as she and I headed down the front steps.

"How, er, are you, Bella?" Angela asked as soon as we stepped outside.

I zipped up the front of the jacket and watched the expression on her face. She looked guilty.

"How are _you_?" I retorted, "You look like you just robbed a bank."

Her cheeks flushed red… and for a split moment, I was glad to see Angela here. She reminded me of myself. Well, of who I used to be.

"Um," she stammered.

"What? Did Charlie bribe you or something to come over here?" I asked, trying to sound like I was teasing, but my voice instead came out in a vicious snap.

"Oh no! Bella please don't think that! I don't mind coming out here! I really don't. I'm worried about you too. You're just so…distant at school that I'm afraid to... I don't want to invade your business. Then your dad called and said you weren't doing well. He just asked if I could come by and maybe talk things over with you—"

"Angela, calm down," I gave out a frustrated sigh, "I didn't really think Charlie had invited you over here. But I guess that explains his behavior in there." I lifted one side of my mouth weakly to reassure her. But it had the opposite effect. The frightened look on Angela's face proved that she didn't realize that I was trying to smile. I let my mouth fall. I was scaring her.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly and looked down at her feet, "I should have come here on my own. That's what…a real friend would have done. Not have to be asked over by your dad."

Her apology nipped at me, irritating the guilt that I had tried to bury for the last fifteen days. I snapped back at her.

"Don't apologize to me! I can't listen to another apology I don't deserve."

She cringed away from me and I instantly regretted the harsh tone of my voice. But I couldn't seem to help it. I had no control of my emotions anymore. Once I had opened the door to feeling them, they just took over. Everything I said or felt was unbridled.

I looked away from her as we walked down Charlie's driveway. A light mist of rain was starting. I pulled up the hood on my jacket.

Angela was quiet. Her hands twisted around each other.

"What?" I asked, breaking the silence. My voice still sounded bitter.

"You're…doing it. Acting the way you do at school." Her words were very, very soft. She was afraid of me.

I closed my eyes and breathed, trying very hard to make my voice calm.

"What way is that?"

Angela stopped walking and turned her head to Charlie's house. Probably trying to gauge the distance and how fast she could run to safety in case I suddenly decided to spring at her.

"Mean," she said. "Angry. Irritated. And then the next day you'll be isolated and quiet. I see you sometimes crying into your locker." She paused, still watching Charlie's house, "You're emotions are so extreme. Your dad notices it too. That's why he called me. He wanted me to come by and… talk to you about…"

She turned back to me. Her face was not scared, or angry. It was sympathetic. Angela was quiet and shy like me. She respected that I had secrets and boundaries and felt guilty for being here and invading my privacy. If it weren't for Charlie's request, she would never prod me for personal information like this.

"About Jacob?" I asked quietly, easing up on her.

She nodded.

"He doesn't come by after school anymore," she whispered.

I grimaced. Angela was observant by nature, but I knew that she didn't have to be exceptionally perceptive to notice that Jacob had stopped coming to the school. It must be obvious to everyone.

Without saying a word, we both continued walking down the driveway. Angela lifted the hood of her own coat on her head. When we reached the end, we turned to walk down Charlie's street.

"We…broke up, I guess," I said flatly. That seemed to be the best way to put it. I hadn't heard from Jacob in over two weeks. I had also made no attempts to contact him.

"You don't have to talk about it," Angela said.

"I know. Thanks for that."

She smiled weakly.

"Is it that bad?" I asked, "The way I am? I know I've been erratic."

"It's not as bad as the first," Angela replied.

_The first_. The first…break up, she meant. I shuddered. The word _break-up_ wasn't enough. It could never possibly encompass everything I once had… and what was lost.

"No," I agreed.

"Bella," Angela said from behind her hood, "You're not alone. Me, your dad, we care. We want to help."

"I am alone," I corrected her. "But that's okay. That's all I deserve."

Angela turned to me, her dark brown eyes were sad. I knew she wanted to argue, to show me that she could help. But she couldn't. I was beyond that.

I faced away from Angela and continued to walk quietly beside her. She seemed to notice that the conversation was over, although she didn't appear bitter about it. She just walked next to me.

"No hard feelings, Bella?" Angela asked after a while.

"No," I answered, looking at her. "Of course not." Then I scoffed and added, "At least not against you. Charlie, on the other hand… I can't believe he asked you to do this."

"Don't be _too_ angry with him. He's trying," she offered.

I rolled my eyes at her.

"I guess. I'm glad he called you though. Anyone else would have been too humiliating to endure."

"Um," Angela murmured cautiously.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't be mad at him!" she urged, her cheeks now growing red.

I eyed her and waited.

"He didn't call me first," she said nervously. "He called Jessica. But she refused to come." She lowered her head, probably feeling pity that I had been rejected by Jessica Stanley.

"Doesn't surprise me," I said dryly, thinking of how I had brushed Jessica off after Valentine's Day. She didn't seem too happy about that. And now that I think of it, she hadn't attempted conversation with me since.

"Well," Angela continued, "he didn't stop there. He called…" She hesitated.

Her evasion was maddening.

"Angela just spit it out!"

She turned her head and glanced back at the house. It was covered in the thick fog.

"_Who_?" I asked again. This time it sounded like a plea, not an order.

"He called Mike Newton!" she blurted and covered her hand over her mouth. Her eyes popped widely in anticipation…waiting to see how I would take the news.

"No!" I shouted in horror. Then, in spite of everything, I doubled over in hysteric laughter. It was too much... the look on Angela's face, remembering Charlie's hushed phone conversations from the past few days, and finally, picturing Mike Newton's aloof grin.

Angela laughed in relief and put her arm to my shoulder. I leaned into her, still laughing. Together we stood on the side of the road, cackling as we held onto each other for support.

"He didn't!" I gasped, catching my breath.

She nodded, still smiling.

"Your dad called the house, but Mike was at work. His Mom suggested calling me and promised to give Mike the message when he came home."

I groaned loudly.

"Charlie! No! Oh, I can't believe he would stoop as low as Mike! What was he thinking?" I shook my head, amused yet utterly repulsed by the fact Charlie would think to call _Mike Newton_ in my hour of need.

"It's nice to see you laugh," Angela said, grinning. "Too bad it's at poor Mike's expense."

We were interrupted by a roar of an engine, breaking through the rain. The fog on the street was thick and low to the ground. I could only make out the color black as the vehicle peeled down the street at us.

I grabbed Angela's hand and pulled us to the side of the road as the black came closer. I was able to discern the shape of a motorcycle. A shining black motorcycle was breaking through the mist, parting the rain around it.

The bike flew past us, and I could make out long, russet arms and a tail of black hair that belonged to the driver.

"Jacob?" I whispered.

_It couldn't be._

The bike slowed, stopped right at Charlie's house, and the rider dismounted.

I broke out into a run. Angela hurried behind me.

What was Jacob doing here? Why would he come to see me after everything I had said?

_Could I even handle seeing him again?_

I ran up to the house and saw that the rider couldn't have been Jacob. He was too short. Although he was still big and husky looking, he didn't tower as Jacob did. I recognized Quil at once.

"Quil!" I shouted as I closed in on the driveway.

Quil spun around at the sound of his name and looked surprised to see me and Angela running full speed at him in the rain.

"Bella?" he asked, ducking his head to see under the hood of my jacket.

"Yes!" I called, and then came to a stop in front of him, panting from the impromptu burst of energy.

"That was you out in the street?" he asked, sounding surprised. He must have seen our laughing.

"Yes," I repeated. "Quil, what are you doing here?"

I heard Angela come to a stop behind us and catch her breath.

Quil titled his head and looked behind me.

"Hey," he said casually to Angela.

"Hi," I heard her breathe.

"Quil?" I asked, waiting for his explanation.

"I came to see you. To talk about Jake." His voice was stern and demanding.

"How did you know where I live?" I asked.

He snorted.

"Not too hard to look up the address of the town's Police Chief. Your dad's listed in the phone book."

"Oh," I said, feeling stupid.

"So, can we talk?" Quil asked bluntly.

Angela shuffled her feet from behind me.

"Bella?" she asked.

I turned around to face her.

"Ang, is it okay with you if I talk with Quil alone?"

"Sure," Angela said, "Ben is waiting for me to come back anyway. I'll see you in school tomorrow." She leaned over to me and hugged my shoulders lightly and then waved to me and Quil as she went back to her Toyota.

"Who's Ben?" Quil asked once Angela was gone.

I looked back at him.

"Her boyfriend," I said, eyeing him.

"Oh." I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

He nodded his head for me to follow him and then started walking away from the house. I trailed behind him as he walked towards the neighboring woods. We were both quiet as we entered them.

We walked together, stomping over wet dirt and grass, dodging low branches of trees. I wondered why Quil was leading me into the forest to talk about Jacob. I also realized I was doing exactly what Charlie had just asked me not to.

I bit my lip anxiously. Why was Quil here? Did something happen? What other mess could I have caused?

Quil stopped walking and faced me. In the mist, his hair was curling along the ends in thick, black tendrils. I waited for him to speak. We were sheltered from the falling rain under the cover of trees, so I pulled back my hood. Quil still said nothing.

He was scowling at me with his eyebrows pulled together in a tight knot on his forehead. I didn't want to speak first, but it was clear that Quil wasn't going to either.

"Why are you riding Jacob's bike?" I asked, giving in. The question had been burning to be answered as soon as I had recognized that it wasn't Jake who pulled into Charlie's driveway.

"It's mine now."

I tilted my head, confused. "Since when?"

"Since you were stupid enough to fall off of it. Jake called me from your dad's phone and told me to pick it up near the high school in your town. He had left it there. Said he wasn't going to ride it anymore." Quil snapped defensively. He pushed out his chest at the end, as if daring me to test him.

"What is your problem?"

"My problem?" Quil mocked, pointing a finger to his chest. "My problem is that you seriously fucked with Jake's head. And now he's run off and joined Sam's stupid gang."

"What?" I took a step back and my foot caught on a rock. I fell backward into the damp bed of wet moss. Quil laughed at this with such throaty enthusiasm I was reminded of Jacob.

"Shut up Quil!" I snapped, getting up and rubbing at my back. This was going to leave a bruise.

Quil watched me situate myself against a small tree. He pulled his lips into a tight pout and continued to glare at me.

"Can you stop with the faces and the accusatory tone and just explain what the hell you're talking about?"

Quil looked surprised by my irritation; he chuckled once to himself and spoke. His voice was thick with dark sarcasm.

"This is a new side of you Bella. You used to be so meek. What, does fucking up someone's life give you a new boost of confidence? Is this how you get your kicks? I come here and see you fucking laughing it up in the middle of the street. Nice to see how much Jake meant to you."

"Is this what you came here to do? Yell at me and taunt me with information on Jacob? Either say what's going on or I'm out of here!" I was shouting at him, but I didn't care. We were far enough into the woods that if Charlie could even hear us, it would be nothing more than muffled whispers.

Quil's hands balled into fists and he shook them violently at his sides.

"He's one of them now. He's a fucking Protector and it's your fault!" Quil's voice rose, getting louder and angrier.

"Jacob is a Protector?" I repeated. I blinked at Quil. The idea that Jacob would join Sam's gang didn't make sense. He had been so against them.

"Yes!" Quil shouted. "He came home after seeing _you_," he spit out the word, "I was waiting for him. Jake saw me and told me to fuck off. He didn't look right. He looked sick or something. So I left. _I didn't know what else to do!_"

Quil took a small step toward me.

"After that, I tried calling the house and you know what Billy said? That you and Jacob broke up and that Jake needed some time. Then he wasn't in school and when I tried to visit, or even to go to the garage for tools, Sam and the others were there and made me leave. Now, he's with them. I don't know what you did, but you fucked with his head!" Quil was screaming, his body shaking.

He took another step towards me. As he moved closer, I reached behind me for the tree and inched myself around it, putting it between the two of us. Suddenly, I did not want to be alone in the woods with him. I was afraid. I had never seen Quil like this. He was always so relaxed and cheerful. This was a different Quil. One who was raging and bitter. His shoulders hunched and his head titled to face me. He was gigantic and strong. And at this moment, he was directing every emotion at only me. The thin and narrow tree between us was a pathetic attempt for a shield. It was not enough to stop him.

Quil's lip pulled back in a sneer as he walked to me. His fisted hands rose in front of him, shaking.

My mind flickered. Run, scream, defend yourself. _Do something._ But I couldn't. If Quil was anything like Jacob, he was fast. His long, muscled legs would quickly overpower mine. I was too weak for Quil's strength. He could snap this tree in half as easily as he could my neck. I was on my own. Left to face the monster in the woods. I should have listened to Charlie and never entered the forest.

I swallowed hard. _Charlie_. What would he do if I didn't come home? Would he think to search the woods for me? What would he find when he got here?

"Quil," I breathed, shaking my head. I clutched the tree in both arms.

He threw out his russet arm and grabbed me by the wrist. I clawed at the tree, trying to hold myself to it. Quil yanked and my fingernails ripped against the bark as he pulled me to him.

Quil's body shook as he held me out in front of him, each strong hand gripped tightly around my arms.

"First Embry and now Jacob!" Quil's voice roared. "They're both gone. I don't _exist_ to them. Do you realize what you did? You really _fucked_ shit up for me!"

From deeper in the woods, came a loud grunting noise that was matched with the rustling of wet leaves. The sound sent a shiver down my spine. I recognized it at once. The thud of padded paws running through the forest was the same as it had been in my dream months ago. It was the sound of the beast chasing through the woods. I stiffened in Quil's arms.

Quil heard the noise. It was coming faster and louder. I squirmed but Quil would not release me. He had turned to the direction of the noise and fixed his eyes on a clearing in the trees. His body stilled as we stood and listened to the animal.

The thing emerged from behind Quil. Its great, black body loomed above the ferns and the hanging tree branches. It had slowed when it saw us and bowed its large head to the ground and stalked toward us.

Quil's hands let go of me at once and I fell to the ground. Quil was frozen above me.

"Quil," I whispered. "We have to run."

The thing sauntered forward. Its coal black fur was matted and wet from the rain. It clung to the animal's every muscle. I had never seen a beast so huge in my life.

Large circles of grey eyes locked onto Quil. The animal snorted loudly, sending wet leaves billowing out from the gust of hot air. It was catching our scent.

"Please," I begged, "_Run_."

Quil did not turn from the animal, but spoke to me in a quiet, paced voice.

"If we run, it will chase and kill us." His voice fell to a whisper and it seemed it was speaking no longer to me, but to himself. "Never in my life have I seen so big…" His voice quivered as he spoke the last word: "_Kadi-do_."

I scrambled to my feet and grabbed Quil's hand, tugging for him to move.

The animal peeled its muzzle back and snarled. Its eyes would not move from Quil. Its focus was on him alone.

Then we were running. Quil's hand was wrapped tightly around mine as we weaved our way between the trees. My feet beat against the ground and I prayed that I wouldn't trip. I tried not to listen for the animal, knowing that it was surely following us, and that any moment it would pounce and kill. But I could not hear it. The only sound was of our feet running through the woods.

As we came closer to the edge, I heard Charlie's panicked voice calling out for me. How long had his calls gone unheard?

If that animal had torn us to pieces, would Charlie have been able to hear our screams? I winced at another thought. If the animal had not come in time to stop Quil, would anyone have heard _my_ _screams_?

We broke through the last of the trees and ran breathless into Charlie's front lawn. Charlie stood in the yard, watching us run wildly. I dropped Quil's hand from mine at the sight of Charlie and ran harder to reach him.

"Dad!" I screamed, bolting for him. He was too close to the woods. If the animal came for us, it would surely kill Charlie as well.

"Bella!" Charlie yelled. "What's going on?"

I ran to him and threw myself into his arms. I felt myself tremble against Charlie's chest. He held me to him tighter.

"Bells, what happened?" Charlie spoke with tense worry.

"The…the bear, Dad. Please, get in the house! It—it was _enormous_!"

I listened, my face pressed into Charlie's flannel shirt, waiting for the thing to emerge.

"The _what_?" Charlie asked.

"The bear! But it wasn't a bear….it was a…"

"_Kadi-do_," Quil answered.

Charlie and I stared at Quil. He was still breathing heavy, but stood a distance from us on the lawn. He was closer to the end of the driveway where his bike was parked.

Charlie's voice tightened. "Who are you? What's your story?"

"Quil Atera from the reservation. I am a friend of Jacob and I came to see Bella. I'm sorry sir, I took her into the woods."

"You what?" Charlie yelled, dropping his arms from me and taking strides towards Quil. "You took my daughter into the woods? For what purpose?"

"Wait," I shouted, trying to stop Charlie. I needed to know what Quil had said. The word he had spoken chilled my spine. "What is that word, Quil? What _was that_ _thing_?"

Quil took Charlie's hesitation to back himself closer to his motorcycle. His eyes twitched from Charlie to the woods, watching each one to see which might be the first to attack.

"_Kadi-do_. It is Quileute for dog… or wolf. Though I have never seen… it was too big to be…" Quil shook his head, "and it did not follow us."

The three of us turned back to the woods. It was dark now. The sun had set without my notice. The blackened woods were quiet and did not stir.

"Listen to me, boy, you don't take my kid into the woods! Ever!" Charlie barked.

Quil nodded as he continued to move towards the bike. Then he looked at me, sadness in his eyes. "I'm so sorry Bella. For… everything. I didn't… I couldn't get control… I…"

"Get off my property!" Charlie shouted and Quil hastily agreed, jumping onto the bike and revving the engine. He peeled out into the street and was gone.

Charlie whirled around to me.

"I specifically said not to go into the woods!"

I cringed back and tucked into myself. Curling into the lawn, I pulled my knees to my chest.

"I'm sorry," I breathed.

That was it. Walls within me cracked and out poured my remorse. What I had needed to say for so long finally came. I was sorry. Terribly sorry for all the wrongs I had been a part of. The past few months I had pushed back every apology, swallowing it down with the pain. Sorry. I was so sorry for everything. And once I said it, I couldn't stop.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Bella. Don't. It's okay... just don't..." Charlie stammered.

He groaned, giving up trying to speak. Instead he walked to me and placed his hand on my back and rubbed it gently.

"_I'm sorry_," I sobbed into my knees. I was wrong, I was stupid. Forgive me. I am sorry Charlie, I am sorry Jacob, I am sorry Edward.

Charlie crouched beside me and I cried into myself. He let me sob until there was no more than broken breaths from my lips. Then Charlie bent over me and scooped me up in his arms.

"_Bella_?"

Charlie turned us to the sound of my name.

Mike Newton stood in the driveway holding a bouquet of purple irises. Neither of us had heard him approach.

"Is she okay?" he said to Charlie.

Charlie grimaced at the sight of Mike, no doubt remembering that he had called earlier and asked Mike to come over and help. Now here I was, crumpled in Charlie's arms in the middle of the night.

_Perfect timing for Mike Newton._

"Come inside Mike," Charlie said abruptly and swung us around to enter the house. He called back over his shoulder. "And leave those in your car. Bella doesn't like flowers."

He set me down once we were inside. Since I had somewhat composed myself, I guessed Charlie thought I was mentally prepared enough for company.

Mike stepped behind me with a weak smile. The three of us, Charlie, Mike and I stood together in the entryway, all too embarrassed to speak first.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Mike finally asked.

I opened my mouth to answer but Charlie beat me to it.

"She fell" was all he said.

We had no idea how long Mike had been standing in the driveway. Had he seen me sobbing and crying out "I'm sorry" into the darkness? Did it even matter? Mike came to help just like Angela had done. It wouldn't have mattered to him what had happened, only that I was okay.

"What's in your hand?" I asked Mike, indicating toward a thin box he held in his hands. My voice was still shaky and my lips felt dry and cracked. I realized how incredibly thirsty I was.

"It's a movie," Mike shrugged. He looked down to the box, which I could now see was clearly a DVD, with embarrassment.

"We could go for a good movie around here." Charlie forced a smile onto his face. "As long as it's a comedy," he added.

Mike smiled.

"It is actually!" He held up the DVD case to prove it. "_Notting Hill_ with Julia Roberts!" He beamed at us, proud that he hadn't brought over _Old Yeller_ or something.

A Julia Roberts romantic comedy? After everything that had just happened, the thought of sitting here with Mike and watching Julia's toothy smile fill our TV screen was absurd. I looked back down at the DVD. There she was, grinning happily. Julia Roberts.

Then I was reminded of Jacob. Jacob holding a tape of _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ and wearing a loosely knotted tie. I remembered how I had prided him for not renting some ridiculous Julia Roberts film. He knew me better than that.

I pushed the image away. I was exhausted and confused by everything that had happened, but I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts just yet.

"Great," I said quickly and grabbed onto the sleeve of Mike's sweatshirt. "Let's watch it." I pulled Mike to the living room, desperate to get the movie in and be able to fill my head with the monotonous dialog and story line. Anything to break the thoughts of Valentine's Day, or Jacob, or the events that followed.

Charlie brought us three cans of Coke and a bag of chips for the movie. I gave him a frail smile. He was attempting hospitality, even after our embarrassing scene on the front lawn that Mike had surely witnessed. I drank the soda greedily, quenching my thirst. Mike feasted on the potato chips, shoving handfuls of greasy, salted discs into his mouth and crunching loudly on them.

Mike sat next to me and during the movie, his hand found mine. It was warm. Not hot like Jacob's, or cold like Edward's. Mike was neutral.

We watched the movie through to the end, although I paid little attention to it. It was only diversion for me. When it was over, Mike stood and gave a yawning goodnight to me and Charlie. He turned back once, before walking out the door, and winked at me.

Charlie and I took the stairs slowly to our rooms. It was nearly one in the morning. Late. But at least the day was finally over. Charlie patted my shoulder with a low "goodnight" and shut the door to his bedroom behind him. Exhaustion overwhelmed me. When I finally opened my bedroom door I was about ready to faint.

If it had not been for the fragrant smell, I would have surely collapsed immediately onto the bed. But as I had opened the door, the scent had swirled around me, filling my lungs with its sweet familiarity. The scent had been far from me for so long, yet I could never forget it. I knew who it belonged to, and the knowing caused my heart beat in my chest like mad.

Moonlight poured through my window and illuminated the dark profile that stood in front of it. I stepped closer and shut the door behind me. It clicked softly. We stood together in the room. Then he spoke, confirming what I already knew.

"Bella," he said.

Edward's voice was just how I remembered. Like velvet.

.


	8. Chapter 8: Return

A/N: Well, it's been a while. A _long_ while...but I'm happy to finally publish the next chapter of BBD! The story was always there, in my head nipping at me to actually write it. So I did. And I didn't like it. So I did it again and again...finally getting out this chapter and several more (that will be posted soon!) And I'm working on finishing this.

A HUGE thank you to everyone who has read this story and has enjoyed it enough to review-they kept me going when I wanted to give up. The reviews and the comments and the adds to your favorite stories. You all are awesome.

IRemember, everything you recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer and not me. All rights remain with her.

Please comment!

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

Return

.

The room was dark and cold. I could feel the night air coming in from the open window…but there was something else that made the chill sink into my bones. Something malevolent in the bleak darkness. It was coming from him. From the still and unbreathing shadow across the room.

I felt it, rather than saw it. My room, draped in black, made it impossible to see anything other than thin streams of pale moonlight passing through my purple curtains. Squinting, I tried to get my eyes to adjust. That didn't help. It was like trying to see into the bottom of a well, too dark and too deep to see exactly what was there.

Between us there was nothing but air. That I knew. But the cold tension that emanated from him seemed to twist and wind its way through the room until we were both encased by it. It pulsed between us, sinister and unnatural.

I clutched the doorknob with my right hand, suddenly terrified to let go of it. If I let go, if I let myself trust my own legs to hold me up, I would collapse in an instant. Somehow the sound of his voice had let all of my bodily function run right out of me. My nerve, my blood, everything drained straight down to my feet. For all I knew there was a puddle of Bella Swan here on the rug. All that was left of me held desperately onto the doorknob for support and stared blankly back at his shadow, watching and waiting for him to speak again.

He did not speak, but moved slightly closer to the window so that the streams of moonlight illuminated his face. I gasped at the sight. The tuft of bronze hair, the sharp turn of jaw, his square shoulders, and finally, those liquid amber eyes. It was Edward. All of him. I could see him now after having nothing but memory and dreams for six months long. The sight of Edward here in the flesh took my breath and stopped it in my chest.

He looked beautiful in the moonlight and yet, strangely different. He appeared tired and burdened; the deep purple crescents below his eyes were deeper and more prominent. Another wave of that dark tension came over me, followed by a pang somewhere in my chest—probably near the heart—when I realized that the anger he felt must stem from returning to me.

_Too close_, I thought, _we're too close to be safe._

The thought was irrational and wild in my head, but that piercing look in Edward's eyes seemed to confirm it. He felt it too. We're not supposed to be this close. Not supposed to be like this at all.

Instinctually, I tried to take a step backwards, to get as much space between us as possible. But I was met with only the unyielding hard wood of the door behind me, and the metal knob, which poked me in the back.

Edward's eyes closed, turning his face away from mine in disgust. His hands balled into white fists while the muscles of his jaw clenched. He was angry, alright. Livid even. It was clear that he despised being near me... it radiated off of him in ice-cold waves of fury.

It was all too familiar. Edward looking at me this way…and my inexplicable sense of fear. I felt the urge to hide myself behind my hair just to have something between us. I shook my head, letting my tresses fall along the sides of my face.

At that Edward turned sharply on his heel, glaring at me for one eerie moment before his hand shot out from his side and collided with the wall beside him. There was a loud _crack_ and I flinched, knowing his arm had gone through the sheetrock…maybe even straight through the shingles on the outside of the house. Then, he spoke, in a strangled voice as though his very breath was on the brink of failing him.

"It has been too long."

Carefully and controlled, he pulled his hand from the wall. Bits of purple colored sheetrock fell to the floor.

That's when he decided to look at me. _Really_ look at me. When those tiny crumbles of my bedroom wall fell away. When they bounced off his shoes with soft _plinks_. That grim flatness in his eyes searched through me and I wondered what he saw when he looked at me that way. Just Bella, flattened against the door? Or did he see something else? Someone changed and different.

His eyes locked on mine as he exhaled - the first breath I saw him take since I came into the room. His pale face contorted as the last of the air left his body.

Without a breath, without another word, he clutched the sill behind him and jumped through my window without another glance back at me.

It was then I called after him. My voice finally finding its way to my lips. "Wait!" I cried, much too late. The empty window gaped back at me, letting in the night breeze. My room filled with the crisp scent of March air and nothing else. "Wait," I said again, softer, pleading, "That can't be it."

But I was alone again, left staring at the space that had just been Edward Cullen.

My head started to shake. "No. Not like this. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

I faced the window, incredulous to what had just occurred. My fear turned panic was now forming into full-throttled adrenaline. He was gone again. He had returned, only for a moment, to look at me with cold, angry eyes, and mutter something about it being _too long_ and run away. He left me. Again.

I banged my head against the door behind me. Frustrated. Agitated. The adrenaline firing straight through me.

Why did he come back? Why didn't he explain himself! Why didn't he say _anything_? It wasn't supposed to be like this! I wasn't supposed to go through all that pain. I wasn't supposed to sleep with Jacob, to _use_ Jacob, and have it fail just for fleeting seconds of a return. It was all so wrong, so terribly fucked up and ruined.

I gritted my teeth, shutting my eyes and bracing myself for what I thought would come next. The Pain. The inevitable pain would flood through me in his repeat absence. It would surely be too much this time. His voice, his scent—the sight of him here—all of it.

But there was nothing. Just the steady thump of my heart and the swell of my chest as I breathed. My body did not revolt for the first time in six months. It was unfathomable to imagine it, but there was no pain. No emptiness. Something had changed.

I thought of release, of letting go when I had crumpled onto Charlie's front lawn, calling out _I'm sorry_. To Charlie, to Jacob and Edward. And myself.

A part of me had needed to let go and allow myself to repent for harboring such pain for so long. Now it was gone. It wasn't about being numb or trying to be normal anymore. This time, I really was stronger.

And I wanted him to know it.

My heart pumped and without thinking I charged at the window, releasing the doorknob and running towards the light. My lips pulled back, baring my teeth as I ran to the frame and gripped on to it, placing my hands exactly where his had been only a second before. I pulled myself onto the sill and March wind whipped at my face. Holding the sides to keep from falling, I leaned out as far as I could into the night. Inhaling, I filled my lungs with bitingly cold air.

The moon was above me, radiant in the midnight sky. I looked up at it, remembering how its light had illuminated him. How it now surely gleamed against his skin as he ran from this house.

_He can run from me, but not from this_, I thought wildly and threw my head back, opened my mouth and howled to the moon.

My throat stung but I couldn't stop. I howled and screamed until my voice gave out. Screaming over and over what I could never say. The name I couldn't ever hear, think, or say out loud. The only name that had ever mattered:

_EDWARD._

"I can say it now," I breathed. Then slammed the window into its frame.

.

* * *

.

The next morning met me with a fit of dry, hacking coughs. Doubling over in my bed, I coughed and wheezed for air that would not come. I coughed and coughed until my throat burned.

Sitting up in my bed, I could feel the warm breeze from my window. I had to do a double take, checking again at the window that was pulled open wide, letting in the breeze and the sun.

Open, somehow. When last night I had slammed the damn thing so hard the glass had shaken in its frame. My lip pulled into my mouth and I sucked on it, knowing it hadn't been me, or Charlie even, that had opened my window again.

I did not turn my head, but let my eyes do a quick, hopefully subtle, sweep of the room. There was no one here. But someone had been after I had fallen asleep. Someone who was too careless or selfish to shut the window when they left.

I slipped out from the covers and crept over to glaring act of forgetfulness my intruder left behind. I peeked out over the side yard as far as I could see to the woods around us. No trace of any visitor. Of course, there wouldn't really be a trace. But I found myself looking for one anyway.

The sun was up and high; I could feel the warmth on my face as I squinted into it, surprised. Last night had been so cold. It was like the weather had shifted overnight. I beamed up at the cloudless sky. Everything had changed. It wasn't just me… it was my entire world. It was a perfect, glittering, sunny day.

I left the window open as I climbed out of it. Why bother shutting it if someone was just going to come and go as they pleased anyway?

Considering the weather, my bomber didn't seem appropriate to wear in the sun. I settled for a light long sleeved shirt that I pulled out of a pile of clothes on the floor and matched it with a pair of corduroys from another pile draped over my desk. I sniffed both items. They were clean, but I knew not everything strewn about the room was as fortunate. My room needed a good scrubbing. I had let it get unmanageable.

_Not to mention the perfectly round, fist-sized hole in the wall_, I added to myself. I gave the hole Edward had left behind one last glance before turning around and leaving it behind me to deal with later.

My steps were heavy and loud on the stairs as I made my way to the kitchen. I had decided not to entirely trust the sun today, and donned my bulky boots in case it rained later. I paused on the last step, clearing my throat and rubbing it idly. It stung as reminder for my scream-fest last night.

Charlie was home. I could hear him rustling papers before I walked into the kitchen where he sat, leaning over a cup of coffee and the morning's newspaper. His eyes intently concentrating on the article in front of him. It wasn't until I started coughing that he switched his focus to me.

"How'd you sleep, kiddo?"

I smiled weakly at him and went straight to the sink. Grabbing the first clean glass I saw, I ran the tap over it, filling it to the brim with cold water. Then I poured it down my throat.

I filled the glass again and chugged at the water. It was freezing and harsh against my scratchy throat. It was also, at that moment, the most delicious thing I had ever tasted.

"Slow down, there, Bells, you'll drown yourself," Charlie laughed.

I ignored him and emptied the rest of the water into my mouth. Then I poured myself a third.

"Thirsty?"

"Yea," I said, bringing the glass back to my lips. The water didn't do much for my voice. It came out all scratchy and broken.

"Sounds like you, uh, lost your voice," Charlie muttered and quickly looked away from me.

I nodded, watching him. Had he heard me last night? The question seemed almost ridiculous to ask. I was certainly loud enough to be heard across the hallway that separated our bedrooms. Even if he had been asleep, my screams have woken Charlie in the past. But if he had heard me, why didn't he come bursting through the door like he always did, baseball bat in hand?

"Must be from all the screaming," I said flatly, testing him.

Charlie's shouldered jerked at the word "screaming" but he quickly caught himself and smoothed them out, giving a short "Yup" as he turned his attention back to the paper.

Well that answered that question.

"Dad?"

"Yea, Bells?"

"How come you didn't barge into my room last night? When you heard me screaming?"

Charlie shrugged.

"Didn't sound like you needed me."

He must have registered my confused silence, because he set the paper down and sighed.

"The other times, your screams were…hysterical. You used to scream like you needed someone. You know, to come and wake you up. To help you." He paused, choosing his words carefully, "This time, it was different. You sounded different." Then he cracked a grin. "I knew you didn't need my help. I figured you were just… letting off steam."

Letting off steam. I couldn't help but match Charlie's smile. He had no idea. Then I laughed-in a hacking, scratchy kind of way-imagining Charlie in his room listening to me howl Edward's name in a half-rage thrill.

"Something like that," I conceded.

Charlie winked and returned to his article, his smile fading into an apprehensive frown. Whatever he was reading, it was clear he didn't like it.

I could only guess at the type of article that would get Charlie agitated. As reluctant as I was to broach the subject, I figured talking it over with Charlie was better than simply ignoring it.

"More uh… sightings?" I grimaced and dumped my glass of water into the sink, not wanting to look at Charlie when he answered. I opened the door to the fridge and grabbed the carton of eggs, cracking five into a skillet for our breakfast.

"No," Charlie answered, "not sightings. Killings."

Shocked, I turned to face him. The spatula in my hand dripped of yellow yolk.

"_Someone killed the bear_?"

Charlie gave an aggravated huff.

"No. I wish it was that simple." He pulled out the page of newspaper and held it up for me to see, "There's been a series of animal-caused killings in Seattle and a new one this morning outside of Forks." He turned the page and glanced at the headline wearily, "_Five Dead. Record-Sized Bear to Blame_."

He considered the headline for a moment and then slammed the paper down onto the table with a loud- _WHACK_!

"Damnit Bella!" he said, "One _this morning_ just outside of town! Do you know how lucky you and—and that boy—were last night? You were within feet of this thing! You could have been slaughtered." He picked the article up and the surrounding newspaper pages fluttered off the table to the floor.

Charlie held up the thin grey paper and, ticking off information, he read from it: "violent attacks… lacerations… torn limbs… complete loss of blood…" He threw the paper back on the table.

Yolk dripped from the spatula, but I didn't notice. The bear attacks had jolted me and some distant memory of Sam Uley's fiancée, Emily, rose from the back of my mind. It could have been like that, or worse, for me and Quil. We could have been killed.

Charlie, seemingly on the same thought as me, repeated "You were lucky. The both of you."

"Da-" I started, wanting to explain or give some reason for my actions, but he cut me off.

"No more woods. I'm serious Bells. Sightings are one thing, but now this animal is leaving a trail of bodies. And people are setting out to kill it. You've got testosterone-doped hunters out there who all want to come home the hero with that thing tied to the hood of their car. Idiots with guns, likely to shoot first and ask questions later. So listen to me. No. More. Woods."

"Fine," I answered truthfully. "You don't have to convince me on this one. I don't want to go anywhere near trees again."

"Good," he nodded. He looked down at the papers again, shuffling them into a quick pile. "There's something else too, though, Bells," he added.

"Hmm?" I hummed, turning back to the eggs, scrambling them with the spatula.

"Uh…well…I…" Charlie stumbled.

I waited for him to continue. It didn't sound like he was going to so I set the spatula to the side and turned to face him. He looked up at me, quickly, then set his gaze lower, to my feet.

"This, kid, _Quil?_…"

"Yes…?"

"Did he—did he do anything to you? Anything he shouldn't have?"

I tried to keep my eyes from popping out of their sockets.

"Charlie!"

"Look-I don't know what's going on. I just know that some boy I don't know took my daughter into the woods alone. Then he apologized to you…something about '_losing_ _control_'."

Charlie shook his head. "Can't say I liked that. I just want to make sure that you're okay. That I don't have to go and break this kid's neck.

"He didn't…" I started but was interrupted by a fit of coughing. "He didn't…" I tried again, but the coughs would not relent. I gave Charlie an apologetic look and doubled over to finish the fit.

Charlie held up his hand.

"That's all I need to know. That 'he didn't'. That's good enough for me."

I nodded, rubbing my neck.

"Try some honey for your throat, Bells. It's supposed to help stuff like that." Charlie muttered, gathering up the newspaper and sorting through the pages again.

He sounded oddly like Renee in that moment. I speculated if he had overheard her say that once, and that tid-bit remedy had stuck with him over the years. It wasn't like him to suggest something like honey. I doubted if he even a jar of it in the house.

I cocked a small smile at him.

"As long as we're stating our demands, you have to promise me something too."

Charlie raised his eyebrows.

"And what's that?"

"No more calling on my friends to come and fix me. Especially Mike Newton."

Charlie laughed in spite of himself.

"Guess I had that one coming."

I smiled back and returned to the eggs, which were now pretty much ready. Despite the topic of conversation, it felt good to just be with Charlie. Talking, eating breakfast. Normal, simple things done in a normal, simple way. Without over-trying or clouded by pain.

Even though Charlie left before me for work, he would still be late for his shift. I had the strange inkling that he had stayed home just to talk to me. To work things out between us from the previous night. I was glad he did.

Before walking out the door, he asked me to come down to the station after school and file a report about the bear-wolf. He wanted my exact description of it and what had happened. He mentioned trying to reach Quil later for his story as well, and there was a definite tone of distaste in his voice when he spoke Quil's name.

Outside, it was warm, unusually warm for March. Everything was draped in sunlight, and overwhelmingly green. I checked the driveway and the street for cars. Or rather, for a particular silver car. Knowing it was stupid to think he would be here, but unable to stop myself anyway. He had come back into my room for a reason last night. After I was asleep, where he wouldn't have to risk speaking to me. And he would be back again. This I knew. Something was happening in Forks to bring Edward back. I just had to wait him out. I had done it for six months. I could do it again.

I checked the sky again. It didn't look like the sun was going to let up. I would have to make it through an entire day at school before seeing Edward again. He would not emerge until after twilight.

The school parking lot was packed when I pulled up. I had to search for a spot and ended up parking in the slot next to Mike Newton's car. Mike was still sitting in his driver's seat, playing with his cell phone.

He turned brightly to grin at me through the window when I cut the engine of my truck. Like he had been waiting for me the entire time.

I groaned inwardly.

Mike was already at my door opening it for me before I could even gather my books.

"Good morning!" he cheered.

I nodded in response.

"So what did you think of the movie last night? You didn't say much during it," Mike was already prattling about. Without warning he swiftly reached over and took my books from my hand and tucked them under his arm.

I slowed my steps, stunned at Mike's act of chivalry. He always bounced back so quickly. He had gone from trying to woo me, to despising Edward, to graciously giving me space during my blackout, to shunning me when I was with Jacob, and here he was again. Back to being my friend. Back to himself. Like it was the easiest thing in the world. My own journey back had not been so effortless.

Mike slowed, noticing my lag.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his smile wavering at the ends.

"Um," I stalled, clearing my throat, and subconsciously swept my eyes across the length of the parking lot, "nothing," I finished. "It's nothing."

"What's up with your voice? It's all…gravely," Mike asked, tilting his head to the side, appraising me.

My hand went to my neck.

"Frog in my throat," I said and tried to smile like it was a joke.

Mike's smile returned full force.

"Yeah," he agreed, "I get those too." He shifted my books in his arms—tossing my Chemistry and English books back and forth between each hand. "Anyway I'm glad you liked the movie," Mike continued. He seemed not to notice or care that I hadn't answered his initial question. I didn't correct him either.

"I was thinking maybe tonight we could go out to see one. I know a while ago you said you wanted to see that horror movie. There's a new one playing in Port Angeles. I'll pick you up and we could go-maybe grab a burger on the way…" Mike looked over and smiled at me, then he leaned closer and draped one arm over my shoulders as we walked.

I flinched at his touch and side stepped out of his arms.

"Mike, I'm not ready for that," I said candidly. I wasn't ready for any romance whatsoever. Especially none with Mike.

"Alright," he sighed. "Just, let me know when you are, okay? Last time I didn't know when you were dating again until some oversized Indian had moved in already."

"Mike!"

"Sorry, I'm just saying. I want to be first in line this time," he cooed softly as if he was trying to reassure me of his sincerity. I felt one of his hands rest on the small of my back. "When you're ready, of course."

I looked back at him quizzically. Why would he want to be first in line with me, when there was absolutely no waiting with Jessica? They were together…or sleeping together at least.

As if in response to my internal question, I raised my eyes ahead of me and spotted Jessica standing by the front doors of the English building.

Mike and I both stopped this time. And his hand fell off my back like a dead weight.

Jessica pouted her lips at the sight of us, and with a sniff, turned on her heel and walked inside.

Mike ran a hand through his spikey hair and looked over to me. He was blushing.

I bit my lip at him. This wasn't good. Not for him anyway.

"Shouldn't you go after her?" I finally asked. It seemed only right.

"Not really," he said and crinkled his nose, "I kind of…broke up with her this morning."

"This _morning_?" I gasped. "You were still in your car when I pulled in, when did you have time to break up with her?"

Mike shrugged again.

"While I was _in_ my car."

Mike ducked his head away from my eyes and then went back to tossing my books back and forth from each hand.

"You drove her to school?" I asked feebly. Hoping that maybe Jessica had been in the car with Mike, and had exited quickly before I had pulled in beside them.

Mike shook his head, "Nope."

I winced.

"You called her then?"

"Nope."

"Mike, what did you do?"

His hand went back into his hair and he nervously scratched the top of his head.

"I texted her."

I groaned loudly. He had been texting Jessica when I saw him in his car. Text-messaging a breakup.

This was not good at all. As if I needed another reason for Jessica to be angry with me. This also seemed like Mike had put the final nail in his coffin as far as their relationship was concerned. Although he didn't seem very upset over it.

Shaking my head a little as I looked back at him, I felt my eyes wander from Mike's face to the trees behind him. They were still. Too still. No birds, no sounds, no wind. Nothing. Goosebumps pimpled my arms. Something was in there that drove out everything else.

_No_, I thought. Not something. _Someone_. Someone is in there watching me.

"Let's go," I muttered to Mike and took off for the English Building. He trailed behind me as we made our way to our first class.

Entering the classroom, I rubbed my hands over my face. Edward was here at the school. He had left, but hadn't gone far. He was following me, stalking me. And I had no idea what he wanted or why he wouldn't just come out and tell me.

I took a seat in the back of the room and Mike happily fell into the seat next to mine. I cringed away from his wide grin and focused on my notebook waiting for the class to start.

Mr. Berty was droning on about our next paper due at the end of the month. He also advised us that he would be happy to edit any college application essays for us, and to hand them in during the next few weeks to leave room for revision.

I made a note in the corner of my notebook. It read: "College?" I still had no idea what I was going to do after high school. Last year I had another plan entirely. One that didn't involve college application essays, at least.

I was daydreaming, doodling idly on the paper near my college reminder, when a small folded piece of paper landed on the desk in front of me. I glanced up, seeing who tossed the note and Jessica was whirling her head around back to the front of the room. I chewed on my bottom lip, appraising the note.

Finally I unraveled it. Jessica's loopy handwriting stated: "After class. We need to talk."

When I looked up again Jessica had turned back around and was glowering at me. I nodded quickly and then crumpled her note and tucked it into my pocket.

Mike scribbled obliviously on his notebook next to me.

When the bell rang, I collected my papers. Next to my college reminder, before Jessica had interrupted with her note, I had drawn trees. Trees clustered together in a brooding huddle of woods. Under them, I had drawn blade after blade of grass.

Mike coughed, and I shoved my notebook under my arm. He was waiting for me to get up so he could walk me to the other building.

"Um," I sighed, noticing Jessica leaning in the doorway watching us intently, "Mike I'll just see you at lunch, okay? I have to talk to Jessica and I don't want you to be late to your next class."

Mike turned to see Jessica in the doorway and shot me a fleeting look of apologetic fear. I shrugged back, letting him know I was fine and he sulked out the door, brushing past Jessica without one glance.

Jessica was pouting again. And soon we were walking together outside. I walked fast, and quietly, hoping she would just rail me with whatever profanities she had stored up, and I could make an easy retreat.

But she was silent. And when I went to turn towards our next building, she grabbed the sleeve of my shirt and pulled me the other way.

Towards the woods.

"No," I said, stopping short. I tugged my arm away from Jessica's hand. "I'm not going in the woods."

Jessica turned on me.

"Yes you are Bella!"

I groaned, "Why does everyone want to talk in the woods? What is it? Are you going to hit me or something? Cause you can do that here, you know."

"I'm not going to hit you," she frowned, "though I'd like to."

"Jess, I—"

"No!" she snapped. "Don't even try to apologize to me. I don't want to hear it. You knew how I felt about him and you still can't keep your dirty paws to yourself! Is this how you're going to be? Jump from boy to boy? Edward didn't want you, Jacob didn't want you. Now you're going to prey on someone who _I_ want!"

She grabbed my sleeve again and started yanking me towards the trees. This time I let her.

"I helped you! When you needed me. I helped you!" She was ranting now, pulling me along side of her. "And you don't even take my advice! What are you saving up for Mike now?"

"_What_?" I snapped.

Jessica had no idea what had happened with Jacob on Valentine's Day. That I had used her advice; that her words stuck with me and had ultimately ended in the downfall of my sanity.

"You're going to sleep with Mike just to spite me!" Jessica snapped back.

I almost choked on my laughter.

"You're insane!"

"No Bella!" Jessica cried, "You're _insane_! You're a fucking nut job! You can't even get your own friends to come and visit you! Your idiot father has to go around calling up everyone in school to even talk to you."

"Hey!" I shouted, stepping towards her, "Leave Charlie out of this." My voice cracked and my hand automatically went to my throat to soothe it.

"Stay away from Mike!" she screamed.

"Stop it! You're wrong about Mike. I don't want him," I said.

"It doesn't matter!" she cried, "_He_ wants_ you_!" She was stepping away from me now. "What is it about you that makes everyone want you? Cause I sure as hell don't see it!"

I looked back at her. Shocked by her question. It was the same question that always circled my thoughts since I moved to Forks. I had no idea why anyone had ever shown interest. Not Mike, or Jacob, and above all others, not Edward.

"I don't know."

"I don't get it!" Jessica screeched, "Look at you! You don't even sleep with them. You're a fucking _virgin_ and they fall all over you!"

At the word "virgin", the indisputable sound of a chuckle came from behind Jessica. My eyes instantly switched from her to where the laugh had come from. The woods.

Jessica was still standing across from me, her back to the trees. She was obviously too upset to have noticed the laugh. She was twisting her mouth in and out of a frown. When I looked back at her, her eyes were watering.

"Listen," I said quickly, trying to end her tirade so I could face the voice in the woods alone, "You don't have to worry about me and Mike. I swear. I made it clear this morning that it's not going to happen."

She nodded rigidly, trying to stop her tears from spilling onto her face. When the first one did, she spun away from me and I caught her wiping them away.

"Bella," she said sharply, "don't talk to me anymore. Ever. We're _not_ friends."

"Understandable," I answered and my eyes flicked back to the trees.

Jessica sniffed again and strode past me to her class without looking in my direction. I remained where I was, listening to her footsteps fall quiet as she left me behind.

The trees didn't move. Even after the bell rang signaling the start of next period. Jessica would be in class, out of range. I knew Edward was in there. Watching me and Jessica scream at each other. Chuckling about it.

I sucked in air, preparing myself for another confrontation; this seemed to be the week for fighting in the woods.

"Was that amusing to you?" I said quietly, knowing he could hear me. My voice cracked and I winced.

The chuckle started again through the trees and for a second I almost flamed again with anger as if it were mocking my hoarse throat. But then the low chuckle boomed into deafening full-out laughter.

I stepped back, listening to the laugh. This definitely was not Edward. Edward's laugh didn't _boom_. Who the hell was in there? Watching me and laughing like a madman?

The trees crunched and curled as two enormous hands swept them to the side. The laughter only amplified as Emmet Cullen broke from the woods, making no attempt to stifle his amusement.

"_Emmett_?"

My face must have matched the shock in my voice, because he took one look at me and busted into another fit of hilarity.

"What—what are _you_ doing here?" I asked, straining to look up at him. I'd forgotten how huge he was. Pale marble muscles wrapped around his thick arms. He was wearing a wife-beater, and the exposed skin sparkled in the open sun.

He seemed to become aware of this, because he quickly stepped backward into the cover of the trees.

"Come 'ere," he said, in what he must have thought was a whisper. Although, Emmett's whispers were just as loud as his usual voice.

"No," I shook my head, "No woods for me today."

Emmett smirked, continuing to wave me closer.

_Oh hell_, I thought and took a few steps forward. I placed my feet exactly where the stretch of sunlight ended and the trees began.

The grin on Emmett's face widened and he reached down and put one of his massive hands on my shoulder.

"Everything's more fun with you around, Bella," he laughed, "I thought this was going to be a pain in the ass watching you all day. But, damn, I mean I thought that Stanley chick was going to bitch-slap you."

Watching me all day? I narrowed my eyes at him, waiting for him to explain. But he only shook his head in delight and kept going.

"And then, I overhear that you're a virgin…like I'm not supposed to laugh at that! Edward would fucking flip his shit if he knew that I heard that about you." He snorted and mused to himself, "Disrespecting your privacy, or something. But come on, I was right here!" he indicated a spot behind a tree, "He can't put me on babysitting duty without assuming I'll hear or see something he didn't want me to know."

I looked back at him in shock. Emmett obviously believed Jessica's accusation that I was still a virgin. And he was also, obviously, very amused by this. I felt blood rushing to my cheeks. I didn't know whether to be relieved or embarrassed. Relieved because Emmett didn't know the truth. Didn't know about Jacob. Which meant, hopefully, that Edward didn't either. I could keep that one secret to myself for the rest of my life. And embarrassed because, knowing Emmett, I would never hear the end of it.

He noticed the red in my cheeks.

"Aw, don't worry. I'm not going to make fun of you…" he paused, "yet." Then he barked out another laugh.

I rubbed my hands over my face; this day was not going very well. The stalker turned out not to be Edward after all. It was Emmett, watching me at home, watched Mike Newton put his arm around me, and watched gleefully as Jessica and I had our showdown.

But then my spirit brightened. Emmett was here. Not Edward. Not brooding, jump out of the window and run away Edward. Emmett would give me some answers. He'd always liked me. He'd tell me what the heck was going on.

"Emmett," I said slowly and plastered a smile on my face, trying to coax it out of him, "can you tell me what's going on?"

His eyes shifted away from mine and he broke off a branch from the nearest tree and started peeling the bark with his fingernails. Avoiding the question.

"I can't," he said, and his tone let on that he didn't particularly like that fact, "You know how

_he_ is. I wasn't even supposed to be seen—or heard." He quirked a smile and tossed the tree branch to the floor, "That's out the window though. I swear I'da been fucking awesome at this stealth shit if it wasn't for your cat-fight."

"How about," I went on, "I just ask a few questions and, if you can, you answer them?"

Emmett looked at me as if to say '_are you kidding me, what am I twelve?_'

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Fuck it."

I grinned back at him. Finally, someone willing to work with me here.

"Okay. Why are you and Edward back in Forks?"

"Pass. That's for him to tell you."

I frowned. This was going no where fast.

"Well then, what about the rest of your family? Are they here too?" I stopped, clearing my throat a little, "Carlisle? Alice?"

I squeezed onto my books in my hand, pressing them firmly to my chest. I hadn't realized how much I had missed Alice. How much a friend like her would have been nice to have around these last six months.

Emmett shook his head.

"Just me and Edward. Jasper was with us for a while but he…uh…never mind."

"He what?" I leaned in closer.

"Pass."

"Emmett!" I called, "Come on, are you going to let Edward dictate your every word? When he says jump do you ask _how high_?" I raised my eyebrows at him, hoping this would strike the right cord with Emmett. Hoping his testosterone levels would want to squash any implication that someone else called the shots. And that he would spill everything just to prove me wrong.

He only snorted. "Nice try, Bella."

Frustration boiled through me. I stomped my foot hard on the ground. "Tell me!"

At this Emmett started to laugh again. So hard he clutched a hand to his stomach, doubling over.

"You. Just" he said between laughs, "Stomped. Your. Foot."

I sneered back at him but he ignored it.

"You are fucking hilarious when you're mad! Like a little angry bunny rabbit."

That did it.

"A bunny rabbit?" I yelled, and damn my voice for cracking as I said it. I heaved my armful of books at him and they flew in every direction. Emmett dodged them easily but I kept screaming.

"You're just like your brother, do you know that? Maddeningly condescending and frustrating beyond belief! He left last night! Like a coward. And sent you to do his bidding. So guess what, you're going to tell me what you know if you like it or not!"

This sent him reeling again. And if vampires could cry I bet tears would have been rolling down his face in pure enjoyment.

"Alright, alright," he said steadying himself, "Just not the books again. Anything but the books!" He continued to mock me and I frowned at him. But at least I knew he was going to talk.

"Jasper, um, fell off the wagon. He didn't mean to, of course. Just happened."

A chill ran up my spine at his words.

"What do you mean 'fell off the wagon'? Do you mean that he…"

Emmett nodded. "A human got too close to us when…" he trailed off, not finishing his thought, he shrugged and continued "Of course he couldn't come back up with us, so he met up with Alice to go chill out for awhile."

My throat went dry for a reason that had nothing to do with losing my voice. Jasper had killed someone. There was a victim of Jasper's weakness for human blood. The darker thought, _it could have been me_, nipped at the back of my mind. Jasper had been close to doing the same thing to me at my disastrous birthday party. It was the reason for all of this.

Did this all come together? I stared back at Emmett, trying to make sense of what he was telling me. Jasper had killed someone. Now Emmett and Edward were in Forks, and somehow…all of this came back to me.

"What does this have to do with me?" I gulped, not knowing whether I wanted to hear the answer or not.

"I'm telling ya, ain't I? Shit gets interesting when you're around. Shame about Jasper but he'll get over it. At least I got to see a little action. You know, enjoy the hunt." He pumped his eyebrows at me, as if I knew what he was talking about.

"The hunt?"

"The hunt. The tracking. That's what we were doing. Edward, Jasper, and me. Tracking that redheaded bitch that was with James last year. Followed her all the way down to Texas."

It was like the wind was just kicked out of me.

"Victoria?" I gasped. Saying her name out loud seemed to rattle fears I had long forgotten. They shook now inside of me…echoing Emmett's words. James. Victoria. The hunt.

"Yeah," Emmett nodded, "we tracked her down. Hunted for her. There was an awesome fight. Normally, it would have been easy…three against one… but she had this human with her. Some dude. He tried to help her and blood was spilt. Well, Jasper couldn't help himself. But, we think she was planning on turning the guy anyway. Make herself a new mate."

I blinked back at him. They had tracked Victoria and killed her. For what? What did any of this have to do with Forks? With me?

"Why did you go after her, Emmett? How does all of this bring you, and him, to me?"

Emmett frowned, looking irritated.

"I can't... _Shit_, Bella. I would tell you, but…believe me, that part needs to come from him."

"He's told me nothing!" I snapped. "He didn't say a word last night about a fight! Your brother just ambushed me in my room and now you're following me to school. Obviously I'm involved in this and I need to know why!" Coughing overcame me and I shot him a loathing glare before I doubled over gagging.

"Okay! Okay! SHIT!" Emmett snarled. He shot forward and kicked a stone from the earth. It shattered on impact, then muttered to himself, "I wasn't even supposed to be _seen._"

I caught my breath, my eyes watering from the coughing, and met Emmett's golden eyes.

"He's got to tell you himself," Emmett said roughly, "If I knew where the hell he was I would take you to him—but I don't! He's off at some fucking meadow he keeps blithering on about—like I know where that is. And I can't track him cause there's some god-awful stench reeking from your house. I can't catch Edward's scent from there with a nose full of that shit."

Every muscle in my body froze.

Grass.

Green grass, glinting in the sunlight. I pictured clearly the endless field of grass that I had dreamed about for weeks. And knew that's where he was.

Our meadow.

"Emmett—"

He ignored me again and raised his vocals into a perfect imitation of Edward's smooth voice. "The meadow this. The meadow that! Just watch her for me, Emmett. I need to collect myself. I need to _prepare_."

"EMMETT!" I shouted, grabbing his attention. He looked back at me, surprised by the urgency in my voice. "I know where Edward is."

"You do?" Emmett asked. Now he actually looked impressed.

"Yes. But, I'm not sure exactly how to get there. He," I swallowed, "he always carried me."

"Get me as far as you can. From there, I can follow his scent the rest of the way."

Nodding and taking a deep, rasping breath, I stepped forward into the woods.

With my discarded schoolbooks scattered around him, Emmett bent his knees to the ground in front of me, low enough for me to climb onto his back. His grin was as wide as his face.

"See what I mean, Bella? _Much_ more fun when you're around," he chuckled again to himself. "Now hop on, spider monkey."

.


	9. Chapter 9: Answers

Twilight and all things related are not owned by me. Stephenie Meyer owns all rights to her stories and characters.

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

Answers

Emmett's run was neither smooth nor easy. I didn't feel comforted or set at ease by my decision to go with him as I clung to his back for life. His run, which was really more like a barreling gallop, matched his personality perfectly: rash, audacious, and animalistic. He propelled himself through the woods, clawing any ill-fated obstacles out of his way with brute ferocity. I should have expected as much from him. It was like trying to ride atop a wild bear.

Wildlife steered clear of us. Along with the constant whoosh of our run, I could hear the darting sound of hooves and paws as other animals frantically scattered away from us. If we brushed closely by one, Emmett snarled enthusiastically at the poor animal as it scurried in the other direction.

I had given him all the directions I could remember and soon we were past the point of my recollection. Emmett was now following the trace of Edward's scent alone. And from what I could discern from my clutched position on his back, he was thoroughly enjoying the hunt.

I kept my eyes closed and my face pressed into the cool marble of Emmett's back. My body shivered, the thin cotton between Emmett's icy skin and me was not enough to keep me warm. I held onto him tighter though, and my body conformed around his in a familiar way. It almost felt like Edward.

Eventually Emmett slowed into a steady trot before he stopped abruptly and cocked his head to the left.

"He's here," he informed me, "And now he knows I brought you. He's not going to be happy about that."

I could practically hear his smile.

I opened my eyes, finally, to see the woods around us. They were quiet and still and a small part of me remembered telling Charlie how I would stay away from trees.

_Too late for that now,_ I thought and let myself slide down Emmett's back to the ground.

I turned slowly, surveying the forest, looking for the spot where the trees would clear for the meadow. I put my hands to my hair, detangling several leaves from it absentmindedly. When I turned back to Emmett he was watching me and smiling with that bemused look on his face again.

I cocked a raised eyebrow at him but he only shook his head.

"He's in the meadow, which is just a few feet that way," he said and nodded to the left. "You go on ahead, Bella. I'm staying out here…so you'll have some privacy." Then he paused and murmured something lower and deeper in his throat, "but I won't be far, incase you need me."

I could tell that last part wasn't meant for me. He was speaking to Edward—who would be able to hear his low voice as clearly as if they were standing next to one another.

Emmett must know about last night. How Edward's regret had angered him to the point where his resentment towards me was almost tangible. Apparently Emmett felt the need to stay close in case Edward needed him. For what I had no idea.

"Thank you, Emmett," I said and squared my shoulders. I needed to gain back some of my nerve. The question '_why did I come here?'_ was nagging at me, but I quieted it immediately with the answer. _Because I want to know everything._

Emmett looked back at me, his eyebrows knitted into a deep crease on his forehead.

"Bella, wait," he said, "don't let Edward get away with all of his secrecy shit anymore. Don't let him pussy out this time either."

I nodded, even though I had no idea what he meant about "pussying out", and then Emmett stepped away from me and started walking in the opposite direction of the meadow.

"I'll be close," he reminded.

I watched him disappear into the thick cover of the trees. Across the other side, Edward was waiting for me in our meadow.

My thoughts came to a halt—not _our_ meadow. Not anymore. Nothing was ours now.

It was unnerving making my way through the woods. Knowing that Edward was listening to my approach and that he could hear the crunch of ground under my boots with each step I took. He also undoubtedly heard my "umph" as I tripped on a rock, but caught myself before my face hit the dirt.

The woods began to thin and sunlight broke through the tops of the trees. The clear opening to the meadow was just ahead of me when my feet suddenly stopped.

My stomach flipped as my body registered his closeness.

_What am I doing here?_ I asked myself again. _What happens if the anger is back in his eyes and he runs away again? This time for good? Do I go back to being broken?_

_No_, I shook my head. And knew it too be true. I'm different now. Not broken. Not anymore.

In an attempt to channel that same rush of adrenaline from last night, I pictured the moon and how I had called to it. If I was lucky, it would bring back that feeling of unbridled freedom.

_I'm like the moon_, I thought. I had revolved in and out of the shadows. Going from whole to only a sliver of my former self and back again. Pulling myself out of the darkness….

"And into the light," I whispered, leaving the woods, the cover of the trees, and entering the meadow.

The sun was blinding and I had to immediately shield my eyes from it with a hand stretched across my forehead. Looking out into the meadow, the first thing I saw was the grass. Blade after blade of it. Just like in my dream.

The sun coated the open field in warming bright light. I felt it on my skin and saw it gleam on the green grass. Yes, it was exactly like my dream.

A growing understanding spread through me as I stood in my manifested fantasy. I had dreamed of this moment. I was meant to be here. I closed my eyes as the certainty settled in. This moment was my fate all along.

When I opened them, Edward was there. He stood in the center of the meadow, dressed in light grey trousers with a soft cotton tee-shirt, his hair tangled in its usual bronze muss. His long alabaster arms glittered brightly in the sunlight, shining in thousands of tiny facets.

_If I am the moon_, I thought, _than he is the sun._ Shining and sparkling beauty. No matter how I felt about him, no matter how frustrated or freed of him I felt, I couldn't deny the absolute beauty of Edward in the sunlight.

_Don't think about that_, I urged myself. Don't think about how beautiful he is. I forced the moon-image back into my brain. The new moon. Whole again, with only the memory of the shadows that had swallowed me. I tried hard to dredge up the anger I once had. The agony I had felt at his leave, the hate I had for myself and Jacob when we tried to right it. I needed to feel it all so that Edward could feel it too. I had forgiven myself for it all, but now what I wondered was, after all of this, could I forgive him?

I narrowed my eyes, not to shield the sunlight, but in determination. I wouldn't be distracted by his presence. This would not be an encore of last night, where I had stood waiting for him to do something, only to be left behind. I wanted answers. And I was going to get them.

"Are you going to run away again?" I said sharply, my voice holding out. It still sounded hoarse, but at least it didn't break.

His answering smirk startled me.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, and I noticed the change in his voice. It was neither strained or shallow as when I last heard it. It was _his_ voice. Calm and smooth. "I wish that it could have been different for us last night. It was impolite of me to leave so abrupt. To not explain…" he trailed and then smiled crookedly, "It is easier now."

_Impolite?_ _Easier?_ I had to remind myself to take a deep breath.

"I hope you know I have no idea what you're talking about," I said.

He seemed to acknowledge this and chuckled.

"I know you don't. I was counting on that, anyway. Emmett hasn't told you much. He's a good brother to me," he said appreciatively, "Even though he brought you here. It was a risk to do so. It was something I should have foreseen. Emmett enjoys risk."

"_I_ told him to take me here," I said tartly, "It's not Emmett's risk. It's _mine_. I know I'm a part of whatever is going on. I just want to now how."

"Answers," Edward replied, "The thing we both crave from the other."

His serene retort stunned me. What could he possibly want to know from me when he had the more pressing issue of explaining why he was suddenly _here_?

"You want answers from me?"

He nodded. "Just a few. And…one theory."

Theories. We were back to guessing each other's motives. It seems I did come full circle. Here I was, alone with Edward, trying to guess what was going on. And him, trying to read my mind and asking me for theories. I thought of that restaurant he had taken me to in Port Angeles. Theories. It was how it all began. Relenting, I let my arms fall.

"What theory?" I asked.

"On last night. Why I reacted the way I did. Why I sent Emmett into your bedroom this morning."

"You sent Emmett into my room?" I asked, grimacing. That explained the open window. Leave it to Emmett to be careless about covering his tracks.

Edward smiled crookedly and I had to look away again. That stupid smile was going to ruin everything for me. I sighed, looking down at my feet and digging the hard tip of my boot into the ground.

"My theory…" I paused, wondering what to say and what to withhold. I swallowed, letting the saliva coat the back of my throat, wishing for a glass of water now, and decided the hell with it and just say what I wanted.

"My theory on last night is that you left because something was wrong. We both felt it, didn't we? That cold tension between us? You said it had been too long. But I think you were wrong. It was too close for us. We're not supposed to be that close anymore. Not that you want to be. You made that pretty clear. But being near me only makes you loathe my entire existence even more."

I stopped speaking, my last words caught in my throat. Unable to look at him, I stayed focused on unearthing the grass with my boot. Jamming my foot into the soil and wishing I could crawl beneath it. All of a sudden the sun felt very hot and the breeze non-existent. But I had come here for answers…so I just sighed and went on.

"So you sent Emmett to do your bidding just so you wouldn't have to be near me. That's why he's out there, isn't it? In case you can't stand me any longer. And he told me about tracking Victoria and about Jasper…." I trailed, knowing better than to bring up Jasper's accident, "And he said that you needed to tell me yourself why you're both in Forks again. Something is going on and I just want to know what it is. When it's over, we can go back to pretending nothing ever existed between us."

I finally looked back to him, wanting to see the expression on his face. Maybe it would show if I was right or wrong. But it was only a distant blank canvas giving me no insight.

Then he stepped forward…closer to me.

"You think I hate you? That I left last night because I couldn't stand to be near you?" he asked and took another step.

"I'm not stupid," I said willfully, "I know nothing has changed. That you still don't want me."

"You're wrong," he said.

He walked towards me, slow and steady, his voice like velvet in the warm air.

"I thought it to be obvious. I assumed that last night you had seen the monster I truly am. Just as you had seen it the day we met," he sighed, "Do you remember that? Our first sight in Biology?"

I nodded.

"When I entered your room last night, it was very much like that first day. Being away from you for so long had weakened my tolerance for the scent of your blood. I did not expect that. Even so, I tried to endure it, waiting in your room for you. And then you walked in, saturating that tiny room with your scent. It was everywhere. When that door closed, sealing us in together, all I could taste was your blood in my throat. It did not sing to me as it always does, but screamed."

I swallowed roughly. _Too close_, I had thought then. Yes, we had been too close. It was instinct that had kicked in last night, warning me to stay away. It had felt familiar because it was. Last night was our first sight all over again.

Edward's voice hardened.

"I was not angry with _you_, Bella. I was enraged with myself. I reacted like a monster because I am one. The reason why Emmett is staying close is for my own assurance. He knows what your blood does to me."

Was this true? I wondered. Was I in real danger last night? But if nothing had changed, where was instinct now? Now that he was standing so close to me…closer than we had been in six months.

"And now?" I asked, "Now that we're out in the open air, you're just fine again?"

He chuckled lightly, as if he was in on his own private joke.

"It is not that simple. I had to take precaution, of course. I had to ensure that it would never be like that again."

Edward took another step, and now we were a little less than arm's length from each other. He titled his face and the bare skin of his glittering neck exposed a line of silver cutting through the bright facets of light. It was a thin chain that hung as a necklace. And as I traced my gaze down the length of it, I found a deep red pearl sitting neatly on his chest.

Memories swept over me: The smell of incense, mixed with a stronger, closer musk. My hair brushed to one side as silver glided along my skin. Fingers at the nape of my neck, securing the chain around me.

It was mine. The necklace. The pearl.

It was the blood pearl.

"My necklace!" I said and lunged for it. Edward was too fast, of course, and parried away from me, catching my wrist in his hand and pulling me to him. My feet fumbled on top of his and for a second I felt the cotton of his shirt graze my cheek. I looked up to meet his eyes. His face was so close to mine I could feel his cool breath on my skin.

"Yes," he said.

"Where did you get that from? Why are you wearing that?" I tugged at my wrist, trying to free it from him but he only held me tighter.

"_This_ is why," he said firmly and lowered his face to the underside of my wrist. I felt the cool tip of his nose brush lightly against my skin as he inhaled. Not once, but twice he breathed in the scent of my skin and what pulsed beneath it.

"I said I needed to ensure," he spoke softly against my skin, "And for that I had to obtain something of yours that was permeated with your scent." He paused, looking down at the pendant. My eyes followed his gaze to the red pearl that lay on his hard chest. "This held a strong part of you. I am not sure why. But it works perfectly. I inhale you with every breath I take. Even when you are miles away."

He let my hand fall, releasing me from him. Then he stepped back and smiled at me.

I had to right myself. My head felt light and my breathing seemed to have stopped all together. My wrist was still tingling from his cold touch. It had jolted me, sending every emotion out of me in one sweep of his skin. But looking at him in the sun, wearing a pendant that was meant for me, sent fire through my veins.

It didn't belong there. It belonged on my neck, the way the person who gave it to me had intended. It was a part of me that wasn't Edward's. It was _mine_.

"That is personal property. I want it back."

"It couldn't have meant much to you," he frowned, "Emmett found it beneath a pile of worn clothing in your bedroom. The necklace appeared to have been discarded, I was told. Besides, it was broken. I had to repair the chain in order to secure it around my own neck."

I winced at his words. True, I had discarded it. Not long after the chain had snapped from the motorcycle incident, I had put my necklace somewhere, possibly on my dresser, or my desk, either way…I figured Charlie would fix the clasp whenever I asked him. But I never did. I had forgotten it. And until now, I hadn't thought of the red pearl Jacob bought for me on our first date. Had I thrown Jake away just as carelessly?

I eyed the blood pearl. It held a strong part of me, Edward had said. Of course it did. It held the Jacob part.

"Give it back." I said roughly, "Give it back to me now."

Edward shook his head.

"No."

"That has nothing to do with you," I snapped back, "You have no idea what he means- what _it_ means to me."

I put my hand to my heart. It was racing again and I knew Edward would notice. I shook my hair so it fell to the sides of my face. I felt out of breath, like I had just run a mile. The necklace meant more to me than I ever could have imagined. It forced Jacob into my thoughts. Forced me to remember how I had treated him. How angry I had been at him. How I had blamed him when I was the one who was wrong. I had used Jake in the most terrible of ways. I used his love for me against him.

Edward was quiet, but his eyes did not waver from mine. He no doubt caught the slip up in my words. He sighed again and spoke lower, solemnly.

"No, I do not. It seems a lot has changed in six months."

I bit my lip. Edward didn't seem to know exactly how much had changed since he left. How, specifically, one physical part of me had _definitely_ changed.

"It has been too long."

The sound was only a breath. So soft, I hadn't realized that it was me who had spoken it.

"Yes," Edward sighed.

His golden eyes drew downward and I felt the air of our conversation darken. So much had happened during our time apart. It was strange to know that Edward had his own existence without me and to know that, for certain, he had no idea what I had went through in the wake of his absence. It was obvious that Alice had not been watching over me. She would have foreseen the necklace and, then, Edward would have already known about Jacob.

The wind picked up and I tucked my hair behind my ears. Edward's eyes shifted once, towards the wood to my right. I thought briefly of Emmett, idly wandering among the trees somewhere. Somewhere close, as he had reminded us.

Edward's eyes flicked back to mine. It had only been a second, but I had noticed.

"I understand," he said finally. His voice was coated with sorrow. "Tell me, Bella, about Jacob Black."

The name froze me.

_He knows, he knows, he knows, he knows _was the only thing I could think. But he couldn't. It would be impossible.

"What did you say?" I asked, my voice shaking, giving me away.

"Jacob Black. I need to know the answer to the question that has consumed my every thought."

He was going to ask me what I had done with Jacob. Ask me about what had happened on Valentine's Day in that tiny shed of Black. The day of the storm. And how would I answer that question?

But instead, Edward exhaled deeply and asked "Do you love him?"

Relief and shock hit me at the same time. I sputtered for a response.

"Why do you—"

"I said I wanted answers too, Bella," Edward cut in, "I've wanted to know everything that happened since I left you on the trail. I wanted to know if you ever moved on. If, maybe, a normal boy would ask you out. If you would say yes. I thought perhaps it had been Newton. I had a blind, raging moment when I first heard him in Charlie's house with you last night. But it only took one second of his thoughts to realize that wasn't true. Mike Newton was consumed with thoughts of the Black boy. He wondered if you thought he was as attractive as Jacob. He wondered if he should grow his hair long. He wondered," Edward paused, his teeth grinding, "how far you had gone with him."

I gasped. There was no way Mike could have known what happened between Jacob and me. Even if Jessica had said something to him. No one knew how far we had gone. Just me. And just Jacob.

"And so, the more Mike dwelled on your relationship with Jacob, comparing every minute detail to himself, I wondered too. I submerged myself into his thoughts, urging him to just ask you, so that I could hear the answer and finally know. Could it be that you had found what I had once hoped for? A safe, normal boyfriend? A normal life free of me?"

I almost choked on my sudden, humorless laughter. _Normal_. A normal life. What I had crawled and clawed at so desperately to obtain.

"You have no idea."

"Then explain."

I turned on him.

"No! I owe you nothing. I don't care how badly you want to know or if you're asking yourself the same questions Mike did. And that makes you no better than him, doesn't it?"

He did not respond so I kept going.

"You said that I should just move on and be normal because I wasn't good for you. But suddenly you care who I am good for? Just as long as it isn't you." My voice was shaking, rattling inside my sore throat. And it did not surprise me when I felt tears in my eyes. I didn't care now about crying in front of him. About looking weak. I just wanted it out. All of it out.

"And you come back, just poof! Here you are! In my room. Not speaking or moving or explaining anything. You punched a hole in my wall and sent your brother after me. And still I came here to find you so I can figure out what the hell is going on! You want answers? Theories?" I yelled, "Well too bad! This is what I want! I want to know why you're back. _Why_ are you here, Edward?"

I stopped, panting and out of breath. My throat burning for water. But I pushed that all down and away. Only wanting to hear his answer.

"You," he said.

I blinked at him, uncomprehending.

"_You_, Bella," Edward repeated, "I am here, I came back, for you."

"But what do I have to do with anything? With you and Emmett coming back to Forks? With Victoria?"

He shifted in the grass and light glinted off of his face in perfect sync with his movement.

"You have everything to do with my return because you are the sole reason I am in Forks."

"But _why_?"

"Because I need you."

I could not speak, but only look at him in some twisted daze of shock. He reached an arm out, as if to touch me, then stopped- reconsidering the gesture and placed both of his hands in his pockets. Then he spoke slowly and carefully, his hands never leaving his pockets and his eyes never leaving mine.

"I did not think it would be as difficult as it was. I sat outside that house for hours, listening to you sit with that insipid boy. Listening to Mike Newton hold your hand. Knowing that he could touch you and I couldn't. I listened, trying to find the courage to come through your window. I thought of Newton and Jacob Black and wondered if I should just turn around and leave. I almost made myself do it. But I couldn't. Instead I waited in a room that pulsed with your scent, memorizing thousands of words to say to you when I could finally see you after so long."

Last night, I remembered, picturing the four of us in that house. Myself just having a meltdown on the front lawn; Charlie, confused and worried for me; Mike, dopey and hopeful…and Edward, silently brooding alone in my room. Obsessing over thoughts of Jacob and Mike. Inhaling my scent for hours and it still not being enough.

Edward paused, licked his lips and continued.

"I ended up unable to voice even one of them because I had expended all my air simply saying your name. I had to leave because I was afraid to inhale anymore of your scent. I left to keep you safe. Though I know now that I should have never left you at all. Not for one second.

I don't feel fear as others do, Bella. I have no fear of peril for my existence. My kind is not attuned to that emotion. The only way I ever felt fear at all was for you. I could never have you in danger. The fact that being with me put your life at risk terrified me. Then, my own brother almost takes your life and you dismiss it, because it could only be expected for us to react as monsters. I knew then that I could not pretend any longer. Your life was far too great a risk. So I left and hoped that whatever happened to you, you would never be in as much danger as every second you were with me."

I focused intently on Edward's mouth as he spoke. I did not want to miss one word. Because this was what I had wanted. It was everything.

"That is what you have to do with Victoria, Bella. I murdered her with my own hands to keep her from hurting you. I couldn't just leave you here, unprotected, when someone like Victoria preyed on revenge. My brothers and I hunted for her the moment I left Forks and I was eager for the distraction. I felt that as long as I was keeping you safe, a part of me was still with you. It held me together. When it was over, and she was no more than ash, and Emmett was sated and pleased with himself, and Jasper had left in shame, that I found out what I didn't know to exist for me."

Edward didn't have to finish his thoughts. I knew the next words he was going to say without doubt. Because I had gone through it too.

"I did not know," he said solemnly, "that I could feel pain. Such that I had never known before…human or vampire. Pain that ripped me apart, made a hole. Constant through the rise and fall of the sun. I couldn't think of you. Not even your _name_. The pain was far too great. It made the fear seem small. It pulled me toward you like a magnet, back to Forks, back to your room. I need you Bella, because without you I cannot survive. I need to love you. I want to risk the fear to just be near you."

Edward stopped, taking a step towards me and finishing his speech in a voice that had seemed to crack down the middle.

"So when I said I didn't want you, it was a lie. The blackest lie ever spoken. I want nothing but you. Forever."

Edward stepped forward again, his hands coming from his pockets and twitched towards me.

_I'm supposed to go to him now_, I thought, _walk right into his arms and have him hold me._

Instead, I stepped backwards.

"What about everything else?" I said, my voice breaking.

Edward titled his head to mine in a questioning glance.

"What about me not being good enough? What about _not_ wanting me enough you uprooted your entire family just to get away from me?"

"Bella, listen…" he whispered.

"No!" I snapped, "You felt pain? Good! Cause I felt it too! What about that? What about the pain _I _needed so desperately to run from? I had to live with it. I couldn't just go and find you and say I needed you. I was left here. I was consumed by it."

Edward's face crumpled in sorrow. His eyes closed and put his hand to cover them.

"Let me explain," he said in ragged breath.

"You broke me," I gasped, "And I had to bring myself back to life just to get through it. Now, you're telling me that was all for nothing! Because everything you left me for was just a lie! I tried so hard to change. I did things…things out of sheer desperation just to get you out of me. I don't know what happened but I did it. I got you out and now you're pushing yourself back in! You need me? Well, I need to not be that old Bella again... the one who only wants you."

"You don't have to be her. You don't have to do anything. I came back here because I simply need to love you, Isabella Swan. I need to be near you, see you, and-" he grabbed the blood pearl into his palm, "_breathe_ you. Without you, I have no reason to exist."

I looked around me. At the grass. The endless, flowing grass of our meadow. If it was my fate to be here with Edward—was this it to? To ultimately decide what I wanted? To be with him? To send him away? I had come here for answers and now I had to give one. It was like a fork in the road or a hand offering an apple to bite. I was being handed a choice.

"I—" I stumbled over words. Not knowing what to say or how to say it. But only feeling. Feeling the sun beat down directly over me, feeling the warm breeze blow through my hair, feeling Edward's stare, feel my heart racing, my mind reeling. And feeling undeniably real, tangible, breathtaking love.

"You don't have to feel the same," Edward said and I heard the blatant hope in his voice, "But... do you? Is there any part of you that may still love me?"

I looked up at his face, into his golden eyes and knew my answer before I even spoke it aloud.

"No."

The lie tasted bitter on my tongue and I turned my face away, so I didn't have to look at him. The longer I stared into the meadow the harder my eyes burned. I blinked rapidly, trying to keep everything inside. Not wanting anything to show. I blinked until my eyelashes felt wet.

I felt him move closer to me and when I looked back at him, the buried pull to be near him coursed through me. It hooked behind my ribs and pulled. To my other half. To the one person I had ever loved wholly and true. Standing only a foot away from me, Edward looked back at me with hurt, wary eyes. There was pull in them too.

I stepped forward, but only slightly. And Edward, as if sensing my need, was at my side in an instant.

I shook my head again. "No," I whispered, "No, no, no. I don't love you. I don't." And fell smoothly into his arms. He wrapped them around me, putting his face to my hair. Tears ran down my cheeks, salty and hot. I put my face to his chest. His floral scent was everywhere and I breathed it in, thinking I could drink it if it were possible.

"I know," Edward whispered in a broken voice. I could feel his breath in my hair.

He held me cradled in his gentle embrace. His chest swelled as he breathed me in. All of me. Just like he wanted.

I knew the next move was mine. That I had to break from his arms and walk away. Because we couldn't go on like this. Needing and hurting the other.

I counted in my head. One more second. Just one more second in his arms, then I'll let go.

But he beat me to it.

Edward went rigid, dropping his arms from mine. Then suddenly he was in front of me with his arms stretched wide, creating a physical barrier between me and…the empty meadow.

Except that it wasn't empty. Not for long. I had to strain to hear it, but eventually I could hear what Edward had no doubt registered much sooner than me. The sound of male voices and leaves rustling. Men were approaching us, and quickly.

They emerged from the trees into the clearing. Three, tall, brute men with russet brown skin and short, black hair. They were shirtless and massive.

One of them spoke. And it was a dark, raspy voice I recognized at once.

"Mother_fucker_."

It was Jacob. And he was sprinting towards us.


	10. Chapter 10: Fight

Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. All rights remain with her.

Enjoy!

**Chapter Ten**

Fight

Everything that came next happened in only seconds. I was too slow, too clumsy, too _human_, to catch every detail.

Jacob was running towards us, his lips peeled back exposing lines of white teeth. The other two men that he was with were shouting at him. But not to stop him. They were egging him on.

Edward fell into a low crouch, his fingertips lightly touching the green grass. He gave a warning growl at Jacob then sprang forward. I cried out, desperately reaching for the hem of Edward's shirt but caught nothing but air.

Jacob's snarl changed into a frightening grin and for one second I was suddenly scared. The smile was all wrong. It was a sickening smirk of pure delirium.

The smile vanished as Jake leaped mid-stride and it seemed like he was going to pass right over Edward. Only there was this tearing sound—a _ripping_—and Jacob was gone.

Fur exploded into the air. Snarling, barking fur. It tumbled into the grass behind Edward and when it rose I screamed again. It was the wolf, the _Kadi-do_ from the woods. Not the same black one, but a ruddy russet-colored thing that stood towering over Edward.

"Yeah, Jake!" one of the men called from the other end of the meadow.

I heard them faintly, all sounds around me seeming to slip away as I watched the animal snap long, lupine teeth at Edward before breaking into a run straight for him.

Edward's arms were around me in seconds. I was up, lifted into him where my feet barely grazed the ground, and tucked inward, into his chest where I could not see the wolf or the men or the meadow. Only hear the roaring growls from the thing that had been Jacob and the feel of Edward running from it.

"Did you know?" Edward yelled, and at first I didn't register the fact that he was speaking at all. It was a desperate shout...and it was directed at me.

"What?" I cried, trying to lift my head to face him but his hold on me was too strong.

"Did you know that he—"

He cut off as he spun us both around, one arm coming loose from its clutch and clawing at the wolf that had been right behind us.

The Jacob-thing snapped and those long...too long…teeth sank into Edward's hand. There was a terrible scraping noise like fingernails on blackboard—and Edward's hand was ripped from him.

That's when I heard the yelling. A booming war cry coming from our right. I heard the crunching and snap of trees bending to the yell-thing's will as it barreled toward us.

Emmett broke through the trees at startling speed, roaring viscously. His eyes fixed on the Jacob-wolf-thing, which still held Edward's hand in its mouth.

The animal cast the hand to the ground and let out a short howl. I turned to follow the wolf's gaze, to see what it was howling at….but we were running again. Edward had me tightly to him with one arm, the other—the handless one—he held away from us, as if he did not want me to even see it. We broke through the trees this time and Edward glided and darted through them. I struggled against his firm hold, trying to see what was happening to Emmett and the Jacob-thing. I peeked over Edward's bouncing shoulder and saw that there were now two giant wolves in the meadow fighting Emmett. One a light grey and the other a deep brown. But not the russet one. Not the Jacob one.

Edward turned sharply, avoiding a tree, and I heard him curse under his breath. His growling started again; deep in his chest with such ferocity it vibrated against me.

Finally, he swung around, the force of it pushing me harder into his stone chest- _I'll break a rib_, I thought absently. When I looked up, the russet wolf was there, half-hidden by surrounding trees, only it was too wide and unnatural to blend in.

Somewhere in there, was Jacob. He had split into fur and mass and teeth, but the eyes of the _Kadi-do_ remained the round brown eyes of my friend. My Jacob.

"Stop," I said and felt Edward's body tense at the sound of my voice, "Stop this. Before one of you gets hurt."

"Listen to her, Jacob Black," Edward growled, "Your brothers are losing a battle against only one of mine. You might be stronger than them, but I assure you, you are not as strong as you need to be to take what you want."

The wolf barked and, crazy as it was, it sounded like a laugh. A very cocky, Jacob-like laugh. Then it pawed at the dirt, scraping up leaves and roots with it, and stepped closer.

"Are you really in there, Jake?" I said, and heard the waver of uncertainty in my voice.

The Jacob-thing snorted air through its two huge nostrils in response and lunged for us.

Edward was fast; throwing me from him before Jacob's paws even left the floor. I tumbled hard to the ground, my head and back smacking against a tree. A crack split down my nose and knew it was broken. Warm blood gushed down my lips and chin and I had to tilt my head to keep it from drowning me.

The tumult was all around me. Loud, echoing sounds of branches snapping and cracking, teeth chomping, flesh tearing, and cries from the wolf.

"No!" I tried to shout, but it came out gargled from all the blood. I spat a mouth full of red, metal smelling gunk and almost threw up from the sight of it.

_Stop it_, _Bella_. _Stop it right now and save their lives. They'll kill each other if you don't._

Steeling myself, I rolled onto my side. Every bone and muscle in my body seemed to scream in protest and I had a sudden déjà vu feeling of when I had fallen off of Jacob's motorcycle. This was worse. I had a broken nose, a mouth full of blood and God-knows what else. I also had some kind of vampire/beast battle of the ex-boyfriends going on mere feet away from me.

Ignoring the fuzzy, lightheaded feeling that was now creeping over me, I lifted myself onto my elbows. I looked around, trying to locate them…trying to find Jacob, to make sure he was still alive.

"Jake," I breathed then spat again. This time there was less blood and it gave me short-lived relief.

There was that scraping sound again—_nails on a blackboard_—from behind me. And I winced, knowing that something else had been torn from Edward. Then I heard him speak, in short gasps of breath.

"Don't, Jacob. Don't do it. I will have no choice."

A wail now came from the wolf, painful and hollow.

"Stop!" I cried, digging my hands into the earth and pushing myself up to my knees. "Stop!"

Edward appeared next to me, but not with his usual speed. He was on the ground beside me, one hand—the one that was still left—touched lightly to my face. I looked down and saw that he was also missing a leg.

"Edward!"

But he was back up again, crouching over me as the wolf charged us. I ducked my head into my arms to dodge the impact. The wolf smacked into Edward, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

I watched them…Jacob clawing and biting at Edward; Edward holding back the enormous muzzle with controlled force…and realized that Edward was trying not to hurt Jacob. Not unless he had to, anyway. He was only trying to get Jacob away from him, long enough to get me out of here, perhaps. But Jake was attacking to kill. And what Edward had meant when he spoke just before "_I will have no choice_" was that he wouldn't hold back much longer. He would have no choice but to kill Jacob to end the fight and get me to safety.

Grabbing onto the tree that had broken my nose, I pulled myself up again. There was a sudden swoon of nausea and dizziness but I pushed it away. I knew what I had to do to. I had to get through to the one who was irrational with rage and who would rather die than let the other win.

I had to get Jacob to listen to me.

"Jake!" I called but nothing happened. I took a gulp of breath and called louder to him. Knowing what he wanted. "Jake, I'll go with you. I'll go with you! Just stop fighting!"

The wolf whipped its head to the sound of my voice and those brown Jacob-eyes held mine for the slightest of seconds. Edward used that moment to push the thing off of him.

"Bella, don't," Edward said, making a swipe at the wolf as it sprinted towards me.

If he hadn't already lost a hand and a leg, Edward would have surely made it to me before the wolf. But he was too slow and cried out in anger as Jacob ducked his muzzle under my chest and lifted me onto his own broad, furry back.

The Jacob-thing howled once and turned back to Edward, baring its teeth at him. Edward was closer now, but still too far to make a lunge at Jake.

"Don't go!" Edward called and I saw the fear in his eyes. It seemed to mirror mine, for I was worried too. I didn't know how much of this animal was still my Jacob inside. I just had to trust it. And to trust Edward to stop fighting for me.

"I need you to both be safe," I breathed, kneading my hands into the tough fur and balling my fists around it. "Don't come after me. Please." I felt a sharp pang in my chest as I spoke, "Let _me_ leave this time."

Edward stopped, his eyes heavy and dark, and I knew he was remembering the night he had left me in the woods alone. When he had told me I could not go with him. The memory was poison that stopped him dead in his tracks.

The wolf snorted loudly, again with that caustic Jacob-like sound. Then it swung its giant head to the direction of the meadow and barked once before turning back to Edward, who nodded grimly in return.

_It's like they're having a conversation_, I thought, and then wondered if Edward could read Jacob's mind when he was inside of the wolf.

Edward's eyes stayed locked on mine as he spoke in a dead, toneless voice.

"Emmett, stand back. Let the shifters heal their wounds." Then to me he added, "Remember what I said, Bella, that I _need_ to be near you."

With that the wolf beneath me lurched and I threw myself against its back to keep from falling. It ran now. Its gait swift and hard. I turned my face, fur bristling against my cheek, and saw Edward standing there looking empty and left behind. I imagined that was how I had once looked. Six months ago when all the light in my life went out.

I cried the entire way. Sobbing into the fur that was between my clenched fists until there was no breath left in me and what came out was only a rattling sound.

The thing under me took no notice. It only ran at its steady speed towards our destination. Although I did not care where it would bring me -where _he_ would bring me—I knew it as if it had all been predetermined. Was this fate too? I wondered. Just as I had been destined to be on the soft green grass of the meadow, was I meant to go with Jacob where Edward and Emmett could not follow? The place where Jacob and I had last been close. His home.

.

* * *

.

When the Jacob-thing finally skidded to a halt, I half expected him to crouch down so I could slide off easily, like Emmett had done. But, no, the beast shook me off with such urgency I fell to the ground- taking fistfuls of russet fur with me.

"Ow!" I cried and staggered up to a sitting position, wiping off the dirt that become caked to my face with blood.

Two things happened at once. The Jacob-wolf-bear-beast thing shuddered… a wave rippling down its spine…and Jacob Black in the flesh—and _only_ flesh—was standing in front of me. And a large man with short cropped hair burst from the front door of Jacob's house, leaping over the railing to get to us.

"Jacob!" he called and I recognized him as Sam Uley. He was dressed in denim shorts that hung loosely at his hips. He was barefoot and shirtless and the notion struck me as odd that Sam would be dressed so casually at someone else's house. Then again, he didn't seem to be phased by the fact that I was there, a dirt muddled bloody mess, and Jacob was fully in the nude.

Sam was not able to get another word in before Jacob rounded on him.

"I want you at the border!" Jake barked in a strange commanding voice. It made him sound authoritative and powerful. I noted this, and how Sam was listening, taking orders. I also noticed that Jacob had cropped his hair to the same short style that Sam wore.

_He's a Protector now_, I remembered.

Jacob continued, "Embry and Paul are almost there. I have Jared on his way now to meet them but I want everyone there and on guard."

Sam nodded obediently and with a side-long glance at me asked, "Was it the dark one?"

"No. Our favorite bloodsucking family is back. And don't waste your breath asking me what you're thinking because I really didn't have a lot of time to sit around and pow-wow with the leeches about the dark one." Jacob's lips curled around his gritted teeth, "I had business to take care of."

Sam's eyes twitched to me.

"I see."

"Just get to the border. Make sure our brothers are healed properly. If you need to, reset any bones. Give Embry a little longer... the big dumb one nearly gutted him. It won't be long before the Cullens try to cross the border. We've got what they want." Jacob's eyes narrowed. "If they break the treaty, it's war. I want those fucking leeches dead."

"No!" I shouted, "Jacob, don't!"

He didn't even look at me. He gave a curt nod to Sam, who stole a final glance in my direction before darting towards the trees…his back rippling.

Then Jake wheeled toward me.

"How long has _he_ been here? Tell me! How long have you and him been—" his teeth mashed together, closing off his question, too enraged to finish it.

"We haven't," I said, hoping this would answer whatever Jacob had wanted to ask, "We're not anything."

Jake cursed loudly, his fists clenching and releasing over and over at his sides. Then he turned his back to me and started walking.

"Wait!" I called, "Stop!"

He spun at this.

"What? What do you want? Let me guess, you want me to call off my pack? To let your bloodsucking boyfriend penetrate our land and steal you out from under me? Well you can kiss that the fuck goodbye. You heard me. I want them dead. I want to light the match myself and watch them turn to ash."

Jacob waited for me to answer, but I said nothing.

"You don't have a fucking clue what's going on, do you? That this runs deeper than before you were even born. Before me, or my father, before any of us. You saw what I am, Bells. You can thank the Cullens for turning me into that thing."

He spat the words at me. Whether or not he meant them to hurt me didn't matter. Because they did. But I willed myself to hold onto one word he had said. _Bells_. His nickname for me. He had called me Bells, like he had done when he had once loved me.

"And what is that?" I asked, "What are you, Jake? The super-bear? A Protector? Part of Sam's gang?"

He snorted loudly and sneered.

"I'm all of it."

"Than you're a killer too," I said, "Murdering innocent people."

"_What_?" Jacob growled and he sounded again like the thing in the woods.

"It's in the paper. The super-bears are killing people! Except it's not bears—it's you and your wolf gang! Geez, Jacob, what have you turned into?"

"I haven't killed anyone," he hissed, "But nice to know you see me that way. Guess I'm not the right kind of monster for you, Bells."

_Bells_ again. I held tighter to it. He was in there somewhere. My Jacob.

"I don't care what you are!" I shouted desperately, "Just what you've done. And what you're going to do!"

"I do what I need to do to protect my tribe!" he bellowed. Then he stopped, letting his face fall and the deep crease in his forehead smooth.

And he added "And you. _Always_ _you_."

His eyes caught mine and for a minute we only looked at each other. The warm sun beat down and was met by a cool breeze coming from the beach. It caught in my hair and whirled it around my face. I didn't bother with brushing it aside. I let it swirl and twist in the wind until it died down.

That moment seemed to last a long time. Jacob's words hanging in the air. I didn't know how to move on from this stretched out moment between us. Where questions surrounded us, unspoken and demanding to be answered.

"Jake," I whispered and reached out to touch him but then stopped, recoiling my hand away and feeling the blood rush to my face. "Jacob…" I repeated, and put a hand up to cover my eyes, "Can you, um, put something on? You're, uh, really _naked_."

Jake looked stricken at this and looked down at himself as if he had forgotten that he wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing. Then he surprised me with a burst of satisfying laughter.

"You're still the same," he laughed, shaking his head, "The vital facts don't bother you. You know, like, that I can phase into a wolf? But show Bella Swan a naked body and she has to shield her eyes."

He sighed heavily and his shoulders slumped, but he made no move to try to cover his exposed body. He seemed oddly comfortable that way and a small part of me wondered if he spent a lot of time wandering nude these days. Then I winced, thinking that he probably didn't spend his time in human form these days at all.

"You're nose is bleeding again, you know," he said, the anger gone from his voice.

I instantly put my hand to the tip of my nose and felt a wince of pain. Fresh blood trickled onto my fingers.

"_Ow_."

"Here," Jacob said quietly, "let me fix that."

He moved towards me and I flinched. But Jake only snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Does my naked body bother you that much, Bells?"

I smiled wanly, not wanting to admit that it did. And not for the reason he suspected. But because it brought back memories of his skin against mine. Of warmth and heat and panting against each other in the storm.

I licked my lips.

Jacob approached me and stopped only when he was very close. We were practically toe-to-toe. Then he leaned over –he was _so_ tall now—and put this thumb and forefinger to the sides of my nose.

"Broken, for sure," he murmured, "This is going to hurt, but it's better if it heals the right way instead of all crooked."

I nodded softly. I had forgotten how warm his touch was. It was so different than Edward's perpetual coldness. They were like polar opposites, literally. And now I was feeling long-buried pulls towards each of them.

"Just do it," I whispered and Jake didn't hesitate. A sharp pain shot up my nose and back into my brain with a resounding _crack_ between Jacob's fingers. My eyes welled and I jerked away from him but it was over before I could even cry. Dull soreness spread from my nose to my hairline. I felt tenderly around the spot where Jacob had snapped it, and it felt straighter…not perfect or back to how it had been before…but not broken at least.

Jake was still so close to me. Heat was radiating from his chest to my face and deep inside there was that pull towards him again, making my skin prickle at the thought of it. He was looking down at me, his lips drawn into a tight pout of concentration. I felt his intense stare and was afraid to meet it. What would I find there when I looked up into his deep brown eyes? Anger again? Sadness? As I lifted my eyes to his, they seemed to burn hotter than his skin with something that was not fury or misery. They were…searching. As if he was looking for something that might be inside of me… waiting just for him.

"Jake?" I breathed as his hand moved from my nose to just under my cheek, where he cupped my face.

"I found you," he answered, "I tried to stay away but I ended up finding you."

There was no time to think. His lips pressed to mine with gentle force and I felt his tongue slip between my lips, parting my mouth to let him in. So I did.

He kissed me with those hot lips, brushing his fingertips just under my ear, before wrapping his broad arms around my back and lifting me off of the ground. My muscles ached at the pressure but I didn't care.

Jake pulled me on top of him, shedding my shirt and bra from my body. I felt his hands tug at them and then they were gone. Off somewhere else in another world. I squeezed myself harder to him, flattening my breasts against his bare chest. His heat warmed me from the outside in this time.

He lowered us onto the ground near the side of his house. The grass here was rough and dry and brown. It scratched against my knees as I sat up on Jacob's lap. His lips kissed wet streaks down my neck to the small hollow of my throat. Then his fingers found my hair, combing through it and arching me backwards, pushing my chest into his face. He opened his mouth around my breast and pushed it into his mouth, pulling hard on the nipple as he sucked at it.

I grabbed into his hair—his too short, cropped hair—and pulled his face to mine.

"Just _do_ it," I said. And he responded to it, smiling broadly into my chest while he quickly unbuttoned my corduroys with his hands.

Soon, they too were gone. In a pile on the dry grass with the rest of my clothes. Jake grabbed at my hips, holding them tightly, and lifted me onto him. He was so warm. So familiar. Everything else had changed today. Every part of my world felt upside down. Except for one thing. Except for the way Jacob felt inside me.

Jake moaned and buried his face into my hair, taking gulps of it into his mouth. He cupped my breasts in his hands and held onto them as I pumped my hips in rhythm with his.

Everything felt far away. Our fight, the _Kadi-do_, Edward and the meadow. I felt like I was suspended in time. Nothing mattered. I could let it all go and just do what I wanted in this moment. Lose myself in it. In Jacob.

I smiled against his ear, and ground my hips against him faster.

"Bells," he gasped and scooped me into his arms, taking me off of him in one movement as he pushed himself to the side. He came, keeping his arms around me and his face in my hair. I felt a familiar pulse under his skin and looked down to see that he was shaking.

"What's happening?" I asked urgently, remembering how he had shaken uncontrollably against me that night in his garage, right before he fell to the floor and puked.

"_Shh_," Jake ordered, in the same authoritative tone he had used with Sam, "Don't move. I'm not used to...being with you."

He rumbled in my arms and in a minute soothed to stillness. He sighed then, sitting up. But when he did he was unable to look me in the eye.

"You almost changed just now, didn't you?"

"Yea," he said and wrapped his arms around his knees, tucking himself in, "It pulls at me to phase whenever I'm mad or…excited I guess. I get hot and shaky." He cocked a humorless grin. "You know the first time it happened was after you dumped me? After our fight?"

I looked back at him, shocked. I tried to remember the last time we had spoken. I had screamed at him to leave, telling him I didn't love him. And he had been shaking. Yes, I remembered that. He had even split his lip from it. Then he ran off.

And what had Quil said in the woods two weeks later? That he was here at Jacob's house that day when Jake came back from seeing me. He said Jacob didn't look right and that it had frightened Quil. Well, Quil didn't actually admit to being scared, but it was in his voice. Jacob had come back here, shaking with pain, and phased for the first time.

"Did I do this to you then? Is this my fault?"

"Nah," he said, "Would have happened sooner or later. I guess it just took a strong emotion to turn it on. But it was always in there, waiting for the switch. It's in my blood, Bells. Descendents of Ephraim Black—my great grandfather—have the gene and when…" he trailed off.

"When what?" I asked.

"Do you remember what I told you about the Cold Ones?"

Of course I did. He had been the key to my discovery that Edward was a vampire. But to Jake, I only nodded.

"Well, vampires and shifters- werewolves, whatever you want to call us- they're like mortal enemies. We hunt them because they hunt our kind. Humans, I mean. We're Protectors of the tribe, of the pale faces too. This battle runs deep into the Quileute history. So we're born with the gene to fight if their kind ever threatens our people. When they do, sons of the wolf-spirit get the fever and phase. It happened seventy years ago when the Cullens first came here, and when they came back it was all set in motion again. Being with you though, Bells, I was calm and happy. It kept me from phasing. Without you, I had nothing to fight it off."

He turned away from me, facing towards the woods that nestled beside the small red house.

"I should check on them," he said to himself.

"Wait," I said and put my hand on his arm, "just another minute."

I rubbed the skin of his forearm under my fingers, feeling the tight muscle beneath them and their smoothness. Then I stopped, taking his arm and running it over with my hands. Turning it over and then looking up at his chest. Something was wrong.

"You were injured! In the fight! Where are your wounds, Jake?"

He shrugged, "Wolf-thing," he said plainly. His fingers threaded through mine and he clasped my hand inside of his own. "We heal fast."

He paused, his eyes leaving mine for a second. And I wondered how many "wolf-things" there were that he wasn't telling me. I wanted to ask but when he looked back at me, it was with that searching stare again.

"You feel…different, Bells? About me?"

My stomach flipped. This was not the path I wished our conversation to take but it seemed inevitable. Especially since we were both sitting in each other's arms without one scrap of clothing between us.

"I don't know," I admitted.

"You'd know," he said sharply, "For sure you'd know by now. I thought I would too. Thought it would be different if I saw you after…after I went through the change."

"Another wolf-thing?" I asked, attempting to break the sudden intensity with a joke, but it ended up feeling too much like the truth and my heart sank in fear that it was.

"It doesn't matter," he said, dropping my hand, "I guess I can't love you more than I already do." He stood up, wiping the dirt from his legs.

I felt guilt so deep it was in my bones. He still loved me. After everything I had done to him. Before I had been too broken, too needy, to see it. But I do now. And he deserved an explanation…even if I had no idea what to say.

"Jake, what just happened now…it was—"

"Another mistake?" he asked and I felt the hurt in his voice and cringed.

"No."

The answer came so quickly it took me by surprise. But I wasn't lying. This time didn't bring on that terrible sick feeling like the disaster that was Valentine's Day. I felt confused, maybe a little muddled. But not sick, not as though this was wrong. I didn't know why this was different. But it was.

"Not a mistake," I clarified.

Jake raised his eyebrows at me. From inside the house came the sound of a phone ringing. The both of us ignored it. It trilled three times and then stopped abruptly.

"And that means?"

"It means I don't know! I don't know how I feel anymore about anything. I'm getting pulled in so many directions nothing feels real anymore."

Jake frowned; his hands curled in fists, and fixated his eyes on the woods, looking out to them as if waiting for them to speak.

"Then you'll stay here until you know," he said distractedly, "Where it's safe. Away from _him_."

"Are you really hoping he'll come here and start a war? Because, Jake, I'm _not_ worth it."

"That's up to him, I guess. We'll just have to see how badly he wants you."

"So you're using me as bait, then? That's stupid," I said, "Call off your, uh, pack," the word seemed strange to use, "He won't break the treaty for this. Let me go back and talk to him. Now that-"

"Now that you've fucked me," he spat.

"Jake!"

"What was that, Bella, just now? It was love for me. Just like it was the first time. I already know you want him over me. But you can't just use me for what he can't give you."

"I'm not using you!" I said, "Not this time. This time I wanted you too…it's just that—"

"_This_ time? This time you didn't use me?" he roared, "Care to fucking elaborate Bella?"

"Oh God," I said and covered my face in my hands, "Jake I'm sorry! I never meant to. It was just that…oh God… you brought me back to life after he left. You know? But there was still that one part of me that was gone. This crazy, dead, part of me that was taking over my life. Holding me back from really living. And I thought that…with you…you could—"

"That I could fuck it out of you? Fuck the crazy out of you! Is that it?" he snapped.

"Yes!" I cried, "Exactly that! And I'm sorry for that but it's the truth!"

I put a hand to his shoulder but he shook it off.

"I can't look at you," Jake snarled, putting his hands over his face and pulling at his hair, "I can't get angry near you. Get your clothes on and get in the house!"

I bent to scoop up my scattered clothes when I heard another voice screaming.

"Jacob! Jacob!"

The both of us looked in the direction of the sound. A girl was running towards us calling desperately for Jacob. I threw on my clothes at her approach. I had never seen a girl at Jacob's house before and instantly my stomach sank at the sight of her.

Jacob seemed to recognize her at once. The rippling of his body calmed and he switched into tense alert as he waited for her to come to him.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice regaining that commanding tone.

"I have a message from Sam. Jesus, Jake," she panted, looking from him to me, "I've been trying to call you!"

When she faced me I could clearly see the left side of her face. It was mangled in deep, jagged scars, pulling down on one eye and the side of her mouth.

"Emily," I breathed, recognizing Sam's fiancé from Quil and Embry's description of her after the bear attack.

She gave me a queer look and the turned back to Jacob.

"Listen, Sam says that '_They're here. The treaty is broken_.' Oh God, Jake, it's war isn't it?"

Jacob stiffened at the words, his teeth pulling back into a half-snarl, half-grin.

"Watch her," he ordered Emily, "She's not to leave the res." Then he turned without looking at me and sprinted for the woods. A tremor ran down his spine and I saw russet fur explode into the air as he leaped into the cover of the trees.

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A/N: please comment! Comments make my day.


	11. Chapter 11: Escape

A/N: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. All rights remain with her.

I hope this new chapter was worth the wait. It's a bit short (sorry) and long overdue (double sorry) but I wanted to publish this at least to get BBD moving again. I'm working fervently on Chapter 12 :) A big THANK YOU to DannoCH, who is my beloved beta reader. She has a fantastic DM/HG fic of her own going-so check it out if you're into HP fics.

Please leave a review and let me know if this story still has readers! Thanks and enjoy!

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**Chapter Eleven**

Escape

Without even regarding Emily, I finished buttoning my clothes with maddeningly clumsy fingers while I slammed both feet into my untied boots. Then I broke out into a run towards the road.

Emily cried out a shocked _"Where are you going?" _ and the sound of her running footsteps started behind me. She had no time to recover from her jog to Jacob's house and her exhaustion was apparent in her slow, lagging speed.

_I can outrun her_, I told myself. Emily would tire soon and I could make it to the border. I could stop the war before it started. All I had to do was run.

Except that my side cramped, a stabbing pain that was surely from exhaustion, lack of water, and loss of blood. But I kept pushing on, throwing my legs out in front of me and breathing roughly though my open mouth, not trusting my swollen nose.

"Stop!" Emily gasped. She was slowing. The dulling pain from my nose intensified into a full-blown headache that pounded between my ears. I needed to stop, to rest. But I couldn't, not when everyone I cared about was at risk only miles away.

Then I fell, tripping over my untied shoelaces and diving head first into the dirt. For a moment there was nothing but black darkness swooping over me and weight pressing against my chest, but then I felt two small hands cupped beside my face and blinding sunlight burst through as Emily shook me awake.

She was straddled over me with each knee against my side and sitting directly on my chest.

"Get off!" I bucked beneath her. There was another wild look of shock on her face as she toppled over me. Every inch of my body felt heavy and sluggish but I forced myself back up just as Emily collided with me again, wrapping her arms around my waist and tackling me to the ground.

I had a brief thought of Emmett and how much he would have enjoyed watching Emily and me roll around in the dirt. But he was no longer upholding his vigilance …he was out there risking his life for a war born from spite.

"What are you doing?" I screamed and shoved hard against her.

"Saving your life!" Emily yelled back at me, a look of incredulity on her face as I continued to fight with flailing arms.

"Well, stop!" I pushed hard into Emily's chest while attempting to gain ground with my feet. "Let go of me! I need to get to the border."

She fought to capture my arms in her hands and finally won, steadying my waving arms by pinning them to the ground.

"You won't even make it that far," she said, her voice catching on her gasping breath.

That stopped me. Bracingly, I looked back up at her and let my body fall limp.

"What do you mean?"

She sighed, hanging her head over me so that her hair fell in front of my face.

"This is the wrong time for a war. We need protection. _You_ need protection. Now they're all gone and destroying an alliance when they need to be on guard. And…he stuck me with you."

It was clear that Emily was not speaking to me, but to herself. Something wet dripped onto my cheek and ran down my face.

"Emily?" I asked.

She shook her head, taking one arm away from me to dab her eye.

"Jacob thinks he's keeping you safe here, but leaving you unprotected was just stupid. You want to run to the border? You'll be killed in minutes. I'm surprised the two of us are even still alive. That means he doesn't know yet."

"I don't understand," I said, keeping my voice calm now to balance Emily's unease, "Who are you talking about?"

"The dark one." Emily said and tepidly slid off of me, keeping her hands on my arms but kneeling herself beside my head. "Come on, we should get inside."

She hoisted me back up by the sweater, her eye now watching the trees behind me that Jacob had escaped to. The other eye, the still one, stared blankly forward. Her words repeated in my head. The dark one. The dark one. I had heard it before…but where?

Sam. It was the first question out of his mouth when he came upon Jacob outside the house what now felt like hours ago. '_Was it the dark one?_' I had been too wrapped up in the fight and Jacob's phase to catch it. What had Sam meant by that?

I scrunched my temples with my fingers. _Think, Bella_. What did Jacob tell Sam about the dark one?

He had said that the Cullens were the reason to defend the border, not the dark one. But why? What was this dark one? Why were they so concerned about it? Why….

My heart dropped when the answer came. _You know why._

"The dark one," I started and Emily's shoulders stiffened at my voice, "is another vampire, isn't it?"

I watched her for any sign that I was wrong, praying that I was, and that Emily would just turn around laugh at my idea. But she didn't. When her gaze found it's way back to me she only nodded. Her good eye now locked on mine.

"Yes, he is. Bella, please, this is very important. Do you know him? Is he a friend of the Cullens? Do you know why he is here?"

She spoke steadily but the growing hope in her voice was clear. She thought I had answers. For some crazed reason she thought I would know anything about this dark one. She was wrong.

"No" I shook my head, "I only heard Sam ask Jacob about the dark one when we first came to the reservation. He asked if it was the dark one….but it wasn't; it was Edward we were running from."

I licked my lips anxiously, aware that our surrounding had become increasingly quiet. Just as the woods surrounding my school had been this morning. No birds, no movement, no sound. My heart's beat was starting to rise. The school woods had been hiding Emmett. What were these woods hiding now?

I pulled my attention back to Emily, who was still watching me. "Why do you call him the dark one?"

"Because he looks like us," she said, "Dark hair, dark skin—not white and sparkling. Dark eyes. _Brown_ eyes. Not red or golden like the Cullens. Everything about him is dark. He's like a Cold One we have never known before."

"Brown eyes? Emily that's not possible. Are you sure he's a vampire?"

"_Yes_," she stressed, "We are sure. The pack confirmed that he carries the _scent_ of a Cold One. He moves like one when they've chased him through the woods and…and he kills like one."

The word _kill_ struck me hard like a kick to the stomach. My heart seemed to drop several feet in my body. Not only was there another vampire near Forks, but it was also _killing_. Instantly I thought of Charlie and how terribly vulnerable he seemed out there patrolling for damn super-bears in the open woods with nothing but his rifle to protect him.

Then it hit me… and I shook my head as if I could erase the realization and reality in front of me by doing so.

"The dark one is killing all those people?" I asked soberly, "And everyone thinks it's the super-bear."

Emily nodded.

"And," I breathed, again not wanting it to be true, "And Jacob's pack has been trying to catch him?"

She nodded again and the good side of her face squinted into the sun.

So, Jacob had told me the truth. Of course he had. He could never kill someone like the brutal attacks on these people, even in his wolf-form. His heart was too good for that.

'_I do what I need to do to protect my tribe. And you.'_ Jacob's words echoed._ 'Always you_.'

I turned away from Emily and ran my hands over my face, which suddenly felt very cold despite the warm air. I had been so stupid, believing in a super-bear and using Jacob again and again when all he wanted was to protect me.

"No," I moaned, "Nooo. Oh, Jacob."

The woods ahead of us were still so quiet. I wanted to scream just to break their silence.

"Tell me what you know, Bella. You do know something, right? You run with vampires. You would know if this is some friend of the Cullens or an enemy that's come looking for them." She said this as a statement not a question. And I was sure she was already convinced of it, regardless whether I confirmed it for her or not.

"I don't exactly run with vampires," I said softly. That was another life of mine. Now I ran solo. "But I know this dark one is not with the Cullens. Especially if he's been attacking innocent people." Edward's speech about hunting Victoria proved that if he knew about a vampire's murders so close to Forks, he would have been here to stop them with his own hands.

"An enemy then? Someone that would go looking for the Cullens… find them gone…and then…." She trailed off.

"Then what?" I asked.

"Look," she said quietly, her voice a whisper. "Sam and Jacob believe that the dark one's after something but they can't figure out what it is. The dark one has killed around us five times but still hasn't moved on. He dodges the pack when they track him. He sets traps. The murders…he uses them as a set-up to make it look like it was an animal attack. He _wants_ people to think it's the super-bear so they'll hunt the boys and shoot them…thinking they've just taken down that God damn bear. Once the protection is gone…the dark one can claim what he's really here for."

She paused, raising her eyebrows to me in an expectant way.

"And you know what that is?" I asked. A chill ran up my spine and I turned back to Emily. Her face looked very pale and blank, her eyes glassy.

"Yes," she breathed. "I have a theory. Jacob and Sam refuse to listen to me. But, Bella don't you see it? Avoiding Forks so he's not leading the pack straight to it? Trying to get them killed? There's only one thing around here that would interest a Cold One now that the Cullens are gone…._you_."

I surprised myself. Surely, fear would have been the appropriate emotion to take over me. Another vampire murdering innocent people just to get to me? But it wasn't. It was anger…and it charged through me like a storm.

"Are you serious?" I spat.

Emily's face looked shocked.

"Two people I love are trying to rip each other's throats out and you've got me here on some ridiculous notion that I can give you information on some renegade vampire that's out to get me! This is nothing but a waste of time!"

"It's _not_," Emily gritted her teeth, frustrated, "Bella listen to me."

"No!" I cried, and pushed Emily's reaching hands away from me. "I have nothing to do with this dark one! I didn't even know he existed until two seconds ago. But I know he is not after me. The only vampire that has ever tried to hunt me is dead. And so is his mate. You're just trying to scare me into staying here and obeying Jacob's orders. No one is after me. I need to go, excuse me." I pushed past her but she caught my sleeve in her hand.

"Jacob took Embry and Paul this morning to track a vampire scent they picked up at your house. It was _his_ scent."

I rolled my eyes.

"That wasn't the dark one they were tracing!" I groaned, "They must have picked up Edward's scent. He was at my house last night. They followed it all the way to the meadow from there, I guess."

I went to turn but Jacob's voice filled my head for a second time. "_I tried to stay away, but I found you_." It must have been quite the surprise for him, thinking he was hunting another vampire for my benefit and then coming upon Edward and me together in the meadow. Another pang of guilt. Another way that I had come to hurt Jacob.

"I see," Emily said, and I realized what she was probably thinking of me in that moment. Edward at my house last night, Jacob and me in the grass in the nude. I wasn't proud of it myself but I had enough of Emily's opinions for the day.

"Look," I said, "I appreciate the concern. Maybe this dark one really is out there, but he hasn't killed in Forks. He's not after me."

"He's not killing in Forks _because_ he's after you. Bella, just think this through. He doesn't want the pack to know what he's after. So he kills in a perimeter around you. Use your head!"

"That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm getting the hell out of here so I can stop anyone else from dying. You can stay here or come with me but I'm leaving."

It was if I hadn't spoken.

"He is after you, I know it," Emily muttered, not really to me but to herself, "And now that the pack and the Cullens are distracted with the fight, he's going to try to get you."

"Emily…you're being irrational. Look around; do you see him? Jacob wouldn't leave me if he thought I was in danger."

"Jacob doesn't know this is all because of you!" she screamed, "He's blind when it comes to you. Don't you know that? Look at him now—risking his life and those of his brothers just to keep you away from the Cullens."

"That's why I want to leave! To save his life!"

"And throw away your own?"

"If that's what it takes!" I screamed, knowing it was the truth.

Emily cried out, throwing her hands up in the air and then cupping them to her face. She was crying again, but it was different than before. This was guttural sobs from within and when she spoke again her voice cracked from the hysteria.

"Sometimes it's worse!" she bawled, "Sometimes you don't die; you get hurt so badly that you feel like you did. And you have to see the guilt in his eyes every day because he didn't protect you. Sometimes it's worse. Sam did this to me, not some stupid bear like we've been saying. We were too close… trying to….and he…he phased. I was stupid, thinking I could be that close to him when he was so new. And I wear the scars everyday but what hurts the most is seeing Sam suffer the guilt. It is crushing. If something happens to you—how will Jacob feel? Huh, Bella? Tell me that."

"Stop," I snapped, attempting Jacob's authoritative voice and getting nowhere. Emily only started tugging ferociously at me, "Stop trying to talk me out of it."

"For your own good!" She said and pulled me toward Jacob's red house. Emily was older than me, stronger. Her nails dug into the skin of my wrist in sharp biting crescents as she dragged me across the dead grass.

Again, I thought of Charlie. But this was long ago. Years back before paranormal beings were ever a part of my existence. I was just a kid, playing with Jacob's sister Rachel on my summers off. Charlie had been there, watching us, and when one of the reservation boys had gotten too rough with me, Charlie had taken me aside and instructed me on how to throw a punch. I could hear his words now, clear as crystal in my head as Emily reached the porch steps.

_Now what you want to do Bells, is get a strong foothold on the ground. Your feet should be planted apart, but stable, with your back leg supporting most of your weight. _

Emily pulled frantically to get me up the stairs and I stumbled into her arms, seizing her shirt to keep me from falling to the ground.

_Then you curl your fist, make sure to tuck the thumb or you'll break it. _

My fingers sprawled across Emily's torso, clambering to bring myself upright again.

_You push off with your back leg to get the weight, swivel the torso and extend the arm. That's all there is to it. Now if that boy or anyone gives you a problem—makes you do something you don't want to do—you tuck your thumb and swing like hell._

Emily took the last step to the house as I wildly tried to gain footing. I felt my feet plant themselves to the earth and I leaned into my right leg to support me. My hand curled tightly around my thumb just as I threw it out in front of me, my fist colliding with Emily's face.

She screamed, her hand releasing me and flying to her cheek as I pulled back. She skidded over the step and went tumbling down the stairs before rolling heavily onto the ground.

"You hit me," she moaned, clutching her face in her hand, "You actually fucking hit me."

I stood frozen at the top of the stairs. Pain exploded into my fist, tingling and numbing my arm straight through the shoulder. I hadn't realized how hard I had hit her. Bluish swells were already starting to bloom on her cheek.

I looked down at her on the brown grass. The view was different from here on the porch. Higher. Taller.

"You tried to stop me," I said and jumped the stairs, my boots smacking into the dirt as I landed.

Emily cried out again but I left her behind. I had only one goal and getting there as soon as possible was key. My hand throbbed as I ran and I cradled it against my chest. My eyes were locked on the tiny shed across the lawn and I sprinted faster.

_Come on. Be there. Just be there,_ I pleaded.

The door to the shed was open and I burst through it. And there it was…as if it had been waiting for me all along.

My bike. The shiny red motorcycle Jacob had constructed for me out of scrap metal was leaning on its kick stand in the center of the shed. Its twin, Jacob's black one, was long gone. It belonged to Quil now. But here my bike remained, looking new and powerful. By the look of it, Jacob had kept his word—he never rode again after my fall. The bike had obviously still been cared for, though, as a worn rag lay on the ground beside a can of wax polish and a half empty bottle of Gatorade. Jake was still keeping the bike in pristine condition.

I dove for the Gatorade, overwhelming thirst taking precedent over getting the hell out of there. I unscrewed the lid, ignoring the fact that the drink had a tainted stench of polish and oil. How long had it been sitting in here? It didn't matter. I poured it down my throat and it tasted divine.

When the bottle was completely drained, and my throat eased in gratitude, I tossed it to the side. Emily's voice was still crying out but seemed closer now. _Was she still coming for me?_

I didn't even give myself time to think. Jacob's keys were splayed on the work bench against the wall and I went right for them, jamming the shortest key into the ignition and throwing my leg over the seat.

_Sorry Charlie_, I thought. Didn't I swear to never ride this thing? He could add it to the list of promises I had broken today.

The engine came to life and that familiar purr rumbled beneath me. It would be just like riding with Jake, I told myself. Except that I was driving. And I needed to hold on this time.

"What's that noise? Bella?" Emily's voice called. I pushed her out of my thoughts.

_Think, Bella. How the hell do you drive this thing?_

My memory strained as I tried to recall Jacob during one of our afternoons in this very shed. He had been cleaning some metal part of the bike with an oily towel and thought it would be a good idea to quiz me on parts of the motorcycle.

'_Clutch?' _He had said. And I had grinned, pointing to the spot on the bike where I knew the clutch to be.

"Clutch." I said aloud, yanking on the same piece.

'_Gas?'_

"Gas." I twisted my hand and the engine growled.

'_This one's important. Brakes?'_

Yes, that one was very important. I grasped the brake bar with my left hand.

"Brakes."

I did another mental check of the motorcycle's key points and then leaned into the bike to lift it off the side stand, then kicked it up with my foot.

"Edward give me strength," I whispered to myself and placed my feet on the pedals as the bike took off.

Miraculously, I managed to remain atop as the bike belted out of the tiny shed and bypassed Emily, who was only feet from the door, her right cheek swollen and red. Then she was gone; I twisted my head around to see her become a lone dot in the horizon behind me. The bike hit the pavement of the road to the border and I was grateful for making it this far.

My hair was whipping about…going everywhere. Getting in my face and in my eyes. I cursed myself for not knotting it behind me.

The La Push landscape blurred past me as I rode, trees flew by and passing cars honked. My hands shook in their death grip on the handle bars as I watched the speedometer pass 70. It felt like lightning. A speed matched by my heart which was going wild in my chest.

_Fix this. You can fix this. Just get to the border and find them._

If I find Edward first, I decided, I get him and Emmett the hell off Quileute land. He'll see that I'm fine and maybe the treaty can still remain intact.

And Jacob. What if I find him first? _Then I tell him_, I thought. I tell him I'm sorry. Never got around to saying it to the one person who needed to hear it. And I'd tell him I was stupid. So fucking naïve. Stopping one fight to start another. Making love to Jake when I knew…when I knew I wanted Edward.

I'd tell them both, I conceded. They both need to hear it.

The feeling that something was behind me crept steadily up my back, raising the hairs on my neck and sending tingling sensation through my chest. I clutched the gas a little firmer and felt the bike pick up momentum as I pushed to 80mph. The feeling did not subside. It only crawled, silent and stealthy, around me.

I stole a quick glance behind me and saw nothing but quiet road left in my wake. There was nothing, but the feeling remained. Something was following me and didn't want to be seen.

There was a bend in the road ahead, and I braced the bike to take it smoothly. To my right there was nothing but clear valley that I knew to lead to First Beach. Staying on the road was my quickest route to the border and meant I'd have to stay in plain view of whatever was stalking me.

I pulled my handles to the left, preparing to take the bend but in an instant there was a blur of black in front of me—like streaking smoke. I swerved right to avoid it, nearly toppling over in my sudden change of direction. The bike jumbled from pavement to dirt as it veered off road. Then the blur was gone.

_What the hell was that_? I thought, and slowed my bike to get back onto the road.

_The thing that's following you. You know that. You know exactly what it is._

"No," I whispered and steered the bike around but the blur reappeared, swooshing past me and blocking the road in front of me. I turned right again to avoid hitting the darkness and it vanished once more.

It was clear that this black blur of a thing was not just following me. It was herding, keeping me off the path to the border and leading me to where it wanted to go. I hit the gas hard and the bike responded with a deafening roar as my hair flew behind me from the speed.

_Alright,_ I thought. _Let's see where you're taking me._

I drove on, never losing the prickling sensation that the black blur was behind me. My mind didn't really think of the blur as an _it_ by the time I came upon our destination and brought the motorcycle to a halt. I knew in every bone that this was a _him_.

I hopped off the bike, jumping from it in time to see it crash to the ground. It would be impossible for me to lift it now and ride away. Not that I would get far.

"We meet again, pet."

The voice was smooth with the slightest French lilt. I knew that voice. Oh God, I knew that voice.

Salty air swept past me, cool and chilling on my hot skin. We were at the First Beach cliff, the highest point of the reservation. Below us, crashing waves of the ocean. He had led me here knowing I would have no way to escape. Which meant that Emily had been right.

I turned to face the voice and inevitably my own death.

"So, Laurent," I said, "You're the dark one."

* * *

A/N: Excuse any ignorance on motorcycle parts. I neither own nor ride one but I'm pretty sure they have these pieces. ;)


	12. Chapter 12: Protection

I do not own Twilight and do not claim any rights.

A/N: Trying to get back on a regular posting schedule. Hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you to my beta reader DannoCH, she rocks.

Reviews make Edward growl, so leave one!

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* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

Protection

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Laurent smiled, showing bright white teeth and I cringed.

"Is that what those mutts are calling me?" He asked, amused. His face held a sociable smile as he stepped closer to me. I responded by jumping backward away from him, trying to get as much distance between us as possible, even if it meant I was closer to the edge of the cliff.

"Be careful, pet," Laurent crooned, "That's dangerous. You could get yourself hurt."

"I think I'll take my chances."

I had to shout to be heard. The sound of the waves crashing was deafening. If I screamed, would anyone hear? Would it matter? Laurent would have me dead before the scream left my lips.

He chuckled lightly and tucked his hands into the pocket of his straight denim pants.

"We'll see. You have already proven yourself to be wrong today. Your friend warned you that I would come, but you had to be the hero."

"You were watching me?" I asked, feeling sick to my stomach at the idea, "How long?"

"Oh, I arrived as soon as I sensed the wolves had assembled at the border. What a perfect opportunity for me! That alpha is a foolish one, to leave you exposed with just another human girl. But then, he did not know what I truly wanted all this time. You see, pet, I spent days trying to get to you, but those pesky little dogs were always in my way."

He halted in front of my fallen bike, bent over, and placed his hands around the motorcycle.

"Don't touch that!" I shouted, jealously flaring. I didn't want his hands on anything of mine…or Jacob's.

"No need to get hysterical," Laurent said, propping the bike up on its kickstand, "I'm simply setting it right. I wouldn't harm such a thing of beauty."

I eyed him as he leaned against the bike. Laurent was toying with me, delaying whatever outcome he was planning— he would either murder me here or take me with him. Well, I was going to put up a fight…no matter how short-lived it might be.

"What do you want from me?" I said, my voice carrying over the sound of the ocean.

Laurent grinned wider. "My dear, I merely wanted to chat. Just as we are now."

"Bullshit."

His eyes widened in surprise and he drawled on in condescending glee. "The mouth on you! You were not nearly this enchanting during our last encounter." He was enjoying every moment of this…and that frustrated me to no end.

"I must say, pet, that I was fascinated to hear that you were still alive and well. I was even more intrigued when I discovered that James had been murdered by that boy that seems so fond of you. And here I thought James was unstoppable. Silly me."

His burgundy eyes flickered with something I could not place, but it was eerie the way he spoke of James' death. They had traveled together as a coven. Could Laurent really be so casual over the death of his friend?

"I thought you were with the Denali clan?" I asked.

He waved his hand to the side as if to dismiss the question. His olive skin glittered in the sunlight. "I was- and quite satisfied there at the time. They were, however, quite like your boy's coven. Vegetarian," he grimaced as if the word tasted bad on his tongue. "Irina was welcoming enough, although keeping the illusion of adhering to their diet was tiring."

He pursed his lips, shrugging again and leaning further into the bike. I watched the sun's light fleck and sparkle on his skin with each movement.

"The illusion," I repeated, my eyes narrowing on his skin, "The pack calls you the dark one because they say your skin is dark, not pale, and doesn't shimmer in the sun. And your eyes…they said they are brown."

"And what do you see?" Laurent asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I see you as I did that first day, as a vampire. With red eyes."

At this, Laurent laughed and clapped his hands together.

"Brilliant," he said, "Spectacularly brilliant. I had been told you hold power."

It must have been obvious that I had no idea what he had meant by _power_. I only blinked back at him as a response, so he continued.

"Irina liked to talk when we were alone. I casually inquired about the coven here and she told me all I wanted to know. That boy of yours, Edward? He can read minds. All but yours. Yet, you are still susceptible to the others' powers: Alice and Jasper's. Naturally, I wondered about my own. You do have something, don't you, that prevents you from seeing what I want you to see?"

Laurent lifted himself elegantly off of the bike. He took a few small steps in my direction and then spun on his heel, watching our surroundings.

With his back turned to me, I inched myself closer to the ledge.

He turned back, making a show of shutting his eyes and then opening them again. His blood red irises stared back at mine, waiting. "And now?"

I shivered in the cool air. The crashing waves were so loud, the breeze so cold, I didn't like being up there, feeling like the slightest gust of wind would blow me into the water.

"Still red," I answered.

His lips twitched upward, but he caught himself quickly and plastered his friendly smile back onto his face.

"I control how others perceive my physical appearance. A mind power, if you will. If I want to appear human, as I have when the wolves have seen me, I matte my skin and darken my eyes. It was simple enough to convince Irina that I was abstaining from my natural diet while in her company. All I had to do was let her see my eyes as her same golden amber. She never knew how I truly nourished my thirst. It is a gift that serves me well. How convenient for me to blend in with my prey; go out in the daylight and walk among them…lure them to be alone with me before the feed. It was my most appealing trait when James requested I join his clan. With my gift, we never went thirsty." Laurent's voice lowered. "But it appears that your mind is capable of blocking me out. You see what I am, not what I show you. It is fascinating and… alluring."

His last word bothered me the most. The way Laurent was looking at me now was not the way he would look at his next meal, but something akin to admiring a trinket of extreme value.

I took another step back. Laurent's eyes were captured in mine. He seemed unable to look away as he walked steadily forward.

"I had wondered how you, a simple human, could enthrall an entire coven. They fought for you. They killed for you. And not just James. No, I learned that Victoria had also met her end through her efforts to find you. I wondered…what could be so special about this human? This _pet_." He said the word slowly, letting the 't' linger on his lips. "But you _are_ captivating, aren't you? Just a human, and yet you escaped from James, who could track any victim he wished, entrapped Victoria, who could evade any predator, and you see through my tricks and smoke."

"I..." I started, trying to think quickly while inching myself further away from him, "I didn't do any of those things. Edward went after James and Victoria. He's the reason they're dead, not me. He is the powerful one and…and he will not be happy to hear that you're back. He'll go after you."

Laurent shook his head slyly.

"_He_ is at the border, wasting his efforts on those dogs. All who have tried to keep you safe are gone. What a perfect example of irony. They are fighting over your safety and I am going to murder you right under their noses. On their very land, no less."

"M-murder?" I cried. My mind clicked into overdrive—trying desperately to search for any possible scenario in which I could escape, but there were none. I could attempt to run past Laurent and get to the bike—but that was impossible. Or I could jump from the cliff and try to survive the crashing waves below.

"Well your human life will certainly be over. But your new life! That will only just begin. Yes, I can see the appeal of a shield for a mate."

"_What?_" I screamed, the word _mate_ reverberating horribly in my head.

"A protector," Laurent whispered, "You clearly possess a power to shield from others' gifts and attacks. And to think, you are only just human now. Once you are turned, the possibilities of your gift…why, they could be very beneficial to me. Oh, don't look so upset. You will enjoy your knew life. And you will enjoy me. I am an excellent mate."

He was near me now, a few more steps and he could simply wrap his long fingers around my shoulders. The image of Laurent's bright white teeth sent shivers up my spine. He would just lean in…and that would be it. I checked the ground behind me, but my feet were already at the end of the cliff. One more step and I would fall.

"Oh, God."

"Shh," Laurent said, "I will make it painless for you. Give me your hand."

I wanted to scream at him or spit or kick or curse his damned soul, but I knew better than to give myself away. So I looked up into his true burgundy eyes and nodded, reaching out my hand.

A flicker of a smile appeared on Laurent's face but I didn't get to see it fully form. Instead I stepped back one last time and felt my feet leave ground as I fell from the cliff.

I heard Laurent's offended scream pierce the sky and then drown out as the open air whipped around me. I was plummeting to the water fast.

The wind twisted me around, tampering with my sense of balance, and flipping me over so I knew neither up nor down nor which way was right. Screaming, I crossed my hands over my chest and tried to clamp my legs together so when I hit the water it would be a straight dive.

I inhaled just in time. The second my lips shut around my last breath of air my feet broke the surface and icy water swallowed me whole.

My body was like a missile plunging into the depths of the ocean. I tried to tell myself _Up! That way is UP!_ And opened my eyes to see murky darkness as I spread out my limbs to swim my ascent.

That's when the current hit me, jerking me back and forth between each rippling wave of black water. I struggled, my tired arms and legs climbing and clamoring to break the surface once more—only this time to breathable air.

My face emerged from the water gasping and sputtering to fill my lungs with something other than saltwater. Another wave came immediately, and I ducked under it, letting it ride above me. I tried my best to swim with the current but each wave continued to fight over which direction to turn and I ended up just diving and paddling to keep myself afloat among the tumult.

A great splash came from only feet away from me, water spouting up as whatever had dove into the water crashed beneath the surface.

Laurent. Coming after me and deciding he was up for a swim after all.

I yelped, throwing my arms in front of me and attempting something that resembled a breaststroke. Only it had been years since I had swam at all, and with the current and the growing terror that Laurent would seize my legs at any second, I was getting no where. Hysterical tears had begun to run down my face.

There was no way to outswim Laurent, or any vampire I would imagine. He would capture and turn me into his bloodsucking mate and then his personal bodyguard after that by the sound of it. That was _not_ the eternal life I had wanted or would ever want. I would be a monster, protecting Laurent and killing humans, as I'm sure he would more than encourage the inevitable newborn cravings for human blood.

Then there was really only one thing to do. The realization of it brought more tears to my eyes and I cried heavily into the water. I was going to have to drown myself. If I died in time, Laurent couldn't change me and I'd be gone. No mate. No shield.

That was the answer.

I dove head first, working my arms to get as deep into the water as possible before any stroke of instinctual will to live prevented my suicide.

But I was too late. Thin fingers closed around my ankle and I jerked wildly to get them off. They closed securely around me. I squeezed my eyes shut and thought of Charlie and Renee and how I would never see them again and started gulping mouthfuls of water into my lungs.

He was pulling me upward toward air but I didn't give up. I struggled and swallowed as much water as I could before everything went black. Then there was nothing left to work for.

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...

I never thought much about the human soul until my eighteenth birthday, when Edward had confided that he thought himself to be soulless. I had dismissed it, of course, because no creature that lovely could be damned. Edward was too wonderful. So far from sin.

So then what was to become of me? Suicide is a sin, and in this darkness that I know to be death…I can't help but feel as though I should be in hell. I had escaped Laurent after all, and would not become the demon he wished to create. So there was that one saving grace. But I took my own life…surely I would have to suffer for that in the ever after?

Except this didn't feel much like eternal damnation. This felt...like heaven. It was warm and safe, like dreamless sleep…and every once in a while I'd hear him. Edward.

Not the Voice that had mocked my loneliness months ago. This Edward brought no pain. It was comfort beyond belief to hear his whisper of a voice surround me. Say my name, murmur sweet things.

This couldn't be hell if I could hear Edward.

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* * *

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"_Bella."_

Hmm.

"_Bella, love."_

Mmmm.

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* * *

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Something cool was touching me and I twitched my nose in dislike. The feather-light touch returned but this time to my hair, combing lightly through it with long fingers.

I just wanted sleep, but this touch was persistent. It reached the ends of my hair and then returned to the crown, repeating its trail over and over. It was…annoying me.

I wrinkled my nose again and, as if I knew I could do it all along, parted my lips and spoke.

"Mmm. Stop it."

"Bella!" his voice was sharp with surprise, "Bella! You're awake!"

My eyes squinted together tightly, not wanting these words to be true. But, yes, I did feel awake. Cloudy and semi-sick-like, but awake.

"I know," I muttered and heard the sound of my own rattling voice this time. It sounded like death. Which reminded me…"Am I still dead?"

A soft chuckle of relief.

"No. No, love, you're not dead. You were never dead."

I opened one eye to see him and give him a skeptical look. Not dead? He hadn't been there.

Bright light streamed around him, but there he was. The perfect outline of his face hovered close to mine and he was smiling crookedly but with apparent delight. His fingers went back to my hair.

"You're awake," he repeated and lowered his face to mine. I could feel the coolness of his skin before it even touched me.

But then another voice interrupted from behind Edward, high-pitched and trilling. Edward raised himself away from me and the coolness was gone again.

"Can I see her now, Edward? I am the one that saved her after all."

My eyes darted to the direction of her voice, excitement building rapidly in my chest. It couldn't be…could it?

"She needs rest, not bothersome chit-chat," Edward growled.

"Move out of the way," she chimed, and a small pearly hand nudged Edward's shoulder out of my line of sight.

"Alice," I croaked and felt Edward's hands gather at my head as I tried to lift it.

"She's weak," he hissed at his sister.

"She's not weak. She got away from Laurent, didn't she? She survived jumping off a cliff! She rode a motorcycle," her smile was widening as she came into view, "Bella is not weak."

I wanted to hug her, but my better judgment told me to keep movement to a minimum.

"You know what I meant. She nearly drowned."

"But thanks to me she didn't," Alice said boastfully and scooted herself onto the bed beside me. "Just in time. You know, Bella, you could have decided a little sooner that you were going to jump from that cliff. I only just made it."

I grinned back at her, taking her all in. Her petite frame and designer clothes, which she must have changed into after saving me, the flecks of light dancing on her skin and her…

"Alice!" I gasped, "Your eye!" I sat up quickly, swaying a bit to the side. Edward righted me in a second but I took no notice. A hot pink eye-patch, the exact color of her top, was draped over Alice's left eye.

"Yes," she said, touching her fingers lightly to the patch, "Laurent put up a fight. If only he had _meant_ to take the eye! I would have seen it; but this was the unfortunate result of his backswing." She sighed. "I wish I could go after it. It's still on wolf territory though and I doubt they'd deliver. Oh, stop." She added to Edward, since had been growling at Laurent's name.

"What happened?" I asked, "Laurent had me. He grabbed my foot in the water and he-."

"That was me," Alice said, shaking her head, "Here I had lost and eye for you and you were kicking me to get away."

"Are you bothering my patient, Alice?" a smooth voice spoke from the doorway.

It was then I realized where I was. Sunlight was streaming in from multiple windows around us in a large, white room where medical equipment lined the walls. I was lying in a bed in the Cullen house and, from what I could tell, four of them were here with me. Yet only one bore any physical signs of battle.

Carlisle walked up beside where Edward was standing. Alice took my hand in hers and squeezed lightly before hopping off the bed, allowing Carlisle to get within diagnostic distance of me.

"Hello again, Bella," Carlisle said warmly, reaching into his coat pocket and procuring a thermometer.

"Wait," I said, holding my hand up and blocking Carlisle from inserting the thermometer into my mouth. "What is going on? When did you all get back? Where is Laurent? Alice, are you crazy? You fought him all on your own? And the wolves…the war…what happened? Is Jacob okay? Sam? Emmett? Why is everyone acting so calm? And," I said, yanking on a thin tube that was poking from the crook of my arm "what is this?"

Carlisle smiled, taking the tube from between my fingers and laying it flatly onto the bed.

"I inserted an IV while you were out. You're a bit dehydrated."

Well, I couldn't argue that. I adjusted myself on the bed so that all three Cullens were in my view. "Alice, fill me in here, please."

"How about this," Carlisle offered, "Alice talks while I examine you?"

"Fine," I conceded, taking the thermometer from Carlisle's hand and popping it under my tongue before looking expectantly at Alice.

"Which perspective would you like to hear first? Mine or Edward's?"

"Alice," Edward said with a warning tone.

"She deserves to know the full story. Even the gritty parts." Alice remarked, and again the overwhelming urge to hug her was there. _This_ was what I had needed for so long, a friend on my side.

Carlisle extracted a light from a nearby desk. "Look forward please," he said softly and I obeyed. He shone the light in each of my eyes, having me follow his finger as he moved it further and closer to the tip of my nose. He smiled and nodded. All seemed well with my sight, at least. I turned back to Alice as she continued.

"When we left Forks after your birthday, Edward was adamant that I stop watching over your actions. He said he wanted you to live normally, free from 'pointy-haired psychics following your every move', I think was his phrase of choice," she said, tightening her lips as she glanced at him. "So I consented. But you're not just some channel on TV I can switch off whenever I like," she stressed, now looking directly at Edward with a defensive tone to her voice, "I'm so attuned to you because _someone_ had me watching your every waking moment before. Nevertheless, I tried my best to suppress flashes from you. While Jasper and I were in Wyoming, however, you slipped in. Just the shortest of flashes."

"Wyoming?" I interrupted, my mouth trying to speak around the thermometer.

"Yes, Wyoming. Where better to go when you want no one else around? Jasper needed time away from humans and there are plenty of moose around. Anyway, I saw yours and Edward's futures disappear. You were in a meadow… surrounded by this rich, green grass and then…nothing. Gone. I didn't know what to do. So I called Edward, and, well, asked him if he was still alive."

Edward interjected.

"You had left with…" he paused and the muscles in his jaw flexed, "Jacob Black. I took the call while certain things…. reattached. When I heard Alice had a vision of our futures disappearing, and only my own had reappeared, I… reacted."

"He went ballistic," Alice clarified. "Emmett was no help either. I could hear him over the phone goading Edward to cross the treaty border."

There was a tap on my kneecap and I felt my right leg swing forward. Carlisle was bent over, testing my reflexes. He tested my left and then stood and removed the thermometer from my mouth. He checked it and then settled it back into his pocket.

Edward's voice hardened. "I do not regret my decision to ensure that you were still alive. Alice's visions have never contained holes before. I thought, perhaps, she had seen our deaths from Jacob's attack in the meadow and, since he had left me alive, my existence had been restored. But yours, Bella, I just didn't know. I had to be certain that you were alive."

His cool fingers slipped behind my hair, grazing the side of my neck. He rested them there, tucked just under the line of my jaw. Reassuringly feeling my pulse, I imagined.

"Edward was on a rampage. But to be fair, we all did think something had happened to you. Jasper and I committed a little grand-theft-auto out of Wyoming, Rosalie and Esme came from Montreal, and Carlisle was already on his way here for something at the hospital. He arrived first."

"You all came back, just for me?" I asked, looking from each face to the next and then settling back on Alice. It was hard to imagine such loyalty. I had thought they had all left me alone here, unwanted. And now I was to understand that the Cullens risked their lives to save mine.

"Of course!" Alice piped, "We never wanted to leave in the first place. Edward forced us out of Forks on the belief it was for your own good. Besides, I wasn't just going to sit back and assume you were dead, Bella. You're family."

I couldn't take it anymore. I leapt from the bed, throwing my arms around Alice's tiny frame and squeezing her as hard as possible. Edward was beside me, holding the tip of my elbow in case I fainted from the sudden upright position, but his alert stance softened and he placed a hand on the small of my back as I held to Alice and tried to wipe tears from my eyes at the same time.

Alice returned my embrace, wrapping her slight arms around me, careful of the IV. Eventually, I broke away, still feeling a little foggy. I fumbled slightly over my own feet while trying to make it back to the bed. Edward caught me, placing his firm hands on my waist and pulling me against his side. I leaned against him for support, my shoulder tucking under his arm and rested my head there as Alice continued the story.

"Well, I know my side of what happens next," she said, "My visions were getting shakier. All of a sudden your future reappeared while my whole family was gone. I knew then that I couldn't solely act on my visions, something was being tampered with, and I tried to reach Edward to tell him you were alive but he didn't answer his phone."

"If only I had," Edward said, shaking his head. "The treaty might still remain. Although, I don't believe there was anything that could have stopped me at that point."

"I saw you jump, Bella," Alice said, "Jasper and I separated- he to the border and I to the cliff. When I got there you were already in the water. The both of you. Laurent had gone after you. I followed shortly and was able to get to him before he reached you in the water. We struggled, he scratched out my eye, and I tore off his arms. He sunk like a rock," she said with a hint of a laugh, "and I went right to you because it seemed you were trying your best to absolve all my efforts to save your life. Once I got a hold of you, I brought you back here. Carlisle came shortly after."

At this, Carlisle stepped to Alice's side.

"You regurgitated a substantial amount of ocean water. I performed CPR to get you breathing again. I'll admit, I was worried, especially when you lost consciousness. But now, you're responding well to tests, your temperature is nearing normalcy, and we've got you hydrated. I can't rule out concussion without an MRI, but you're definitely much better than you were before. Plus, your nose seems to be healing much better after the re-break. The swelling is minimal."

Rebreak? I grimaced and brought my fingers to the bridge of my nose and touched it lightly. There was medical tape on the bridge, I guessed Carlisle had dressed it, but it still felt tender. Carlisle knew that it wasn't just broken but _re_broken. Could he tell just from looking at me? Did he know it was Jacob? Did they all know what he and I had done? Suddenly I was feeling very warm again.

"It is good to see you again, Bella," Carlisle sighed, "My family has missed you. I'll be back in a bit with something to help strengthen those lungs of yours." Carlisle gave a quick nod to Edward and patted my shoulder before leaving the room.

Edward pulled me tighter against him; his arm wrapped around my waist and held my stomach. I turned up to look at him, the blush in my cheeks burning as I realized they all had fought for me while Jacob and I were rolling around in the grass.

"And you," I said, "Tell me what happened when you crossed the border."

He hesitated, pulling the ends of his mouth down and shutting his eyes briefly to consider a way out of this conversation.

"Don't tell her!" Another voice boomed and I jumped at the sound, "Don't tell her 'til I'm there!" Thundering steps rattled the house and then Emmett was in the room, taking up a large percent of the available space and dragging a reluctant Jasper behind him by the collar. "Bella!" Emmett cried, "Alright! What'd I tell ya? It just gets better and better with you around! You should move in."

I could only gape at him in shock. He was grinning from ear to ear, with one fist pumped in the air. Jasper winced uncomfortably, inching his way back toward the doorway. Alice skipped toward him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You'll be fine," she said softly and tucked her hand behind his back.

It was clear that Edward was becoming increasingly annoyed, an emotion I shared whole-heartedly. I was glad to see them all doing well but their avoidance of the severity of the situation was infuriating.

"_It keeps getting better?_" I repeated, the tone of my voice drastically different from when Emmett has said it. I was trying to contain my fuming anger. "Edward was hurt! Alice lost an eye! I almost drowned and there was a war with Jacob's pack! How can you say that Emmett? How can you all act like nothing is wrong?"

Emmett's smile quickly faded into a chagrined grimace and he darted his eyes to Edward with a look pleading him to help.

"Bella," Edward said softly.

"Don't 'Bella' me," I said, "Just…. explain how you're all alive right now. I thought this was a war. I was freaked out. I thought…" I trailed, my previous fears creeping up on me again. No one had mentioned the wolves or Jacob and how the other side had survived. Did that mean something was wrong? "Just…please… tell me that _everyone_ is okay."

My throat clenched, and I felt the familiar sting of tears as hysteria threatened to take over. But instead it vanished. Calm serenity took its place and my heart returned to its normal rate of beats per minute. Suddenly, nothing felt as terrible as I had imagined it to be.

I turned my seething glare to Jasper.

"Stop making me feel better," I muttered. He shrugged.

"I think it's time for Bella and me to continue this conversation alone," Edward said, his voice smooth but assertive and I mentally thanked him for taking control.

Emmett's face fell. He had obviously been waiting to recount whatever had happened at the border—a fact that only fueled my anxiety that the treaty hadn't gone down without a fight.

"Alright," he said, and then his eyes instantly brightened as he grabbed Alice by the arm and hugged her to his chest, "We gotta get the ol' one-eyed monster outta here anyway."

"Stop calling me that!" Alice groaned, but she was smiling. The three of them filed out of the white room, Alice waving as she left, and soon it was just the two of us alone.

I leaned back into Edward, letting my body mold around his stone figure and inhaling his floral scent. It filled my lungs with new air. I closed my eyes to take it in and realized how badly I two things: to talk about the war…and to forget it ever happened. A large part of me was tempted to just exist here with Edward in this sunlit house and pretend everything was fine. It would be easy, wouldn't it? Pretend there was no war, no Laurent, and give in to only one reality…that I loved him.

But the better part won out, and I eventually asked him to recount the events that transpired at the border, no matter how gruesome they may be.

Edward sighed heavily. "If this is what you want, I will tell you everything, Bella. I've learned that keeping things from you only hurts us in the long run."

_Us._ The word sent a jolt through me.

Something touched my hair lightly. Not his fingers this time, but his lips.

"Don't tell me here. This room reminds me of a hospital," I said, twisting in his arms so I could see his face clearly, "Take me upstairs."

"To my room?"

"Yes."

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	13. Chapter 13: Simple

Twilight does not belong to me. I belong to it.

Thank you to DannoCH for her lovely beta work. Chapter 14 is close to being completed!

BIG thank you to the readers of this story and for sticking with me for 13 chapters now. I appreciate every one of you and jump for joy when I am left a review, or added to a favorite or watch list. You rock!

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**Chapter Thirteen**

Simple

Edward looked stunned for the flash of a second, but then his pale face wiped clean of any shock and he nodded contently. He unhooked my IV bag from its stand beside the bed and offered it to me to hold.

"I don't think I can make the stairs," I confessed. My legs were wobbly enough as it was and any attempt to climb two flights of stairs would be pushing it.

Edward responded immediately to this by scooping me swiftly into his arms.

"Better?" he asked.

It was better. _Much_ better. His body was hard and familiar against mine and I molded to it perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle finally fitting together.

He carried me up the stairs at a steady pace, my feet dangling at one end and my hair swinging loosely at the other. The hushed voices of Edward's family grew distant as we neared the top step. I imagined briefly what Emmett would have to say if he saw Edward bringing me to his room in such a fashion, and I quirked a smile in spite of myself.

He shouldered the bedroom door open, keen to keep both arms around me, and set me down on a chaise lounge chair that had been purchased specifically for me over the summer. I remembered it fondly. The last time I had sat here with Edward we had been together, kissing and touching each other's faces as we leaned into the soft white fabric. Of course, the chair had remained unchanged- a constant in my revolving universe- but the girl who sat here last seemed to no longer exist for me. It was as if she was still stuck in one place, rooted to the ground here in this room, and I could see all around.

"Okay," I said and turned my face away from the large window behind the chair. It faced the back of the house where I could see the radiant greenery and bright blue of the sky. "All I want to know is if Jacob is okay."

Edward hesitated. He ran a hand through his muss of hair and pulled his gaze from mine to concentrate on the landscape behind me, seeming as if he hadn't heard me at all.

I didn't take this as a good sign.

"Edward! Is he _alive_?"

Still, he wouldn't look at me but eventually nodded and said quietly, "He is alive, although badly injured."

"Who did it?" I snapped and Edward flinched from the cold in my voice.

"Emmett. But, Bella, he—"

"Emmett!" I screamed. I wanted to bound downstairs and beat Emmett mercilessly for his callousness! But I was stuck in this damn chair, digging my fingers into the medical plastic bag, hoping it would burst. Something here had to give.

"Bella," Edward said and knelt down to my level, "Please, keep calm. Your heart—"

"Yes, my heart! My heart hurts right now, if that's what you're worried about, and I think you know why."

The muscles in his jaw tightened. "I do," he gritted.

"How bad is it?" I asked, "Tell me. Don't lie either. I want to know."

Edward sighed and put a hand over his eyes. The urge to touch his hand with my own came suddenly and unexpectedly. I pressed the IV to my chest instead, holding it there with both hands and waited.

"He suffered multiple broken bones. There was a moment at the border when Emmett had to wrench Jacob off of me during the fight. Emmett did so a little too forcibly… and consequently cracked the majority of Jacob's upper half. His arms, his ribs, shoulder and collarbone…" he drifted off, letting his hand slip from over his eyes so he could see me.

Only I could no longer see him. My eyes seemed to glaze over, unable to register Edward in front of me. I just saw Jacob, in those woods, crushed and broken.

"It's not your fault." Edward whispered, reading the expression of tremendous guilt on my face. "He came in spastic. Jacob's thoughts and orders to his pack were to kill or be killed, Bella. The blame for his injury rests on him and myself. I knew he wanted a war and I gave him every reason to start one."

"What have I done to you?" I whispered, speaking not to Edward but the sight before me of Jacob's face contorted in agony.

Was this all because of me? Jacob had been so innocent once. He had loved me purely despite my flaws. I depended on his goodness to change me back into someone whole. What I didn't know was that my actions could change _him_. He wasn't my Jacob anymore. He was something else. Someone angry and violent…and shattered beyond recognition.

'_We'll just have to see how badly he wants you._ _I want them dead. And I want to be the one to light the match._' I shuddered at the memory of Jacob's words.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked Edward, "They heal fast. He told me it was some kind of wolf thing."

Edward leaned closer to me and I felt his cool breath as he spoke.

"Once Jacob was injured, the fighting ceased immediately. The wolves were alarmed by the rate at which Jacob's body was recovering. Apparently, it was accelerating at such a pace where his bones would fuse before being properly set. We all stood and watched Jacob- Emmett and I guilt-stricken and the wolves erratic. It was then that Carlisle arrived and, upon seeing the damage, attempted to aid in setting Jacob's bones. The pack refused to let Carlisle touch their alpha. Carlisle then asked for pardon of the treaty so that we could retrieve you and go back to our home." Edward shook his head. "Sam would not allow it. Jacob had then phased into his human form and was delirious from pain. They did not trust us to refrain from attacking while he was in such a vulnerable state. We were at an impasse, but then luckily, Carlisle answered Alice's third call. She had you in her arms but you were barely holding on to life. The three of us retreated back to our home immediately, leaving Jacob and the wolves to lick their wounds. I do not know what became of Jacob after that. He will live, no doubt, although I am sure he has a great amount of pain and rebreaking to endure."

I felt numb and yet could not prevent the scenes Edward described from playing over and over in front of my eyes. Even those he did not say. I could see it all now without further explanation. Edward and Emmett running to the border after hearing my future had disappeared, Sam and the others waiting for them there. Edward would have no doubt attempted negotiations and Sam, under Jacob's orders, would have denied entry. Had Edward read Sam's mind? Had he seen me with Jacob in Sam's memory, decided it was unsafe and crossed the border anyway? Or maybe Emmett was all too hungry for combat and stepped onto reservation land to provoke the wolves. It didn't matter who crossed first. Sam would not have fought to kill. That was Jacob. Jacob had wanted an end no matter what the cost.

"When Jacob was hurt," Edward added, "His thoughts were of you. Very loud and very clearly he thought of you and how you had spent your last moments together at his home."

This was it. Edward's gaze held mine and I searched desperately for any sign of disappointment or betrayal. He knew.

Oddly, I felt relief.

"You saw." I wasn't really asking, but confirming.

"Like I said, his thoughts were very loud."

"Edward…" I sighed but he surprised me by scooping my face in both of his hands and tilting my chin toward his.

"I don't care very much about that. I care only that you are safe." His fingers curled gently along the curve of my cheek.

"That wasn't the first time," I confided, feeling weight lift from my chest and the desire to disclose all that had transpired with Jake, "There was once before. And then today…I don't know…I mean, I do know…now...what it was…"

"Shh. You owe me no explanations."

"Yes," I nodded, "I owe explanations." Maybe not to Edward, I thought, but the one I wanted to tell was not here.

I felt a slight tremble in Edward's touch. It was coming from him. One quivering thumb swept across my lips.

"Bella, in the meadow, you went with him. _Chose_ him. That alone was difficult to bear. I do not think I can listen to more."

"You don't understand."

"I understand," Edward said and withdrew his hands from my face and reached them behind his head. I watched as he tinkered with something at the nape of his neck before lowering his hands again and bringing them back to mine.

My necklace swung freely from his fingertips as he dropped it softly into my open hand.

"This is not mine. I should have never taken it."

I looked down at this piece of jewelry that had passed from Jacob's hands, to mine, to Edward's. The three of us felt linked now, our futures intertwined.

"I thought you needed it to keep my scent with you when I'm not around?"

He smiled crookedly. "I do not plan on being apart from you anymore, if that is alright with you."

There was a flutter of something familiar in my chest. I couldn't place it at first, but Edward's words awoke sensations I had not felt since before he left. I thought they would be impossible to find again.

Painstakingly, I placed the IV bag in my lap, then ducked my head and clasped the silver chain around my own neck. It was right to have it there, like carrying the three of us together with me always.

"Bella," Edward said as he slid next to me on the empty space on the chaise, "I would like to try something."

The sun began its slow decent into the horizon; the blue sky was now fading into purples and pinks and thin shadows stretched along the walls in Edward's open room. I shook the loose strands of hair from my face and turned toward him. The sun cast deep shadows along one side of his face, the last of the light sparkling faintly on his skin. He looked beautiful that way.

"What?" I asked.

"May I kiss you? Just once. I want to see how it will feel." He inched closer to me and swept a rogue strand of hair out of my eyes, tracing the shell of my ear as he pulled away. His skin left a tingling sensation on mine.

I swallowed, hoping that tingle would follow and stay buried deep where I couldn't feel it. It didn't. It seemed to spread down my neck and shoulders, fizzing like tiny bubbles on the surface of my body.

"You've kissed me a hundred times before." The answer was mechanical. My brain seemed unable to think at the moment.

"It's been awhile. I wonder if it will be the same."

The tingling swept down my stomach and through my legs, between them and down to my toes. My skin was alive with static electricity. I was almost trembling from it. I didn't know if I was going to be sick or…

"Ok," I whispered, my cheeks flaming and heart racing and static bubbles crackling and bursting on my skin.

Edward leaned closer; his smell was intoxicating. The cool stone of his cheek brushed along mine. I inhaled sharply, feeling like I might implode. Tiny bubbles popped and snapped everywhere, inside and outside and all of me. Slightly, he nudged my face to the side and pursed his lips against my cheek, kissing me there sweetly and pulling away with eyes watching mine.

For a second I thought I might keel over and faint right onto the floor.

"It is exactly the same for me," he whispered and stroked the length of my hair. I leaned in, wanting to taste him for myself. This didn't feel the same for me. It was so much more than that. It was blessed and perfect and I wanted _more_.

The space between us closed and I baited my breath, waiting to feel his lips press to mine. But it never came. Instead Edward withdrew, stood abruptly and marched over to the door. It took me one dazed moment to realize he wasn't beside me and I looked around to see him opening the door to Alice on the other side.

"Yes?" he said curtly, obviously agitated about being interrupted. If I wasn't in such a post-Edward stupor, perhaps I would be frustrated too. However my main concern now turned to the subsiding tingle of my skin.

Alice's voice rushed. "Charlie is on his way here. We've got five minutes."

Charlie. I checked back to the window—the sun was now just a tiny sliver along a dark landscape. It was evening already and I hadn't even thought of Charlie and my entire life outside of Edward and the war. Was it possible that just this morning I had been cooking eggs for Charlie and gone to school, only to disappear after my first class and abandon my truck in the parking lot? Someone at the school would have notified Chief Swan that his daughter went missing.

"Oh no!" I cried and stupidly sprang up from the chair, then immediately fell back down into it in a swoon of dizziness. I felt blindly for the medical tape at the bridge of my nose, and peeled it off slowly but feeling it hurt nevertheless. Then I tugged at the IV in my arm so that the thin needle slipped from my skin. That should do it. "Alice," I called and she came striding in, pink eye-patch and all, and helped me back up onto my feet.

"Alice, how do I look?" I asked hurriedly. She looked just about as stunned as Edward did that I would ask such a question. "I mean, do I look like I almost died today? Can you, I don't know, run a brush through my hair or something? Charlie can't see me looking half-dead."

Alice laughed. "Bella! Do you honestly think I would let you lay there in soaked clothes and ratty hair and unkempt nails? I took care of all of that while you were asleep." She patted my shoulders.

I gave a momentary glance at Edward's chagrined face before bracingly looking down at my own clothing. I hadn't even thought to notice what I was wearing. Sure, I had registered I was no longer cold and wet after my swim in freezing ocean water, but my appearance had definitely been the last thing on my mind…until now.

No one other than Alice could have deemed this outfit appropriate for post-attempted drowning attire. She had me dressed in a tight fitting purple dress that came up to just above my knees; it was sleeveless with a plunging v-neck and frilling ruffles along the collar. Definitely not a dress you would find in any store in the Northwest region …let alone my own closet. I checked my feet. Silver satin ballet slippers. And my nails—painted the exact shade of the dress.

"Alice," I groaned, "Charlie will know this isn't my clothing. He saw me this morning in pants and leather _boots_."

She shrugged and gathered my hair into a quick pony tail.

"There," she said, "Sleeping on the ringlets flattened them out anyway. Now you look more casual."

I groaned again, looking to Edward for support.

"There's no time to change," he said earnestly, "Charlie's cruiser just pulled into the driveway. Alice," he turned to his sister, "fetch a sweater or something to cover her."

Alice rolled her eyes. "A sweater will ruin the look! I know! I have a shrug that will go perfectly!" And she slinked out of the room.

"What's a shrug?" I asked and Edward chuckled.

The sound of knocking on the front door filled the house. Not knocking, but _banging_. Charlie must really be angry. The pounding ceased as I heard Carlisle's even voice invite my father into the house.

"WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER?" Charlie bellowed and his stomping footsteps echoed to where Edward and I stood. He was searching for me.

"Dad!" I called, "I'm coming." I went to take a first tentative step on my own and faltered. There was no way I could make the stairs…yet the thought of Charlie watching Edward carry me down turned my stomach. That might send him into cardiac arrest.

Edward unfolded his hand to me.

"Take it," he said, "We'll look just like two regular teenagers, holding hands because they like each other. Charlie won't know that I'm helping you walk."

I hesitated for a moment and then placed my hand in his. He folded his fingers around my palm and we walked slowly together to the stairs with our hands tightly clasped. His strong walk shouldered the brunt of my weight and, despite my slight lean, we did look as though we were any other teenage couple.

When we came upon Charlie at the bottom of the stairs, he was donning full police regalia with the radio at his shoulder blaring commands. He silenced it as soon as he saw me, then his eyes drifted down to my hand joined with Edward and the frown on his face deepened.

"I have half my precinct looking for you! Where have you been?" Charlie barked. He took a few steps forward and Edward instinctively pulled me closer to him.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Swan, this is my fault. Bella has been with me today."

"No! It's not his fault. Dad, I'm sorry I forgot to meet you at work after school."

"After school?" Charlie asked, taken aback, "That ain't the half of it! You went missing. No one knew where you were. We questioned students. The last person to see you, Jessica Stanely, said the two of you had spoken beside the woods. We searched the area and found your textbooks scattered without a trace of you. Do you know how scared I was? I called everyone: your mother; Jacob. Then I get a call from Dr. Cullen and find out you're out here reuniting with this one!" He shot a scowl at Edward. "What are you doing?"

"Dad, please. I'm sorry. I just—" I scanned the room, hoping to pull out a reasonable excuse from something. At last my eyes fell on Carlisle and he came to my rescue.

He stepped forward and put a hand to Charlie's arm. Charlie flinched a bit at Carlisle's touch and the doctor withdrew his hand. "Chief Swan, I apologize for not calling sooner to inform you that Bella was here. My family returned to town quite suddenly and my son was anxious to see her. I allowed them to be here under my watch but should have consulted with you first."

His lie was so simple and glib that Charlie needed a few seconds to react. He couldn't unleash his outrage on Dr. Cullen so he settled for turning on me.

"Get in the car, Bella; we'll continue this at home."

I went to follow but Edward tightened his hold on me, forcibly enough that Charlie took notice.

"You," Charlie started, pointing his finger at Edward, "need to take your hands off my daughter."

"Edward," Carlisle warned and Edward's hand dropped from mine. The two exchanged a brief look before Carlisle turned back to my father, smiling warmly.

"Why don't you and Bella stay for dinner? Esme will be home soon; she will be delighted to see the both of you again."

What was that about? I gave Carlisle a questioning look but he dismissed it, shaking his head infinitesimally and then smiling back to my father.

Charlie cleared his throat. "That's nice of you, but I just want to get my daughter home."

Again, Edward overreacted, positioning himself in front of me to act as some kind of barrier between myself and the front door.

"Would it be alright if I came along with you?" Edward asked politely.

Charlie snorted, ready to refuse when Edward changed directions, immediately following with "Or Alice? She has missed Bella as well and would love to spend time with her."

As if on cue, Alice came prancing down the stairs, holding some silver fabric in her hands and nodding reverently. "Oh yes I would love that! Would that be okay with you Charlie?"

Alice had always been Charlie's weak spot. I watched his resolve waver and perhaps she could have charmed him over if his attention didn't stray to the pink patch covering her eye.

"What happened to you?" he gaped.

She tossed her hair. "Oh, just a scratch. Dad is over precautious though. You understand." She beamed at him while she wrapped the fabric over my shoulders—it was the shrug. "Charlie, can Bella and I have a sleepover? I'll run upstairs and get my things. Won't take more than a minute!"

Charlie grumbled, taking his hands in and out of his pockets.

"No, Alice, I'm sorry. Bella is being punished. No visitors. Bella, come on, let's go home. Dr. Cullen, thank you for letting me know she was okay." He nodded a curt goodbye to Carlisle and then titled his head toward the door-my cue to follow.

Alice, Carlisle and Edward exchanged nervous stares, no one speaking or moving to allow Charlie and me to leave. It was then that Edward's hands closed around my waist, holding me to him.

At first, I thought we shared the same fear. Walking alone without aid was near impossible for me at the moment and Charlie would surely notice I had been hurt. But then, as I noted the darkening sky through the windows and the sinister quiet surrounding the house, I realized why he and his family were trying every possibility to stay by my side.

Laurent. He was still out there. Alice had only wounded him. He would recover and eventually come to claim me as his mate. I couldn't just go home with Charlie and leave us open for attack. We could be killed the instant we walked out this door.

I stood there wide-eyed and frozen. Again, Carlisle stepped forward and held his arm out to mine.

"Let me walk you to the car. Charlie, please wait for us."

Charlie spun around, eyeing the doctor's extended arm. "Why?"

Carlisle raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. "To be polite."

"Oh. Alright." He paused, setting his hands on his hips, and waited.

I broke from Edward's hold, took two wavering steps and slipped my arm through Carlisle's. Charlie huffed impatiently by the door as I turned back to wave goodbye. I noticed that all along Jasper had been perched atop a side table in the adjourning room while Emmett sat grinning on the nearest couch. I wanted to wipe that grin off of his face, but Carlisle was already escorting me out the front door.

"Wait!" Edward called and ran to where Carlisle and I were standing. His hand found the nape of my neck and he pulled me to him, kissing me firmly on the lips. Charlie coughed deliberately this time but I ignored it. I closed my eyes and tasted Edward before he pulled away. His lips found my ear and whispered "I'll be close". Then he turned and walked the other way without looking back.

I stumbled on my next step.

The three of us made our way to the cruiser in awkward silence. I depended entirely on Carlisle to make it down the porch steps but luckily Charlie was ahead of us and was unable to see the shape I was in. A few cars were parked haphazardly on the blacktop: the black Mercedes that belonged to Carlisle, a yellow porche that I assumed was part of Alice's grand theft auto, and Emmett's gargantuan Jeep. When we came upon the truck, I came to a dead stop, glaring at the glossy finish and the way it gleamed in the dwindling sunlight.

"Excuse me, Carlisle?" I asked, "Could you hand me that rock over there?"

Thankfully, he didn't ask me why I would want such a thing, but simply bent down and extracted a large rock from the edge of the lawn. He placed it in my open hand. I felt its weight, juggling it lighting in my hand. This would do. Bracingly, I let go of Carlisle's arm, lunged awkwardly to the truck and slammed the rock into the hood not once, not twice but twenty times.

"Bella!" Charlie shouted, "What are you doing!"

I let out a scream and scraped the rock down the side of the hood, leaving a trail of scratched paint behind.

There.

"Carlisle," I panted and he took my arm in his. I made a point to twist and look back at the house. They were all standing there, everyone except Edward, Jasper was laughing and hitting Emmett on the back while Emmett stood there with his mouth ajar looking utterly dumbfounded I could cause so much damage.

"For Jacob," I mouthed and turned back to the cruiser as Carlisle helped me inside.

Charlie waited until I was securely in the passenger seat with the belt on before pulling out of the Cullen driveway, then once we were on the road he continued his interrogation.

"What the hell really happened? Tell me the truth this time, Bells."

I opened my mouth to explain when a bang pelted the roof of the car. Charlie barely noticed the sound but I knew it was Edward, riding atop of the cruiser to protect us.

"Okay, okay….I'll tell you." I racked my brain…what would even sound remotely plausible? Edward came to school and tossed my books in the woods and carried me back to his house? I ran to his house after my fight with Jessica? Jessica confessed her love for Edward and I left school too distraught to finish the day and found Edward waiting for me at home with flowers saying he loved me? It all sounded like deceit.

Renee had once told me that the truth is simple. '_Keep it simple stupid'_ was one of her favorite sayings. The more detail and reasoning you add to a lie, the less believable it becomes. So I took a deep breath and hoped that my mother was right.

"I went to school and Edward was there waiting for me. We went back to his house to hang out with his family and I forgot about the time. That's all."

I waited for Charlie to call me out for lying, but instead he let out a deep sigh and shook his head.

"Why are you doing this to yourself again? Don't you remember how he treated you? He left and you never seemed right again after that. I thought you'd know better than to go running back whenever he wants."

_Truth is simple,_ I thought.

"He loves me, Dad."

"What about Jacob?" He countered and I cringed. Jacob was always there, looming on the sidelines of my life. A question waiting to be answered.

"He and I are over," I stated plainly, "It's that simple."

Of course, I knew better than to believe my own words. Another bang from the roof confirmed that Edward knew the same. Nothing was ever simple when it came to us.

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	14. Chapter 14 : First

Twilight is the property of Ms. Meyer!

Thank you to DANNOCH for being a fantastic beta and holding my hand through this story. And to my readers. You all officially rule.

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**Chapter Fourteen**

First

We pulled up to the house as the sun gave its final farewell to the day and set behind the horizon. Street lamps clicked on and illuminated our driveway as Charlie killed the engine on the cruiser.

Before I could delay, Charlie swung open his door and exited the car. My body tensed as I waited for an onslaught of screaming and shots fired upon Edward for following us back to the house. When no sound came except the footfalls of Charlie's boots, I realized that Edward must have already quit from view. He'd be close by, sure enough, to make sure Charlie and I could walk safely indoors.

My hand lingered on the door inside the car, trembling so much I could not grasp the handle. Quickly, I wrapped my arms around my waist, hugging myself. My eyes scanned the darkness outside for any movement. How did I get myself into such a mess? Jacob was injured, Laurent was on the loose, and Edward had kissed me no less than an hour ago. My lips still felt the ghost of his mouth.

"Bells?" Charlie called and I jumped in my seat.

I waved him on, wanting him in the house and out of sight from whatever crawl I was about to attempt to get myself indoors. He must have sensed my hesitation as he turned and trudged back to the car, opening the door for me and propping his elbows upon it.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I answered automatically. Charlie returned a cynical look that meant he didn't believe that for one second.

_Well,_ I thought, _there's a murderous vampire out to turn me into his mate for all eternity; I created a war between the Cullens and Jacob's renegade pack of werewolves. Oh, and I can't walk._

"Fine," I relented, opting to go with the easiest of explanations. "I fell today. That's why my books were scattered at the school. I fell down after talking with Jessica, dropped them, and haven't really been able to move since." I rubbed my back for good measure.

"So that's what the whole cover-up was about with the doctor, huh? Thought you weren't walking right. Alright, come on old lady, give me your hands." He hoisted me up out of the car, then threw my arm around his shoulders and hobbled me into the house.

"What did you sprain or break or bruise this time?" He asked as we crossed the threshold of the living room.

"Um…I think it was more like a concussion that Dr. Cullen was afraid of."

Charlie jumped at this, halting mid-way between easing me onto the couch and pulling me back toward him.

"That's it! I'm taking you to the hospital right now. A concussion! Why didn't that screw-ball doctor tell me over the phone!"

"Dad! It's not a concussion; Dr. Cullen cleared me of that," I lied. Truthfully Carlisle had wanted to conduct more tests. "I'm just a little wobbly, that's all. He said I just need rest. Besides, I thought you liked Carlisle."

Charlie exhaled in relief and let me sink into the sofa cushions. He gave me a brief once over, decided I was telling the truth, and then plopped himself into the chair on the opposite side of the room.

"The doctor's a stand-up guy, sure. Do I think he gives his children whatever they ask for and more? Well…that's another story. He told me over the phone that the hospital offered him a raise, that's why they came back to Forks. Bullshit!" he cursed, then his eyes darted to mine apologetically. "I think he came back because that son of his asked him to."

"Is that so bad? That Edward wanted to come back?" I asked and kicked off Alice's silver slippers, tucking my feet into the cushion to warm them.

Charlie snorted.

"It is when it's my daughter he's harping on. I don't like the way he treated you and I especially don't like that he came back here to do it again. You've got to use your head. This guy is nothing but trouble."

My eyes felt heavy and tired. The muscles in my arms and legs whined for rest as I stretched them out and pulled a throw blanket on top of me. I wondered idly where Edward was now, possibly in my room or even in the hallway listening to this. I hoped he didn't mind that I didn't go upstairs to join him. I wanted to rest here with Charlie.

"Shhh, Dad," I yawned, "Let's fight tomorrow, okay?"

"Bells…" Charlie muttered, "I just want you to be safe."

I smiled lazily, feeling sleep steal over me.

"Then you and Edward are exactly the same," I breathed and closed my eyes.

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I awoke on the couch, barefooted and still dressed in my purple frock. At first, I assumed it was the middle of the night, gauging the lack of light streaming through the window. Then I heard the muted hiss of rain and realized that it was just another dreary Forks morning.

The chair Charlie had slept in was now vacant. He had left behind a blanket, thrown carelessly over the back of the chair, and his work shoes that were toppled over the other on the floor.

"DAD!"

I freed myself from my own blanket and sat up on the couch, looking around for signs of a struggle. Could Laurent have gotten to Charlie in the night?

"DAD!" I called again.

"I'm right here." He entered the living room looking serene as he carried a steaming mug in each hand. "Coffee?"

"Oh," I sighed, my heart returning to its normal pace, "I didn't see you and got scared." I lifted the mug to my lips and took a sip. Good coffee was the probably the only thing Charlie could make in the kitchen besides a mess.

"I know the feeling," he quipped.

I grimaced knowingly. My absence yesterday had definitely given him a scare. He had proven that with his beat down upon the Cullens' front door.

"I'm sorry about that, really. Time…got away from me."

"Look Bells, I know how much you like the Cullen family and…I can see why you'd want to hang around them all the time. They've got a nice house, you probably don't have to help cook and clean like you do around here, and they are a big, welcoming family. But," he paused, swallowing and softening his voice, "I want you to remember that you've got your own family here too. This family, you and me, needs to come first."

He looked at me with sincere eyes that pleaded with me to take his words to heart. I inched to the edge of the couch and rubbed the sleeve of his coffee arm, trying to pour as much love into that as I could.

"Ok," I said simply.

Charlie smiled at this, crookedly and gratefully. He reminded me a bit like Edward and I held back a laugh.

"Ok. Next up is this." He dug into his pant pocket with his free hand and pulled out a silver object. For a brief second I thought it was some shiny accessory Alice had slipped him to go with my outfit but then he held it up to me and it was undeniably a cell phone.

"For you," he said and handed it to me. "You will keep this on you at all times. Apparently this thing has a GPS system so that two paired phones can locate each other. So I got myself one too. Don't get upset, but given your history, a tracking device seems reasonable to me. You are to call me when you get home from school, if you go out, and when you get to where you are going. I'm speed dial number 2…I had the store clerk set it up."

"You're going to track me?" I asked, crinkling my nose, "That's a little weird."

"How about I promise not to activate the GPS unless you go missing again?" he offered.

I shrugged. "Less weird. Anything else? I'm punished, right?"

"Oh yes, you're punished. Grounded for the time being and _no_ visitors. I called the school and told them you would be out for the remainder of the week. If Dr. Cullen says you need rest, than damnit you're going to lay here and rest. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

I toyed with my new cell in my hands. It was some fancy generation with a keyboard and camera and other possible attachments and features I'd never use.

"May I make a phone call?" I asked. "Is that allowed under the new regime?"

Charlie allowed himself a laugh.

"Am I being that harsh?"

I shook my head. Actually, Charlie's demands and doled punishments weren't nearly half of the horror I had been expecting. Perhaps because the night had given him time to sleep and cool off, or perhaps I feared the worst possible situations, given that my recent actions either led to war, death, or emotional homicide.

He put a hand to my hair and rustled it. "Just glad you're okay." Then he took his coffee and left me to my call.

"Dad?" I asked, stopping him in his tracks as he neared the hallway.

"Hmm?"

"If you're speed dial two, who's programmed as number one?"

He shrugged and turned from me. "Guess you'll have to call it to find out." His words trailed behind him as he walked from the room.

The phone flipped open and I stared at the keypad, homing in on the 1 key. The curiosity of who lay beyond that number nipped at my resolve. With a quick scan of the doorway to make sure Charlie was gone, I hit 1.

It dialed, and the number that popped up was one I recognized instantly. Of course I did, I had called that number a thousand times before. Panic struck me, and my first reaction was to close the phone and put a stop to the call mid-ring. Instead, my hand raised my new cell to my ear as I waited to hear Jacob's voice on the other end.

His house line rang unanswered seven times before I hung up. Jacob was either not home or unable to pick up the phone. I snapped the phone shut, still hearing that trilling ring. I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth, nibbling on it. _Jake, are you okay?_

I'd have to wait for the answer on that one, I guessed. For now, I was confined to the walls of Charlie's house. News of Jacob's well-being and the war were out of reach, but there was other news to check in on. My fingers ghosted over the numbers for Edward's cell before I remembered that I didn't have to call to talk to him.

"Dad! I'm going upstairs to my room!" I called out, letting Charlie know I wasn't about to pull another disappearing act.

"Can you make it up there alone?" he called back from the kitchen.

That was a good question.

I stood up from the couch, holding my arms out to the side incase I teetered over and fell. My equilibrium seemed to be fine, so I slipped on my shoes and walked over to the stairs, sighing in relief when all I felt was sore muscles in my legs, probably from my failed swimming efforts.

"I'm good to go," I called to Charlie then climbed the stairs, my thighs and butt groaning, but otherwise feeling blissfully normal. Opening my bedroom door and feeling the chill of rainy March air hit my skin gave promise that Edward was indeed waiting for me. The window was open.

"Were you up here all night?" I asked, shutting the door behind me and finding Edward sitting on the foot of my bed.

He smoothed out the lines of his trousers and strained a smile. "I stayed in the hallway listening to Charlie snore."

I laughed uncomfortably. It was strange to have Edward in my room again. He seemed to sense it too. We were alone with the haunting memory of our kiss. This reunion felt vaguely familiar to the one we had two days ago. He had waited expectantly for me in my room, and there was strong tension in the air neither of us could deal with. Now, instead of bloodlust, it was the pressure to dissect the tangled emotions between us.

I hesitated at the door. Part of me wanted to run to him, fold myself into his arms and beckon that tingling sensation with a kiss. The other part remembered the meadow, and how I had lied to protect ourselves. If he believed I didn't love him, we could prevent further damage to our hearts. Besides, I had already gone six months pretending I didn't love Edward…how bad could it be to live this charade forever?

Looking at him now, it seemed impossible. Why did he have to be so perfect? So beautiful? Why did I have to feel that pull in my chest, leading me towards him?

I turned away from his gaze, averting my attention from dangerous questions to the state of my room. Mindless cleaning seemed the perfect distraction. Yet, instead of the disaster site I had left behind only twenty-four hours ago, I saw the spotless interior of my room.

"You," I gaped, turning and scanning my surroundings, "You cleaned my room?"

Edward nodded. "A feeble attempt to keep busy."

I walked to my desk. The same desk that I had carelessly covered with clothes and books was now pristine. My wayward novels sat neatly stacked beside my computer monitor, all pens placed in a washed mug and loose papers filed into a drawer.

"Um, thank you." I said, letting my hands glide over the wood. I turned back to him, and met his watchful gaze with a budding smile. It was absurd to envision Edward up here cleaning while Charlie and I spoke downstairs. The image was also a perfect distraction, it broke the tension in the air as Edward and I grinned at each other, each finding the humor in such an act.

I didn't have time to enjoy the moment, or even crack a joke. Edward's smile faded as he stood promptly and muttered, "Charlie is coming to your room with breakfast," before he disappeared in a blur of bronze hair. The door to my closet clicked shut just as my bedroom door opened and a breakfast tray preceded Charlie as he entered my room.

"I know I'm not the best cook, but I figured even I can't screw up cinnamon toast."

"Cinnamon toast?" I asked, allowing the laugh from before to finally ejaculate, "You _made_ cinnamon toast? How is the house still standing?"

"Har, har, Bells. You would have heard the smoke alarm if I started a fire. Remember Gran used to make this for you when you were sick? Thought I'd whip up a batch."

He placed the tray on the now clear surface in front of me, presenting his meal with pride and motioning for me to sit down. I did, keeping an eye on the silent closet across the room. Charlie's tray incorporated a breakfast of cinnamon toast, which was pretty much buttered toast sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar, a banana, a cup of orange juice and a glass of water. The sight of such a feast after an entire day without food awoke the slumbering hunger in my stomach. I grabbed the first slice of toast and inhaled it.

"Thanks, Dad," I mumbled through a mouth full of food, "This is pretty good." I washed it down with orange juice.

Charlie stepped idly around my room, surveying it with the same confused glare I had used only moments before. I watched him warily as he passed the closet door. Luckily, he turned his back to it so he could face me.

"When did you have time to clean your room?"

I blinked at him, grabbing the banana off my tray and began to peel it. I figured I'd play ignorant as long as I could.

"What do you mean?" I asked and took a large bite of banana.

"It was a mess in here yesterday! I came upstairs looking for you and almost tripped over all of the junk on the floor. And…" he continued, walking over to the window. My heart plummeted when he stopped in front of the hole in my wall the exact size and shape of Edward's fist. "How the heck did this happen?"

Figuring that my 'I fell down' excuses had reached their limit, I swallowed the fruit and tried to look as embarrassed as I could muster.

"Um, I punched it."

He looked amazed by this. "You did? Why?"

"Uh, well, remember my screaming fit the other night? It was more like a screaming and punching fit. Sorry, I didn't want to tell you I put a hole in the wall."

He bent over to have another look at the hole and I chanced a glance at my closet. All was still.

"Wow," he marveled, "Didn't know you had this kind of upper body strength, Bells. I'll have to take a trip to the hardware store for some Spackle."

"No!" I cried, almost choking on the next mouthful of banana. "Don't go out today!"

"Why not?" He turned back from the hole to face me.

"Just, um, stay here with me today, will you? Please? I want my dad around."

_Where it's safe,_ I finished inwardly.

A strange expression flickered on Charlie's face. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it, opting to clear his throat instead. It took a moment for him to answer me, but when he did, it was with a smile. "Alright. I'll go call the precinct and tell them I'm taking leave today." He crossed the room and then stopped by my desk. "Eat up, hun."

The instant the door closed behind Charlie, Edward reclaimed his seat on my bed.

"He cares very much for you."

"I know," I answered without looking at Edward. My eyes were glued to the closed door. I recounted the Valentine carnations Charlie had bought for me, the calls he made for Angela and Mike to visit, the cinnamon toast….and how he had programmed himself into the number two slot in my phone. Not the first, but the second. He didn't believe that he came first in my life.

When I spoke, my voice caught. I drank a draft of water to get my words out.

"We have to figure out what we're going to do about Laurent," I said, swallowing hard. I could hear the sound of Charlie's footsteps downstairs as he paced on the phone with his job.

"I have already spoken with my family about this," Edward informed, "Alice and I will reenroll at the high school and will be with you at all times there. The rest of my family has agreed on guard rotations for this house as well as Charlie's precinct as long as necessary until Laurent strikes."

"That's not good enough. I'm not going to wait around for the rest of my life for Laurent to strike. Not when it puts Charlie in danger and strains on your family. We have to stop Laurent first."

Edward cocked an eyebrow in surprise. "Stop him? What are you suggesting?"

I nibbled more on the toast, thinking. Planting my feet on the ground, I kicked off, sending the computer chair spiraling out from under the desk. I turned one complete rotation before slowing to a stop in front of Edward. He was watching me curiously but patiently, that one eyebrow still raised.

"We beat him to it," I said, "Lure him out of hiding. I could be the bait."

Edward flinched as if he had been struck. Instantly, his face darkened; fists clenching in and out of tight, white balls of marble.

"You will absolutely _not_ be the bait."

"Edward, he is going to continue to feed and kill while he is here waiting for you to slip and leave me exposed. I'm not putting Charlie at risk or letting more innocent people die because I'm too much of a coward to take action in my own life."

Edward flung his arms out, snatching the rails of my computer chair, and yanked me toward him.

"You are not a coward," he commanded, gripping the rails of my chair so hard I heard one crack, "I am the one who always second guesses your choices. If there is a coward, it is me. You do not run from your fears, love, you charge them head on."

"So then why won't you trust me?" I blurted and before I could think I was adding: "You never listen to what _I_ want. You just…act on your own irrationality. Look what that's done to us. If you had just trusted me, you never would have had to leave."

I bit my tongue, forcing myself to stop before I could blurt out more.

He looked down, breaking our eye contact. "You are right. I should have trusted you in the beginning. No matter how I try, danger still finds you. I left so that you could live normally…and you find comfort in Jacob Black. Another monster, putting you at risk every second he's near you. If you're destined to be in constant peril, I would at least want it to be with me."

It seemed this conversation would be inevitable. Jacob kept popping in and out of my life, even when I tried to put as much distance between us. Appearing in the meadow, his number on my cell phone. Always there. At some point, I was going to have to make a choice. No matter how deeply I felt for Edward, I didn't know if I could be with him. It seemed as though together, we loved too deeply, and apart, caused the other pain.

Edward's hands released their clutch on my chair. He sighed heavily and leaned away from me. "Well, Emmett will at least be pleased to hunt Laurent. I myself wouldn't mind the chance to tear that soulless fiend limb from limb. The thought of him trying to change you…how close he came..."

With that, I raised a hand to Edward's face, quieting him. My fingers tingled at the touch and I hurriedly pulled away.

"Edward," I whispered, "Will you promise me something?"

His eyes captured mine again. "Anything."

"If something goes wrong, if our plan fails, don't let me live like that kind of vampire. Laurent wants to turn me into some kind of protective mate for him. Promise that if I'm changed, you'll come and find me and take me back to live with your family."

He moved forward again, his breath now sweeping my skin.

"You will never become his mate. That demon will never lay a hand on you."

"Or Charlie," I added, "He comes first. Promise me."

Edward stared down at me, his amber eyes unblinking and brushed his hand against my cheek.

"Or Charlie. I swear."

He said it like a vow. Promising me the safety and assurance I needed for my family. I leaned closer, never breaking my eyes from him. His fingers rubbed the length of my cheek before tucking behind the nape of my neck.

The tingling had spread again, as I knew it would. We were like two magnets; placed together we only drew the other in. His scent hit me, sweet and intoxicating. And just like that I knew what I wanted. What I had to do.

"Edward," I exhaled. The quivering I felt now was not from the cold. It was the prickling electricity of Edward's touch. A shudder rolled down my spine.

"You're cold," he muttered, annoyed with himself for not foreseeing it. In one motion he pulled the blanket out from under him and draped it round my shoulders like a cape.

"No," I shook my head, "Not cold." My fingers moved to his lips. They were smooth as stone. I only had to ask. Surely, he would not deny me?

"Bella, you are covered in gooseflesh. Let me shut the window."

He moved to shut it but I caught him with trembling fingers, willing him to stay. I wanted more than ever to feel all of him. Not just to sate the tingling on my skin, but to know if this was right.

"Don't. Don't get up. If you do, I'm afraid I'll lose my nerve."

"Your nerve?"

I shivered, but instead of curling deeper into the blanket, I moved from it, letting it fall from my shoulders. "Yes. My nerve."

The blanket toppled to the floor, and I set my knees apart from his, wrapping them around his legs as I climbed onto his lap.

"Bella," he said urgently, his hands whisking to my hips to stop me. But they didn't. They lingered.

"Trust me," I said again. To whom I was speaking, I wasn't entirely sure. I had let the electric current take over. It was so easy to push away my fear of getting close to Edward. Too easy to believe this would bring me answers. Too easy to feel that vibration between my legs.

Edward's eyes were closed. Tightly shut as if he couldn't watch the events unfold. His hands gripped my waist as I lowered myself to his face and took his bottom lip in mine. My arms snaked around his neck and I let the weight of me bring us down onto the bed, our bodies flush against each other. Without the slightest hesitation, I opened my mouth to him and beckoned his tongue to mine. It darted between my lips and I captured it. It was sweet like his scent and I had missed it terribly for six months. I sighed, feeling the pounding of my heart on my ribs.

Then he pulled away.

His arms went to mine and pried me from him. "Bella, stop. You must be delirious. You need more rest. Lay down here beside me."

Delirious. Well, he was almost right.

"You kissed me yesterday because you wanted to know if it would feel the same," I explained, and took his hand and put it to my neck, letting his long fingers wind around it. "That's what I want. I want to know if it will be the same with you. Or if it will be right."

My lips kissed his palm. And he groaned, ripping his hand from me and pinching the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger.

"I don't understand what you mean. You're like a riddle."

"I'm trying to show you what I mean."

"Bella!" he said again, exasperated, "I can not do this with you. Not now. There is too much risk. Too much at stake. And…there is someone else to consider…"

"Don't say his name." I said sternly. "I don't want to think of him now."

Edward sat up, settling me on his lap with his arms around my waist. "Believe me, it is not that I wish to have this conversation, but I feel as though we must."

"Edward, please!" I cried. "I can't. I can't talk about it because I don't know what I want anymore! It's just…I have you here after so long and I'm feeling all of these…things. I gave up the one part of me that should have been shared with you. I want that now. Do this for me. Please."

His face turned from me. Amber eyes flickered down with cold refusal. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," I said stubbornly and threw myself from his lap. I marched up to my door and gripped the handle. "Not in that way. We hurt each other over and over in this awful cycle. It feels like it will never break."

I sighed heavily, angry and frustrated and embarrassed. "I'm taking a shower. When I come back, please don't be in my room."

In the hallway, I grabbed a towel from the linen closet and called down to Charlie that I'd be in the shower. He was watching the news on the TV. There were mumbled reports of bear sightings in the area. I ran to the bathroom and shut myself in, leaning against the closed door and feeling tears sting my eyes.

_Don't cry_, I demanded of myself. _It's all a fucking mess but don't cry._ I couldn't help it. The sob that escaped my lips was in mourning for the tightly wound ball of emotions I had stored away. I had told myself I wouldn't tell Edward how I felt because we only caused each other pain and I was right. I tried to get close to him and here I was again, mortified and sobbing.

Slowly, I stripped out of Alice's carefully selected clothes. They pooled on the tile floor and I turned the hot water on, letting the steam build in the room. It soothed my throat as I cried.

I let the water get as hot as I could stand it, and stepped in. For a while, I just let it beat down on me, not wanting to move on. If I could just stay in this stall for the rest of my life, I'd be satisfied.

There was a creak and a click from inside the room. The door had opened and shut. Then came the soft sound of fabric falling to the floor.

"Edward?" I asked, my eyes widening.

The shower curtain pulled to the side, steam rushed passed me to escape.

"I'm here," he said and stepped in to join me.

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A/N: Please leave reviews!


	15. Chapter 15: Second

All you recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

This chapter took a bit longer than expected because so much happens in it! Hope I did this justice. hehe. This chapter is another that gives the story its M rating.

I want to thank my readers, especially those of you who review. I love getting them and reading what you all think of the story. Your words are so kind and encouraging. If you haven't reviewed-please do! It only takes a moment.

Another thanks to my beta, DannoCH, who is the bomb at turning my fragments of copy into real, sensical sentences.

Enjoy!

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**Chapter Fifteen**

Second

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I must have looked awful. My hair was still tangled in the ponytail Alice had set yesterday, but now half sodden with shower water and sticking to the sides of my face. Tears streamed down my makeup-smeared cheeks and I imagined how red and swollen my eyes must be from crying. The breath that came was short now; coming and going in those hitched and sudden gasps that seem to stick in your throat after you've had a good cry. Or the kind that come when you see a vampire naked for the first time.

The term breath-taking just doesn't do it justice. Physically, Edward seemed to mirror me, only in exact opposite. Where my hair clung, his defied gravity. His eyes were golden and alert to my puffy, bloodshot ones. His body stood strong and tall across from me as though chiseled from stone. Hot water pelted off the taught muscles of his chest and shoulders; where my body had curled in on itself as rushing water beat down upon me. We differed so drastically and yet, as my eyes wandered along the full length of him for the first time…I realized that didn't matter. We were exactly crafted for the other. Made to fit. Perfectly.

"You came," I mumbled, wiping at my eyes as Edward climbed over the lip of the tub.

He drew the curtain shut, keeping his face turned to me. I heard the soft clink of the curtain rings meeting the tile wall. We were sealed together in here now. Steam was already beginning to build around us.

"You asked me to trust you," he answered.

"Is that the only reason? Because I asked?" I swallowed, waiting. I wanted to hear that this wasn't just all me; that I hadn't whined my way into making him do this. I wanted…I wanted him to want this just as badly as I did.

"Of course not," he said evenly, his eyes softening, "I came because I wanted to. The thought of you in here, alone and naked, made me ache to touch you. Like this…"

He reached out a hand to me, placing it at the nape of my neck and swept slowly along the column of my throat. His touched ignited the prickling bubbles once more, coursing them through me and bringing my body back to life after months of dormancy. With that I knew the tingling I felt was not only my desire. It was the half of me that recognized the missing part to its whole. Edward.

He combed his fingers into my hair, up to the elastic band that held my ponytail in place. Edward fingered the band for a moment and then snapped it. My hair tumbled down my shoulders, becoming instantly weighed by the shower so that it clung to my bare back.

Edward leaned forward, his mouth barely touching the shell of my ear. "First, you must promise me something."

"Anything," I rushed.

"You must tell me if you are uncomfortable or in pain. If I hurt you… in any way…" His consternation caused his voice to waver at the end, as if every doubt he had were trying to break through his wall of intent.

"Shh," I hushed and cupped my hands to his face so that I could look at him, "You won't. You won't."

"Bella…"

I gripped him tighter. If he told me he couldn't…if he told me to stop…I would simply explode.

"It's alright," I assured him and guided him carefully back with me under the shower. Water thrummed in my ears, rushing down the length of our bodies, finding the small sliver of space between us. It trickled past my navel where I felt the twisting and tingling want for him there. I placed myself up on my toes, matching my lips to his once more. I wanted him so badly it almost hurt. _Wanted_, not needed. And, to me, that was all the difference.

He put his hands to me, wintery fingers clutching me at the shoulder as he deepened his kiss. His tongue met mine as he let his hands travel down my arms and across to my chest. Without being aware, I pushed myself harder against him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he continued to trace my body as if to learn every curve by heart.

When he broke apart from me, leaving me gasping under the cascading water, he ducked his head under my cheek, kissing me there. And again, at my collarbone. He kissed a trail down each breast to the concave of my navel, then continued south as he peppered each inch of my skin with his lips until finally he was… _Oh God…_there_._ There, between my legs, using his hands to spread my hips and placing his face between them.

"_Edward!_" I gasped as I felt his mouth brush the sensitive skin.

He did not answer. He laved the spot, taking me into his mouth and parting me open with his tongue. He kissed it, sweetly and cool and wet. I fisted my hands into his hair, tugging at each new flick of his tongue. Water streamed my body and it was as though he was drinking it from me.

_Oh God. Oh, oh God_. This was different. So different! There was never a feeling like this in the world. Never something so good. So intense. He kissed and sucked and my every nerve was alight. I felt it building. Those tiny bubbles were gathering at my core, each one vibrating with excitement as Edward brought me closer to the edge.

"I want you," I moaned. Not in that lustful, heated way. It was more than that. I want _you_, Edward. You. You. I pleaded that he would know what I meant before I shattered in his hands.

He did. Edward reached his hands up, placed them firmly along my upper arms and pulled me down too so that we were both together, kneeling on the floor of the tub. Water crashed around us.

I held his eyes, confused at what he was doing, and saw his cheek lift slightly in a smile before he turned me around and put his chest against my back.

"I don't know what to," I started nervously, unsure of what to do next. It was this time that Edward quieted me. Hushing me close to my ear as his fingers swept my hair from my neck.

Anxiously, I parted my legs for him and he guided himself to my opening, waiting only a second there before pressing himself inside of me. One hand of his remained between my legs, holding me there as he pulled in and out of me.

Slowly. Slowly. He pressed his stomach to my back and his fingers into my slick folds. I moaned, rolling my head onto his shoulder. He kissed my cheek as he pushed into me again and I felt him fill me to my core.

This was how you made love. With Edward. Only he could do these things to me, make me feel this way. Slow and insistent. This was making love.

He panted against my cheek, increasing his speed and rubbing between my legs with his long, thin fingers. My heart hammered inside of my chest and it was as if I could not catch air. Faster he moved and faster the fizzing bubbles prickled inside of me. I tightened, gasping once more when finally, _finally _I came. Release ran through me like the water, flooding and draining until I was left limp against him.

"Bella," Edward whispered. "Isabella." He said it over. I felt his body go rigid behind me as he held me to his waist, clutching my hips. The sound of a loud _pop!_ exploded through the air, followed by the clatter as something crashed to the floor.

I put a hand behind me and felt for the back of his head, holding him to me. There was only the flow of water, the pounding of my heart, our panting breaths, and the echo of these words in my head….

_I want you. _

_I want you._

They never made it to my lips, because the second I opened my mouth Edward was there. He kissed me sweetly, breaking away and whispered to my skin.

"I shall love you forever. Do you know that? You have my soul, as damned as it may be, until the end of my days."

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We held each other afterwards, letting the shower rain on us for what felt like a long time. The skin on my hands had pruned by the time I realized I should let go.

I remained silent, not wanting to break this moment with words. I was still basking in what we had done… and what I had felt. I chanced a look down at my own body and saw bluish blossoms on my lower stomach, placed exactly where Edward's hands had been.

Blushing, I covered them quickly with my hands. The bruises were already forming and the less Edward saw of that the better. He wasn't watching me though. He had scooped up a bottle of shampoo that had fallen to the floor and was examining it. The thing had burst open, allowing orange shampoo to bleed from a wide gash on its side.

"What happened to it?" I asked. I had washed my hair yesterday with that same bottle-intact.

Edward paused. "I…bit it."

"You bit the shampoo?" Immediately I checked back to the bottle. It did appear to have been torn by extraordinarily sharp teeth. The sound of its demise must have been the loud pop from before.

"I'm sorry about that," he muttered.

"Don't apologize for anything," I answered, taking the container from his hands. It could have been worse. It could have been my heart mangled and broken. Citrus shampoo oozed onto my fingers and I used the product to wash into my hair, tossing the bottle aside without another thought.

Edward said no more on the matter, opting to lather soap in his hands and run them down my body. Together we washed the grime from yesterday off of me, and the last of Alice's makeup and hairspray spiraled down the drain.

When I was rinsed, he shut the water off and helped me from the tub. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hiked myself onto the tips of my toes and kissed him on the lips. Without even thinking of it, I smiled up at him. Amazingly, he smiled back.

We were speechless as Edward dressed into the clothes from the day before. He listened for Charlie and, when the coast was clear, slipped from the doorway, being sure to plant a quick kiss to my forehead before leaving.

He was giving me privacy to dress, although I had no inclination to don the purple frock again. So I wrapped myself in a towel and walked to my room. It was empty. Edward had probably anticipated my desire to wear fresh clothing. He was allowing me a human minute to prepare for the day.

But instead of dressing, I flopped onto my bed, pressed my face into the pillow, and grinned freely, letting myself enjoy this moment.

It had been perfect. It had been…right.

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Settling on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved henley, I took my time getting dressed. Edward was neither in my closet or lurking in a corner. I had checked the room thoroughly, even stooping to look under the bed.

I slipped my feet into an old pair of Converse and brushed the knots from my hair. I felt strangely put at ease, forgetting for a moment the threat of Laurent, and that soon Edward, his family and I would have to discuss the details of our plan. For now, I took the simple pleasure in sending my first text message to Renee with the new phone, careful to leave out the details of what just occurred. Then thought to myself that I might just head downstairs for more cinnamon toast, if Charlie hadn't already finished off the entire loaf.

That's when I heard the shouting and my brief, blissful moment was gone.

I jumped up from my computer chair, stumbled over the towel on the floor, and flung my bedroom door open.

The sound was clearer in the hallway. It was a straight line from the top of the stairs to the front door, which was open. The men's arguing voices seemed to be coming from outside.

I recognized Charlie's at once. Then Edward's. At first, I thought maybe Charlie had discovered Edward in the house and had thrown him out. But then- _oh shit_- then I heard rasping, angry shouts that I knew belonged to Jacob Black.

_Oh no._

I barreled down the stairs, my mind racing. What was Jacob doing here? What was happening outside?

The second my feet landed on the floor, I bounded for the doorway. Rain was coming down hard now and created a sort of veil over the trio of men in Charlie's front yard. I burst into the torrent, my fresh clothes instantly soaked.

Jacob was holding Edward by the collar of his shirt. That short length of distance was all that remained between them. Both of them glared into the other's face; lips curled, teeth exposed. They looked ready to kill. Charlie was standing beside them, a hand on each of their shoulders and his head turning back and forth nervously to look at the other. He was yelling something at them over the beat of the rain.

"Step away from each other!" Charlie ordered. Neither of them moved.

Edward looked furious. Perhaps it would have been him clutching viciously at the hem of Jacob's shirt… if Jake had been wearing one.

"Get your hand off of me," Edward snarled. Jacob only balled his fist tighter.

"Stop!" I cried and Edward's eyes flickered to mine. He looked stricken that I was suddenly out here in the rain and he threw Jacob's hand off of him and came to my side at once.

"Bella, get in the house right now!" Charlie called but I ignored him. I was suddenly seeing red. There Jacob stood, shirtless on my father's lawn, looking like the epitome of health and already raring to instigate another fight with Edward. Rain dripped from his newly cropped hair. It was the focal point of my rage. I charged towards him.

"You!" I screamed, pointing a finger at him, "You had me so worried! I thought the worst things! You put us all at risk! You put yourself at risk! You! You!" I gasped roughly, trying to catch my breath again. Cold rain sank into my bones, making my teeth clatter.

"I'm here to talk to Charlie," Jacob answered. His eyes glanced over me for the briefest moment as he turned to my father.

"And what do you have to talk to Charlie about?" I demanded.

"Nothing that has to do with you."

"I think it certainly pertains to Bella," Edward spoke from behind me. His arm curved around my waist and pulled me beneath his shoulder, shielding some of the rain.

"Do you have to do that in front of me?" Jacob roared, turning on Edward and me, "I think I might hurl."

"Let's all calm down," Charlie said and put a hand to his eyes to shield the rain, "Edward, I'm not sure why you're here. You know Bella is grounded. I suggest you go home."

Edward twitched, his hand clamping to my hip.

"Then Jake should go too!" I countered, "I'm not allowed any visitors." I shot Jacob an angry look, but he was not looking at me directly. His eyes were on Edward's hand at my waist.

"Actually, he said he was here to see me. He's _my_ visitor. Jacob, let's go inside and get out of this damn monsoon." He turned to Edward, "You, go. Don't make me call your parents."

Edward ground his teeth but obediently let his arm around me fall as he dipped his face to my ear and whispered "Never too far."

He took off in a slow jog towards the road. I imagined he would simply double back as soon as Charlie was out of sight. My body shivered as I watched Edward disappear. Deciding it would serve better to get out of the rain, I followed Jacob and Charlie back inside. My Converse squished through the wet grass leading up to the door.

The three of us emerged into the house dripping wet. Jacob shook the rain from his hair as I ran to the kitchen to fetch hand towels. We each dried our faces and Charlie welcomed Jake to the kitchen table to sit down for a hot cup of cocoa. Then he looked apologetically to me, since he had no clue how to prepare such a thing.

Reluctantly, I began warming milk on the stovetop, making sure to clang and smack the pot around a bit so that Charlie knew I wasn't entirely thrilled about our sudden guest of honor.

Charlie winced as I slammed the pot on the burner but then turned to Jacob and gave him a once over. "Can I, um, get you anything? Another towel or…a shirt? You must be freezing."

Jacob shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine. Warm blooded." He made a point to look at me as he said that last part. I rolled my eyes back at him.

"Alright," Charlie accepted, "I know I'm drenched, so let's try to make this quick so I can change. What did you need to tell me?"

"Yes," I snapped, stirring the milk so it didn't burn, "What was so important a phone call wouldn't suffice?"

Jacob dutifully ignored my comment. This time it was Charlie who shot me a warning glance meaning _be nice._

To my surprise, Jacob's entire demeanor changed. His defensive front faded as color rose to his cheeks. He put a hand to his eyes and I saw that it was trembling.

"Mr… Mr. Clearwater. Harry. He died early this morning." The words choked themselves from Jacob's throat. "Heart attack."

Instantly, my own guard came down. I let the spoon fall into the bubbling milk and darted to the table. Charlie was sitting in silent shock and I went to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. My other hand hesitated at my side. It twitched outward in Jacob's direction. I was so unsure of us, I didn't even know if I could touch him. But then Jacob reached out and grabbed my hand, enveloping it in his trademark warmth. He squeezed tightly and ducked his head into the crook of his arm to hide his face.

I stood with both hands outstretched, one to my father and one clasped desperately by Jake, listening to the rain, to the boiling milk, and to Jacob's tortured breathing. Finally, Charlie interrupted this trance.

"Harry is my age," he uttered in disbelief, then shook his head, "_Was_ my age. That's just…too young for a heart attack."

"Dad, Jake, I'm so sorry," I mumbled, unsure of what to say. Jacob was clearly heartbroken. I knew his father was close with the Clearwaters, but I had no idea something like this would hit him so hard.

"Sue?" Charlie questioned and Jacob lifted his face from his arm.

"At the house with my father."

"And the kids? Seth and Leah?"

Jacob twitched awkwardly and then wrenched his hand free from mine. He pushed his attention to the window and gave no response.

"Well," Charlie said, rising to his feet, "I'm going right over there. I just need to change into something dry. Jacob, thank you for coming here and telling me face to face. Bells," he turned to me, "Stay home and rest. I'll give Sue your condolences."

"You can't leave!" I cried, "You said you wouldn't."

Charlie's eyebrows knitted together. "You know how close I am with the Clearwaters. I'm going over there to pay respect to a good friend and provide assistance to a mourning family."

"I know. I'm sorry but just… don't go. Don't go out there. Stay here with me. Please." My insides flipped at the thought of Charlie traveling alone unprotected. It would allow Laurent a perfect opportunity to go after him.

"I can't believe you're acting like this. I'm going, Bells. That's that." He pushed the chair away from him and headed toward the hallway.

"Wait! Wait," I breathed, thinking on the fly, "Jacob! Will you take my father to the reservation? Stay with him there?"

Jacob's dark eyes turned to me; they were narrowed into suspicious slits. "Why?"

"I'm perfectly capable of going on my own. If you're afraid of being alone today, Jacob can stay here with you. I'll allow it until I come back."

"No!" Desperation was creeping into my voice. I didn't want to alarm Charlie, but Jacob's stoic disregard was getting to me. I bent low to him, putting my face to his. He flinched his head in the opposite direction, so that I couldn't touch him.

"Please," I hushed quickly, "Go with Charlie and protect him. Laurent—the dark one—he's after me. If Charlie's alone, Laurent will go after him too. Jake, please."

"What are you saying to him?" Charlie called; he was standing in the opening between the kitchen and the hallway. Water dribbled from his shirt to the floor.

For a moment the three of us only looked to the other. Charlie confused, Jacob pensive, and myself in full-blown paranoia.

"It's nothing," Jacob said finally, "I'll take you to the reservation. Gotta check in over there anyway. Go ahead and get dressed. I'm ready to leave when you are."

I heaved a sigh of relief and settled my forehead to the table. Charlie muttered something under his breath and I heard him climb the stairs up to his room to change.

"Thank you," I said, reaching my hand out for Jacob to hold. He left it, giving no answer except for his strangled, heavy breaths, which sounded as though he was trying to control his emotions.

"So Emily was right? That piece of shit dark one is after you?"

I nodded into the table.

"Shit!" he cursed and slammed his fist hard into the table; it shook from the force. "I should have listened to her when she first told me. I blew her off. And then I left you there! I fucking left you both there to die. Some fucking Protector I turned out to be!"

"You didn't know," I eased, looking at him now. "I didn't believe her myself until…"

"You punched her in the face? Yeah, I heard about that. Emily came to see me. She said she tried to warn you but you clocked her one instead. Shit, Bells, you're so fucking stupid!"

"Excuse me?" I said, pushing my seat from the table, "I kind of saved her life."

"It's not about her! It's _him._ Always him! You're still with that bloodsucker even when one of his kind is out to eat you alive. You don't fucking get that every single one of them deserves to burn."

"Don't say that. I wouldn't have escaped from Laurent if it wasn't for the Cullens. Alice saved my life; I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her and Carlisle."

"Wrong. If it weren't for them your life would never _need_ to be saved. You know how much better off we'd be if they never existed? My people wouldn't become animals, you and me, we'd of had a chance at a normal life, and Harry Clearwater would still be alive."

"I thought you said it was a heart attack."

Jacob scoffed and kicked one of the table's legs with his foot.

"It was. His heart was weak to begin with and when his kids phased…it was just too much for him."

"His kids?" I asked in disbelief, "You mean…"

"Shifters, yea," Jake answered, his voice dropped as he ran a hand over his face, "Jesus, Seth is only fifteen."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At first, there had only been three wolves. I remembered vividly that day Sam came to our home to lecture Jacob after my accident. There were three of them. Then Embry joined them…then Jacob. One by one the teenagers of Quileute reservation were changing from their ordinary selves to…something darker.

"Even Leah?" I asked, biting my lip.

"We're just as shocked as you are. She's the first female shifter in the history of our tribe. No one saw it coming. Sam and I, we even thought Seth would be safe for a few more years, maybe never have to go through it if we got rid of the dark one. But…." He gritted his teeth, "Your precious Cullens came on our fucking land. That was it. Within an hour Leah and Seth were in wolf form. Sam had to go help them through it and explain what was happening. They were terrified and I couldn't even be there for them. I'm the damn alpha and I couldn't even help my own pack because I was still…"

He drifted off, turning back once more to the window to watch the rain. It was then that I finally took a good look at Jacob. Remembering what Edward had told me about his injury, I surveyed the bare skin of Jacob's arms and torso. It didn't look too bad at first glance, but up close you could tell that something wasn't right with the way Jacob moved. It was a little slower, like each effort caused him pain. Slowly, I began to notice the discrepancies in the shape of his body. There were bumps and bulges from what looked like misplaced bones. Where they jutted from their proper setting, the skin had gone almost white, as if it would tear through. He looked as though he had been taken apart and put back together, only this time the pieces didn't fit.

_Like Humpty Dumpty_, I thought, disgusted with myself.

"You should have let Carlisle help reset your bones, Jake." I shifted closer to him, pulling my chair along the linoleum floor so that it was by his side. Heat radiated off of him and it reminded me of how he used to keep me warm during the cold ours we spent in his shed.

"My brothers did it just fine," he grunted and shifted uncomfortably in his chair, "Once your boyfriend had the good sense to leave."

"Jake, I don't think you're supposed to be this lumpy. Let Carlisle help…"

"I'm not going to let some vamp touch me."

He was still so angry. At the Cullens. At me. My hands rubbed along the denim on my thighs. I wanted to touch him and soothe the pain I felt so responsible for.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

He kept his eyes locked on the cascading rainfall, speaking to the window and not to me.

"There are worse things."

It was though he and I were constantly at war. Back and forth we sparred with loaded words that marred the other. It had to stop.

"I was so worried about you," I said truthfully.

He laughed darkly. "You've got a funny way of showing it."

"Well, I was angry, too," I conceded, then added "Still am, actually."

"Yea, because I interrupted your little love fest."

"No! Angry because you almost got everyone killed, including yourself!"

He turned to me, frowning and clenching the muscles of his jaw. "I saw the necklace. He was wearing it when I caught up at the border. There was no way in hell that I was going to let him wear it. So I tried to tear it off," then Jacob chuckled, "or break his neck. Either would have worked. It was at that point when the big lug got lucky and pulled me off. I see now you're wearing it again. Not sure what that means."

He paused, running his hands over his face. A protruding bone shifted from his shoulder. "Not sure what to believe anymore. You lied to me. I asked you yesterday if anything was going on with you and him and you said no. But he was wearing your necklace—the one I gave you-and I come here and he's got his rotting hands all over you."

We were charting into inevitable territory and I didn't know if I was ready for it. "There wasn't anything going on then. Not when you and I…did what we did, anyway."

He snorted loudly, his voice now dripping with accusation.

"So it happened overnight? That's priceless. We're together six months and you give me nothing. The corpse shows up and-"

I jumped to my feet. "Nothing? I gave you everything! I put everything I had into our relationship and it still wasn't enough."

Jacob rose to his full height, towering over me so that I was face to face with the dent of his collarbone. "You could've tried harder!"

"I tried!" I cried, "I tried to love you but it just wouldn't work. It wasn't meant to."

He kicked a chair this time, it knocked over onto its side.

"And a vampire is meant for you? It's not natural!"

"Neither is sprouting fur and a tail but I don't hear complaints about that, Jake."

He pushed toward me, bending low so his face was close to mine.

"Don't you dare think for one second that I like being this way! You think I want to be this …thing? Have an animal inside of me? I can feel it, always, clawing to get out. I never wanted this. Never. But at least I have a heartbeat." He grabbed my hand and pushed it to his chest so that I could feel it. "I'm flesh and blood. You can't say we don't work. You felt it yesterday, I know you did. You said it was different now."

I swallowed nervously. Heat spread through my open palm. It was time. I promised myself I would tell Jacob the truth…no matter how painful or awful it was.

"Jake—I need to tell you something," I breathed. I went to move my hand from him, but he held it there.

"Don't," he said, squeezing my hand, "Don't take that from me. You said it was different. That it wasn't a mistake."

His heart continued to beat against my hand. He would not release me no matter how I pulled to free myself. I didn't want to feel his heart. I didn't want to feel what I was doing to him. His chest rose and fell, quickening with his breath, as his eyes searched mine wildly.

"It _was_ different," I explained, "I didn't understand why at the time. I was confused and scared and you were there, in flesh and blood as you say, and I felt myself wanting that…connection with you. It didn't feel wrong because I wasn't trying to force a start for us. This one…it was an end. I get that now. It wasn't a mistake. It let us finish, so we can move on."

"Move on," he repeated, drawing the words out so they sounded nothing like the way I had intended. "What if I don't want to move on? There's still the part where I love you more than anything."

"Do you?" I asked him, looking up into his brown eyes, "I don't think so. Not anymore. You call this love? The way we argue and fight like this every time we're together? I think you hate me…and I don't blame you after everything I've done. I'm sorry for all of that. I really am. But Jake, I can see the way you look at me. Like you want to love me but you can't anymore."

His eyes flickered as if something ignited behind them. I had only a second to register the change in him before his hands were at my shoulders and dragging me to him. He forced his mouth onto mine, but I shut it closed, refusing to let him in.

"You want me to show you?" he ground into my mouth, "Kiss me back. Open your mouth and kiss me back."

I groaned in clear refusal, twisting to get away from him. "No, Jake."

He moved with me, turning my shoulders so that we were aligned once more. He kissed my tight, drawn shut mouth, trying to open it with his lips.

"Kiss me back, damnit." His teeth scraped my lips.

The blaring alarm startled us both. It screeched through the house and Jacob dropped me at once. His nostrils flared as pushed past me to the stove, where the boiling milk was burning and sending up smoke.

"What's going on?" Charlie called, racing down the stairs and into the kitchen to join us. I had already grabbed a towel and started to swat the smoke from the alarm, which continued its deafening wail.

"The milk burned!" I yelled over the alarm. Charlie took the towel from me and wafted the ceiling with it until the house fell silent.

Jacob had removed the scorched pot from the stove and tossed it into the sink. He looked at me from across the room, his dark eyes apologetic. Yet there was a vein in his neck that was pulsing.

"I'll be in the car," he said gruffly, continuing to stare openly at me. I pleaded with my own eyes that he take good care of my father while on the reservation. However it appeared to be lost in translation as Jacob strode from the kitchen, tugging at his shorts.

Charlie let out what could have been either a laugh or groan. "Were you two fighting again down here? I don't know what I'm going to do with you, kid. These boys…I mean, I remember what I was like when I was young but….Bells, the way they're acting around you…it ain't right."

I laughed shakily, putting a hand to my chest to slow my own racing heart. Charlie didn't even know the half of it.

"Sorry. Things are kind of weird right now."

"I can see that," he said, his gaze drifting to the burned pot, "Wish I didn't have to leave you here. You know I wouldn't go if it wasn't Harry. He's family to me. Listen, no more visitors, got it? Just take it easy and try to rest."

I nodded, knowing I was probably breaking his rule right now if Edward was back in the house.

"I have my cell on me if you need me. Take care." He came to give me a hug, but realized I was still wet from the rain and put a hand to my shoulder instead before turning to go.

"Dad?"

He paused. "Yes?"

"Stay close to Jacob, will you?"

"You got it," he said and walked out of the house. I watched the Rabbit pull away, taking an old friend and my father away from me and out into the open where Laurent waited.

_Please protect him,_ I thought to Jacob. I kept watching the road long after they were gone. The rain had lightened but didn't stop. Something cold wrapped across my waist. I put my hand to it and squeezed.

"I could have killed him."

I sighed. "He's just hurt."

"That's no excuse—"

"It's alright," I said, patting Edward's hand, "I can't be too mad. He's going to watch over Charlie for me."

Edward leaned down into my wet hair, "Soon he won't have to. I called my family. They are coming and together we will formulate a plan to rid the earth of Laurent. Then, we won't have to deal with him ever again."

Whether Edward meant Laurent or Jacob, I didn't know.

.

* * *

A/N: I know for the majority of the Twilight books, Jacob and his pack are referred to as werewolves, only later to be revealed as shifters in the Breaking Dawn. I decided to just use shifters because it's accurate and less confusing.

Hope you liked it. If you did: show love and review! This story is approaching its final chapters. Stick with me!


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